September 10, 2009
Fearless?
comments
This one goes out to all the people in the world who are afraid of something. Oh wait– perhaps I need to choose a smaller audience. Trying to write for everyone is usually a mistake.
See, every day I’m fortunate to read a lot of nice emails from all over the world. The people who write in are very kind. If it’s true that I can inspire someone, let the record show that I am similarly inspired by many other people, including those who are nice enough to pay attention to what I have to say.
However, some of the email I get uses the word fearless (as in, “I admire you for being fearless”), and whenever I see that word, I always worry that I’ve sent the wrong message somewhere.
Fearless? Whoa. Where did that come from? I may be any number of things, some good and some bad, but I am definitely not fearless.
Sorry if I gave anyone this impression somewhere. In reality, I have a long list of fears waiting to limit me at any given moment. Most of them can be related to the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of change– but there are countless variations. Name a fear, and I’ve probably had it at some point.
And I don’t think I’m alone in this. Personally, I’m suspicious of anyone who says they are truly fearless. I think they’re bluffing or hiding something deeply personal.
If any such person is out there, please be my guest and write in to introduce yourself as the first truly fearless person I’ve ever known. I’ll wait. If they really are fearless, then I think they should raise the stakes. Where much is given, much is required, right?
See, I’m skeptical about ever losing all fear. What I think is more important is finding a way to do great things despite the fear.
The Difference
The difference between being fearless and standing up to your fears lies in refusing to allow your fears to make your decisions.
I’m afraid of public speaking, but I do it anyway.
I’m afraid of taking a stand on tough issues– it’s so much easier just to sit back and criticize other people who do.
I’m not really afraid of travel at this point, but that’s only because I’ve done so much of it. In the beginning, I was certainly afraid. Because of the nature of fear, I’ve got plenty of other concerns to replace the travel fear.
And so I am afraid, and so I keep going.
I do this because I know the alternatives all too well. The alternative, at least in my case, is feeling bad about missing out on something because I was afraid. What scares me the most is NOT doing something.
Those times when I’ve let my fears dictate my decisions… I HATE THAT FEELING. I want to avoid it at any cost.
I haven’t yet learned how to pretend my fears don’t exist, but thankfully I’ve learned how to push through them. You push through with the help of:
- Experience – those times when you stood up to fear and did the right thing
- Preparation – understanding what to expect when you step out from the ordinary
- Trauma – this one is optional, but I’ve noticed that people who have overcome serious hardship often go on to be seriously amazing
- Perspective – How bad can it be? What’s the worst thing that can happen? If the world won’t end and no small children will die as the result of your actions, you might as well take the leap
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The Bottom Line
Fear is normal! I like how M. Scott Peck puts it:
“The absence of fear is not courage. The absence of fear is some kind of brain damage.”
If you don’t care about excellence or world-changing or living life on the edge, you don’t need to worry about facing down your fears. In fact, you never need to pay attention to them at all. It is quite conventional to give in to fear and always wonder if something could have been different way back when.
For the rest of us, giving in is also known as giving up. If you do care about a full life, you must do whatever it takes to overcome your fear. Raise the stakes! Don’t give in. It’s worth it.
But let’s be clear: fearless? I don’t think so. Not for me, anyway.
And you?
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Fearless Symmetry Image by Swanksalot
Comment on this article
86 Responses to “Fearless?”
September 10, 2009
Chelsea BEll
Great article Chris. Courage is being afraid, but doing it anyway.
September 10, 2009
@gotpassport
what a great post! love it love it. Yes, I have many fears too. And blogs and inspirational individuals like you make me want to keep pushing.
Feel the fear, and do it anyway!
September 10, 2009
Daniel Edlen
I love how actionable your posts are! This one seems particularly personal for you too, which rocks. “And so I am afraid, and so I keep going.” Awesome.
Peace,
@vinylart
September 10, 2009
Coach J
I think asking “What’s the worst that can happen?” is key. In most cases, the worst really isn’t so bad after all. Thanks for the post.
September 10, 2009
Sean
Great post Chris. One of, if not the biggest thing I am trying to avoid right now is letting fear dictate my decisions. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself, is also the most difficult, and if you let fear prevail, then you are only hurting yourself.
But thanks for reiterating the fact that nobody is truly fearless, and frankly, nobody should want to be.
September 10, 2009
Basu
I agree with your points in particular, except for the trauma bit. I think it’s equally (perhaps more) likely to be severely scarred by trauma and not be adventurous again after some sort of trauma. It takes a certain a personality or a conscious decision to turn trauma into a learning experience.
