The Dutch National Ballet has taken the bold step of featuring an unusually disfigured dancer on their new season’s poster.

Before anybody says anything in the comments about this, I’ll just add that the fact that they did it on purpose does not necessarily make it good.

Thanks to the magnificent PhotoshopDisasters.

The first single from Renée Fleming’s rock covers album Dark Hope is out today, but according to Decca I’m not allowed to make fun of it yet. It’s like it’s Christmas morning and I’m not allowed to open any presents.

Luckily for them, I just stumbled upon this. 86 orchestral versions of rock songs and weird classical remixes for the low, low price of $11.99. Don’t say “cheap”. It’s “great value”.

You can’t tell what a record sounds like by looking at its cover, but you can tell what its creators thought was important. What does your album cover say about you?

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Salome poster by Rafal Olbinski

I recently discovered that I’m going to be a parent. While I hope to expose my child to the broadest possible set of cultural experiences, I do rather wonder what he/she/it will take away from the dramatic efforts of the great composers, to wit:

What is the moral of this opera?

Don Giovanni: No matter what he says, don’t sleep with him.
The Magic Flute: Join the Freemasons if you want a girlfriend.
Cosi Fan Tutti: Girls are taken in by feeble disguises and so can’t be trusted.
Tosca: Don’t date a singer. Or an Artist.
Salome: Walk carefully around manhole covers.

Feel free to use the comments to make other suggestions…

The most long-winded dramatic form meets a worthy nemesis with #operaplot – the twitter contest to write an operatic synopsis in fewer than 140 characters.

It isn’t the first time this has happened, but Twitter is just getting popular enough to be lame* and so naturally opera houses the world over are clamouring to be involved and are offering free tickets to the winner.

The judge is the fabulous Danielle De Niese**. The rules are here.

My favorite from the last competition? This contraction of the rambling storyline to Wagner’s epic Ring:

“Rhinemaidens lose the ring. It passes thru a few hands. Rhinemaidens reclaim it in a ring of fire. Lots of singing in between.”

* Not lame enough for me to be on it yet.
** Sorry boys, she’s taken***.
*** Because Lebrecht is a completely reliable source, obviously.

It’s nice to see classical musicians embracing YouTube. The crappy video quality somehow makes them feel like they’re not under the same pressure that full-on audio recordings do, so they post fun things that are often much more interesting than the stuff that ends up on their albums.

There’s a long tradition of using popular melodies as the basis for classical works, but still, this is kind of amazing. Marié Digby supposedly got signed to Hollywood Records after posting an acoustic version of Rihanna’s “Umbrella” on YouTube. I somehow don’t think that’s going to happen here, but nor do I think you’ll feel like you completely wasted four and a half minutes of your life if you watch it.

…and in case you really don’t know the original, you can watch it here.