the illiterate infant

yes – awwwwwwwww

I fell in love on the weekend. She’s blonde, small and has an amazing laugh. She’s engaging and funny and loves my jokes. Sure she’s only 6 months old and likes to throw up on me but I don’t care.

Last weekend I spent about 36 hours being the sole parent to my 6 month old daughter. Mrs II and Ms 3 were off to the country for a good friends birthday. We decided the party was a great opportunity for my wife to spend some time with Ms 3 doing something fun, rather than the usual routine; some of you may know it, it’s the one where Mum asks Ms 3 to do something, Ms 3 prances into the lounge room and pretends she didn’t hear it, Mum cleans, does some washing, makes a meal, Mum asks Ms 3 to do the thing again, Ms three does a few pirouettes and then does the exact opposite…

I also knew that there was no way that Mrs II would be able to relax while Ms 0.5 was there. She would be constantly listening for cries, cringing as the gang of kids (including ours) raced around having a ball, worried that our restless half year old would be woken and not being able focus on spending time with good friends she hasn’t seen in too long.

Part of me thinks I should keep the next comment to myself but in the interests of breaking the ill-prepared-Dad-who-can’t-look-after-kids stereotype I am happily declaring that in comparison to a three year old, a 6 month old is easy! There, I said it. I’m not saying it’s not busy, you’re constantly doing something; feeding, washing up, getting up, changing and dressing but at no point did I have to spend 3 hours playing blocks or 2 hours on a trampoline or a morning at the shops playing the “don’t touch that I can’t afford you to break it” game.

And the rewards come so quickly and easily. Want a beaming smile? Just get them up when they wake from a sleep. Want a cackling laugh? Just apply some enthusiastic nuzzling to her tummy. Want her to coo and thrash her legs around in joy? Just strap her into the baby harness and go and grab a coffee together.

Yes. Grab. A. Coffee.

Not only did I spend my weekend getting to know a most spectacular little human being but I got to go to the local café and not have to take a colouring book or amuse someone with my iPhone or bribe them with banana bread or smartie cookies while sculling boiling hot coffee.

I even had time to ponder a few theories on kids. My latest one is that over the weekend I did a parenting Bill and Ted. I went back in time to when I only had a 6 month old but I was able to bring my experience and knowledge with me – excellent. Nothing phased me. Tears are normal. Not sleeping is expected. Nappies are… well you never get used to them.

So, my suggestion to parents of kids and babies out there is, if you can, spend  one on one time with your babies. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at just how good you are at this parenting caper and you’ll also get to know someone that is more than likely wonderful. And funny. And beautiful. And sweet smelling.. . (sorry – biased Dad moment).

How about you? Have you had one-on-one time with your second, third or fourth born recently? Have you given yourself an opportunity to go back in time but with the knowledge you now have? Do you think Bill and Ted should never have made the sequel?

To everyone that’s been asking about my lack of blogging this last few weeks, thanks. It has been very busy in Illiterate Land with family and work commitments putting blogging right at the bottom of the priority list. Things should start warming up again soon. Until then I’ll be posting when I can.

Like what your reading? Can’t risk missing another post? Why not keep up on all thing Illiterate via the Facebook page, twitter or bloglovin?

I’m delighted to have been asked, along with 9 other fellow Aussie Daddy Bloggers
to take part in a Fantasy Fathers day Challenge where one of us can WIN a day out courtesy of
Magshop.

Here’s the thing though, you can WIN a monthly magazine subscription courtesy of us, the Aussie Daddy Bloggers.
All the details are below.

Here is my entry for the Fantasy Fathers Day Competition

Val Kilmer doing his best Kev impression

The sun is shining; my second coffee has just been handed to me along with a hot bacon and egg roll dripping with BBQ sauce. My three year old has made several friends in the park and has forgotten, just for a moment that I’m there and was supposed to push her on the swing. My 6 month old is asleep. Oh – and there’s a fighter jet reflecting in my aviator sunglasses

The lads over at Magshop asked me to jot down a few notes on my Fantasy Fathers Day. This is a difficult one because I don’t have much of a benchmark. You see my first fathers days was a murky blur as my 30ish old body realised that a 48 hour drinking bender had nothing on trying to settle a three month old… for three months.

