May You Fail
by Kristen 73 Comments
Today, three fans took the time to unlike me on Facebook. Three.
I stare at the number in disbelief and wonder what I’ve done to cause three people to unlike me all in one day. The heavy weight of fear and inadequacy presses down on me. There are dishes in the sink and an unfinished post and a houseful of children who have waited while their mommy writes and for what? For three less fans than yesterday.
My gut hurts.
I hide for a while, but God finds me. I am a bit ashamed to see Him here because I have failed. I have failed to make a return on my talent. I have failed to live up to my calling.
God bends to whisper a prayer in my ear. May you fail.
May I fail?
May you fail to make this gift your identity. May you lose a few readers now and again to remind you that you are already adequate, already loved, already enough. I have formed you, and I know you. I knit you together and wove this gift of writing into you so that it is almost inseparable from you. Almost.
But you are more than the sum of your followers, you are more than the success or failure of your last post. You are more than a writer.
You are my beloved child.
And I have chosen you for this. But I love you in spite of this.
When you fumble with the words, I do not love you less. When you pen something powerful, I do not love you more. Separate yourself from the gift enough to know that I am the only thing that defines you.
May you fail at penning words that have no power. It is tempting, isn’t it, to fill a page with beautiful, soulless words? It is tempting to write for men rather than Me.
But you—you have the words of life. You have the gospel, the very words that shape eternity. Write them even if they earn you no earthly fame. Write them boldly. Write them well. But do not fail to write them.
Some will hear and turn to me. But others will hear and turn away. Leave it up to me, Child, to change the hearts of your hearers.
May you fail at growing numbers without growing your heart. Let the words rumble around and refine you first. Tell your story from the cracks because that’s where my light shines the brightest.
Can you see me glorified in your brokenness? Press your pen into it. Strive to be transparent, a little broken, and a lot redeemed. Let people in to your story—all of it. Leave out the parts that leave out grace. Trust me to work in and through and in spite of your weaknesses.
You may be surprised to see how I can make something beautiful of it after all.
May you fail at doing something great for me. Let me do something great through you. I do not need your offering, Child. I do not need your sacrifice. All I want from you is your humble availability.
Be willing. Be moldable, and do not worry about what I have given to someone else. Be more interested in my vision for you than in your dreams for yourself. It may not look the way you think it should, and you might stumble and trip along this path. You may fail in the eyes of men, but not in mine. I will accomplish my purposes in you.
There is no failing in that.
Kristen, Five in Tow
and this is why I love you, Kristen.
Beautiful post, so full of truth.
And that is exactly why I love you too, Natasha!
oh wow. you hit me right where it counts, Kristin.
these words are solid gold. apt and sharp as a double-edged sword. thank you for tackling such lies we all believe from time to time. (and this has been one of those times for me, too.)
i receive the grace of this encounter and the truth proclaimed.
Thank you, Kelli, for being real with your struggles too. May God break us both of our tendency to look down instead of up.
I tend to view failure in terms of fruit. Facebook likes aren’t necessarily fruit in my eyes, but a heart growing closer to God is. Love this post.
Amen–and may my heart be the first to grow closer to God through this ministry!
I can’t tell you how much I love this. I have felt like I am consistently failing at my blog, and the blog “cliques” I can never seem to get in to… I really needed this. This was written for my heart today. Thank you.
love,
Melanie
Thank you, Melanie. I wish I could give you a great big hug!
So powerful Kristen! I feel like I need to read it about 5 times to let the truths you shared sink in deep. So blessed and moved by this today!
Thank you. I think I need to do the same. I am so prone to wander.
Kristin, you’ve encouraged me today. I just lost my job and am in limbo waiting to see what direction God wants me to take with my life. I’m going to hold onto your good words today -to be more concerned with God’s vision for me than what my own little brain can imagine for myself right now. THANKS.
Oh, Christy. We are in a state of limbo too. My husband lost his job nearly a year ago, and we have been waiting and seeking ever since. I will be praying for you. May you not grow weary in the waiting, and may God quickly grant you a vision for His direction for you.
Kristen, this was so perfectly timed. Perfectly. God never ceases to amaze me with His ability to use a blog post to remind me of what’s important. Holding onto his vision for me instead of my hopes for myself – yes! Oh, yes.
It amazes me too! I heard a quote that said something to the effect, “I write to know I am not alone,” and it is true. Every time I write, God shows me that I am in good company, surrounded by saints and fellow witnesses of His grace and mercy.
Kristen-
it means a lot to me, it’s just what I needed to hear this morning!
I have been blogging for 3 years, and I still feel discouraged because no one comments on my blog, ever. It is like no one cares if I wrote or not…
Thank you for this post.
You are not the only one…this was encouraging!
It looks like we’re all in good company! May God use each of today as He wills, and may we all be content in it.
oh friend… may God fill you up with such comfort and joy today… praying for you.
Take heart, Christina. I gave up my blog once because I didn’t see a purpose and it didn’t seem like anyone was reading it except my dogs as they sat beside me.
Even if no one is commenting, it doesn’t mean you aren’t touching people somewhere. Whether you reach out on your blog, or encourage someone because of your blog, it is a good thing. The tougher part is accepting that we just don’t necessarily know the folks who we have been able to help.
Beautiful! I enjoy writing too…and am finding in my despair and in the brokeness of a disease more powerful than me, that he daily loves and heals me! Keep writing and being humble.
“He daily love sand heals me.” Amen.
Oh… breathless. Yes. This. This is what we were made for. ((Thank you))
Thank you, Emily.
This resonates so loudly: Be more interested in my vision for you than in your dreams for yourself.
It feels like almost daily I am doing a soul-check and finding myself chasing the wrong thing: numbers, money, likes. I ask for forgiveness, do that sometimes painful realignment, and move forward.
This is a lovely reminder of what is truly important-thanks!
It’s hard when the numbers are so prevalent. It’s almost impossible to ignore them altogether, but thankfully, God is gracious to us even when we fail!
Beautiful! This can apply to so many things in life, for me, not my writing but other areas. Thank you for this beautiful post!!!
Thank you for reading, Adrienne.
I am so afraid of failure sometimes. Thank you for the reminder that failure in my eyes or someone else’s eyes is not the same is failure in God’s eyes. Such beautiful words.
I am learning that my failure is a means to bring others to Christ. The whole world is filled with failures, and each of us is longing to know we’re not the only one. When I am transparent about my failures and weaknesses, God works.
I love this post. Yes, I know this feeling so well and it always brings me back to those same words. In failure we find our faith. Where the foundation really is and what we’re building on. Thank you.
“In failure, we find our faith.” YES.
I needed to hear this today. Thanks for reminding us of this right perspective.
Thank you, Joy.
A tearful thank you. So well written. YES! This is why we do what we do. You so beautifully penned our calling. Thank you.
Thank you for reading and being in this ministry with me!
I have been struggling, and am so thankful that I read this when I did. God continues to guide and direct me, it’s when I forget to seek Him that I get confused and discouraged. Thank you.
YES. He does continue to guide and direct. I’m particularly thankful for that in my life right now.
–Kristen
L.O.V.E. Thank you. (And I’m about to go become a fan, so you’re up one now.)
Haha! I didn’t realize that this post comes across as a plea to friend me and never ever never ever un-friend me, but it does! Thanks for the love.
–Kristen
Oh yes, amen and amen. Thank you for this, Kristen.