How to Be a Dad

6 Secret Uses for Baby Diapers

Posted by Charlie, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

A man’s task, when he becomes a dad, is one of transformation into a metaphorical swiss army knife of fathering skills. Sometimes, we have to go off the “beaten path” to find our own creative solutions. But necessity is the mother of radness and we here at HowToBeADad.com have never shied away from the ridiculous in search of the truth-ish.

Let us demonstrate some of the unique and innovative alternatives to using diapers “the smelly, boring way”…

Note: HowToBeADad.com and its writers take no responsibility for any parent attempting to try, succeed with or otherwise execute these ridiculous uses for diapers. If you do use them in the way prescribed above, we will not only laugh at you but probably take you out for a drink so we can get to the bottom of why you’re so weird.

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100 Comments

100 Responses to “6 Secret Uses for Baby Diapers”

1. Tad says:

   July 29, 2011 at 4:57 am

   You left out the diaper grenade. Just keep a full, nasty one in your bag and pelt any erstwhile assailant with it in lieu of pepper spray.

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 10:21 am

     Wait, I thought that was the stated purpose for diapers: Hipster Repellant.

     Reply
   • Mark says:

     October 25, 2011 at 2:47 pm

     Thats why they bodysearch babies before they are allowed on airplanes at airport security.

     Reply
     • andy says:

       October 25, 2011 at 5:37 pm

       Makes sense: dirty bombs.

       Reply
   • Seth Cross says:

     September 16, 2012 at 6:01 pm

     Hello tailgating bastard, my son wanted me to give you a present.

     Reply
2. Cheryl M. says:

   July 29, 2011 at 6:07 am

   BAHAHAHAHA! Those are so beyond awesome, I can’t even put it into words!

   I’ve totally done the diaper bookmark thing. I bring Kyle up to our room every night and change him, put on his pjs, and put him to bed in his cradle. I bring a new diaper up with me every night, but keep an extra one up there on my nightstand, and it has ended up a bookmark for me on many occasions, lol.

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 10:25 am

     You’ve done the bookmark thing? That is INSANE!! I tried to use a diaper bookmark on my kindle, but that didn’t work out so well.

     Reply
     • andy says:

       July 29, 2011 at 5:13 pm

       Ha ha ha ha ha!

       Reply
3. DC Urban Dad says:

   July 29, 2011 at 8:09 am

   In a pinch, they sure can dry you off after swimming.

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 10:29 am

     We thought of beach towel but Andy has a strict “no nudity” clause in his contract.

     Reply
     • andy says:

       July 29, 2011 at 5:25 pm

       That’s not a clause, it’s an international law. Me in a towel made of diapers = cruel and unusual punishment.

       Reply
       • MotherDuck says:

         July 30, 2011 at 8:55 am

         Pie is Brilllance, period.

         Reply
         • andy says:

           July 30, 2011 at 9:55 am

           Yeah, I was being a little redundant wasn’t I. I double heart pie.
4. jetts31 says:

   July 29, 2011 at 8:21 am

   Boxing gloves.

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 10:31 am

     A man after my own heart… we brought that one up. But neither of us look enough like a pugilist to pull it off.

     Reply
5. Britters says:

   July 29, 2011 at 9:19 am

   OMG! This is one of the best yet! Great morning laugh!!!

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 10:33 am

     Thanks Brit. We worked really hard on this one. Actually, it’s opposites day.

     Reply
     • andy says:

       July 29, 2011 at 5:14 pm

       HEY!!! I was up till 3am on this one!

       Reply
6. Megan says:

   July 29, 2011 at 9:22 am

   I have spilled coffee on so many things… one of the worst was our TAN rug. Used a diaper to pick up most of it. Let it dry then use carpet cleaner on it. It’s as if it was never there.

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 10:34 am

     Diapers: Absorbent of liquids and fail!

     Reply
7. Amit says:

   July 29, 2011 at 10:42 am

   LOL, big big future as diapers models..
   When I was young I own a book called “100 ways to use a dead cat” I remember some of the ideas, u can use them here..
   But u know that the real bravery is not to use it in it’s new condition, but what you can do with it AFTER it’s original use..
   Ok, that’s too yukky, take me back to the dead cat please.

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 1:47 pm

     The only use for a soiled diaper is as a stink bomb at a hiptery coffee shop.

     Reply
8. rick says:

   July 29, 2011 at 10:44 am

   don’t forget diapers can be used as packing material. They can protect your good china just as well as they protect little bottoms.

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 2:31 pm

     GENIUS! Screw those little annoying popcorn bits, get some Huggies or Pampers and call it a day!

     Reply
9. Jenny, Bloggess says:

   July 29, 2011 at 10:52 am

   Diaper sham-wow for big spills. Soaks up a shitload of stuff. No pun intended.

   Reply
   • charlie says:

     July 29, 2011 at 2:42 pm

     Did you ever see the Sham-Wow commercial about cleaning up hooker blood? Amazing. And puns can be intended on this site. We’re nerds that way. We’re not above that.

     Reply
10. Kimberly says:

    July 29, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Diapers work great as cold compresses. Get them wet (with WATER, hahaha), close them as