By my second fathers day I had a walker. My wife attempted to put on a breakfast at a beach side café but this quickly descended into me diving athletically around the café trying to stop Miss Velcro hands from grabbing food of the other diner’s plates. (Next time we’ll try and book the high chair earlier).

I’m not sure about you but being a Dad to young kids has meant I have temporarily scaled back my dreams. My desire for something red, convertible and European has been swapped for 30 minutes to myself in something Swedish and wagon-sized. The picturesque beach in some far off, slightly dangerous land has been swapped for a need to find toddler sized water slides and extra rooms for the in-laws.

So the Mag Shop’s offer to think big is an opportunity to reverse the scaling back. To forget about the patting to sleep, the need to for child friendly menus and brightly coloured kid-safe playgrounds. So for me it’s easy. It’s got to be fast, loud and ideally a few thousand meters in the air. It’s got to involve manly, dark green onsies with zips and it has got to give me an excuse to wear the dress up aviator glasses I’ve got sitting in my bed side table.

And while I’m up-scaling, the red European is sitting on the asphalt waiting to deliver me back home (and this is off the chart in the fantasy stakes) to my sleeping  6 month old, quietly seated three year old and hot cup of good coffee.

Happy Fathers Day from the Illiterate Household.

Thanks for reading and now it’s up to you to decide who will win the Fantasy Fathers day prize.

That’s all happening over on the Fantasy Father’s Day Competition page where you can Vote and Share your favorite, hopefully me!

Remember to vote each day for your favorite.

click on this link to check out the other entries and also to Vote and Share your favorite!
Magshop Fantasy Father’s Day Voting Page

Also, here’s where you get the chance to Win. Just answer the simple question below and go into the draw to WIN a Magshop Magazine subscription from us
Aussie Daddy Bloggers.

Don’t forget to Vote and Share!

Will & Kate – Just some new parents

At the time of writing, there’s at least one couple in a hospital ward. Surrounded by experts and in perfectly safe hands, they will be in a situation that is impossible to prepare for.

Kate will be in pain. She may or may not be managing the pain herself but regardless she will physically be enduring something she’s never felt before. Will will be holding her hand, or rubbing her back or feeding her ice cubes. He’ll be trying to say encouraging things or maybe just breathing with his wife through each contraction.  Emotionally he’ll be switching between awe, fear and boredom and physically, by this stage, probably be feeling pretty hungry (he’ll know to pack sandwiches next time).

By the time you read this they will (hopefully) be staring at a bundle of nerves, shallow breaths and potential. If the birth goes to plan there will be a moment when something very blue is lifted into the air and William will whisper under his breath “breathe little one, breathe, please breathe”. Then (more than likely) there will be a breath, then blue will turn pink and the breaths may turn into crying.

And two loving parents will also cry. And fall in love again with someone else.

Will. The next few weeks are going to be bonkers. I know lots of people think you will have it easy but I’ve got a feeling you’re a hands on sort of guy which means you’re going to want to be involved. Which means being awake. A lot. Hang in there mate, it does get easier and if your Nan (or someone she arranges) wants to drop over dinner and maybe watch the baby while you and Kate shower, or sleep – I recommend you take her up on it.

If you’ve got some leave saved up, maybe think about taking it about the six week mark. Your brand new sleepy offspring will come out of its shell about six weeks from now and that’s when Katie will need you most. Get something that lets you wear the baby and find yourself some nice night walks around London. I find it helps if you pat their bum in time to a song you can hum quietly as you walk.

Take lots of photos. They change quickly. Also, make sure to send your parents and grandparents photos often. I’d also make sure your Nan can use email or even better, get photos on her iphone.

Come the 2 month mark, I’m pretty sure our experiences will start to differ. You have far more people trying to photograph you than I have had recently but, at least for the first two months I’m sure you’ll be just like most other Dad’s and parents out there. Out of your depth, flat out exhausted and very much in Love.

Congratulations Prince William and good luck.

What’s your advice for the new parents? What’s the best bit of advice you were given? What’s the thing you wished or were glad you did?

Like what your reading? Can’t risk missing another post? Why not keep up on all thing Illiterate via the Facebook page, twitter or bloglovin?

Sharing my Tuesday with Jess over at  EssentiallyJess.com for I Blog on Tuesday

The Illiterate Infant has been on a bit of an excursion, guest posting over at the Woolworth Baby and Toddlers Club. Rather than talking about my gifted child raising skills I decided to stay with what I know which is; talking about my failure to heed good, well researched advice from Mrs Illiterate Infant.

For anyone who’s had seen a Dad struggling with an overly enthusiastic toddler at the local supermarket, this will be a good insight into what is actually going on.

As the dad part of a parenting partnership where I work in an office and my wife works in the home, it has taken me a while to appreciate that the advice she gives me isn’t made up. No, this advice comes from three years’ experience of dealing with the complex requirements, behaviours and unpredictability of a toddler.

Like when she says I always need to know where Teddy is. Seems simple and, to the inexperienced, a little bit silly, but if you’ve ever spent 10 minutes wrangling a frenzy of arms and legs into a car seat to then be asked ‘Where’s Teddy?’ you’ll know what I mean.

‘It’s ok, Sweet. Teddy doesn’t feel like coming shopping today. He wants to stay at home, have a cup of tea and read the paper,’ just doesn’t cut it for a toddler joined at the hip to a stuffed animal. As much as I try to reason with her, it never takes long before I’m trudging back into the house to reunite them.

My wife has another piece of advice that is invariably correct; you need to feed toddlers. Especially when you’re off to do the Saturday morning food shop, solo-parent style.

To continue reading just click here

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I awoke last Sunday morning, sore. My head hurt, my back ached, I was bruised, battered and scratched. I rolled out of bed making old man noises as I made my way to the kitchen to put the kettle on. 4 years ago this sort of pain would have been brought on by some extreeeeeeeme (best read with hardcore sound track playing in the back of your mind) activity; careering down a slope on a snow board or belting down a track on a bike but now… not so much.

No, my afternoon schnapps half way up the slope has been swapped for a cup of tea and a biscuit, my warm snow boots replaced by muddy wellys and my bike and board swapped for a frying pan, scooter and pruning shears. In the blink of an eye my old life has vanished. My ability to pull off crazy product-assisted hair… gone and reasons to use the terms “smashed it”, “crazy” and “stack” in context… rare. Continue reading →

On the 27th of July, a few weeks from now, a group of people will congregate at the Argyle in the Rocks, Sydney.

This group of shy, quiet, restrained folk will be sitting quietly. Preferring to keep their opinions to themselves and humour high brow, the discussion of bodily functions, birthing of infants and the goings-on within bonds of marriage will be kept to themselves.

Sitting next to them will be a bunch of bloggers. Loud, raucous and definitely lower of brow in the humour stakes, they’ll be getting together to celebrate all things blogging.

If you’re in Sydney and you’re reading this then how about coming along? It could be the opportunity you’ve been looking for to meet that certain blogger in the flesh and thank them for brightening up your day. Maybe they wrote something that helped you figure something out or gave you a recipe that you are now taking full credit for in your circle of friends, like a friend of mine did ;)

Personally I’m looking forward to asking one particular blogger if they’ll be catching up with Colin Firth when they start filming Darcy Strikes Back later this year. There’s another blogger that I am looking forward to having a deep discussion with about the chances of me having an orgasmic birth.

So how about it? If you’re in Sydney most of the hard work is done. If you’re not in Sydney, who’s the blogger you would love to meet in real life? Or, what’s something that a blogger taught you?

If you’re keen the details are here.

Hope to see you there.

Sharing with our favourite Friday linky: FYBF at withsomegrace.