September 10, 2009
Ron
Me? I’m kind of a joke-around kind of guy. I’d have to say a weird fear of mine is being funny at the wrong time (funeral perhaps), and the awkward silence that may ensue. I guess that’s fear of criticism (blogging seemed like an awesome way to “cure” it)
It’s true though…I can’t resist a witty observation. But I’m with you on public speaking, it is definitely something that gets more “bearable” the more you do it.
Safe travels Chris.
September 10, 2009
Nicole
Yea nobody is fearless. We’re all the same, just wrapped up in different packages. With some more cleverly designed to look perfect.
September 10, 2009
Cath Duncan
Totally! I encourage people to befriend and converse with their fear as they would with anyone who doesn’t necessarily share their views. Hear it out, find out what your fear’s concerns are, thank your fear for sharing it’s concerns, share your thoughts and needs, and be comfortable that you don’t have to get rid of your fear or persuade it of your perspective to be able to go ahead and do that thing you want to do anyway. Let your fear come along with you for the ride and be changed by the experience.
Cath
September 10, 2009
Kerry Z
Why is it that, so often, your messages are so timely and seem to be tailor-made for me? I just want to print this out and stick it into my bra (sorry, too descriptive?) and carry it around with me – so I can read it whenever I need it.
Thanks – AGAIN.
September 10, 2009
Tim Brownson
I think there are a very tiny minority of people who can legitimately claim to be fearless, Thich Nhat Hanh springs to mind and some other Buddhist teachers that have spent their entire lives working on it.
For most of us though fear is just a necessary and integral part of life, because without it we’d be doing some fairly reckless stuff out there.
Good quote by M Scott Peck although I hated ‘The Road Less Traveled’
September 10, 2009
John Bardos - JetSetCitizen
Another great article Chris!
I think it is important to remember that we all have fears. Veteran rock stars have butterflies in their stomachs before they get on stage. That is normal. So many things can go wrong. Nickelback, despite their huge North American fame was booed of the stage in Spain.
We all have fears and we all don’t really know we we are doing. We all create our lives as we go.
The absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to move abroad. That is the best way to fully understand that all those habits we think are normal are just a fabrication. Reality is subjective. It is what ever we want it to be.
Embrace your fears. Move towards your fears. Live your fears. Fear makes us human and that is what life is all about.
September 10, 2009
Missy
I understand that you have fears as it’s what makes you ‘human’ but I think when people have given you kudos for your ‘fearlessness’ it’s definitely an energetic something that you exude in your writing and it truly is an inspiration. Embrace the fact that you deliver a feeling of fearlessness through your work- sometimes it is that very feeling that gets one of their butt to finally wake up and live life instead of making life live them. It is a compliment of high standard. To watch or read someone who expresses with effortless ease their adventures and appreciation to do what they love for a living is peppered with fearlessness / being carefree in every positive connotation. Celebrate it! It’s a good thing, Chris! And thank you for reminding us that you are indeed human.
September 10, 2009
ziggy
Thanks for this, Chris. What a timely post! I’ve been thinking about major changes; the possibility of moving to another country, and leave the comforts of the US. It may or may not happen, but the thing you said about “Those times when I’ve let my fears dictate my decisions… I HATE THAT FEELING. I want to avoid it at any cost.” might just help me in the decision process!
September 10, 2009
Natalie
Wow, I really needed to hear this today. Thank u for the synchronicity Chris.
September 10, 2009
Diane Elizabeth
I can relate to what you are saying. I have been fearful many times. My remedy is to change my focus. I tell myself that it is more frightening to stay the same, stay stagnant. There will be many failures. There are supposed to be.
When I think of my life, I would be a failure if I didn’t feel the fear and then do it anyway. Thanks as always, Chris.
September 10, 2009
Melissa
I have a fear of deep water. So I joined the rowing club at school. We start practice in the river next week. Yikes!
September 10, 2009
Barb McMahon
I love this post!
I was very fearful as a child and let that fear make too many decisions for me. And, yes, I HATED that feeling.
It’s so good to be able to leave it behind. And so sad to talk to people who haven’t gotten to that point.
Eleanor Roosevelt advised: Every day, do something that scares you.
Words I live by.
September 10, 2009
Marlina
Doing something in spite of your fear is worthy of praise, I think your readers appreciate that spirit in you. I frequently use fear of ‘the other alternative’ as a technique to get me to do something, so in a way I do let “fear dictate me decisions” e.g. I fear living a life of regrets (and this is really one of the greatest fears in my life, apart from my paralyzing fear of ghosts) so it keeps me doing stuff I wouldn’t consider doing otherwise.
September 10, 2009
Micki McNie
Two things that guide me are this quote
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” ~Ambrose Redmoon
and something I read in a book about doing something that scares you every day. It can be super small things like ‘I don’t really want to make that phone call’ so then I know I need to face it and just do it. Works wonders. Fear should never be the guiding force in your life.
September 10, 2009
doorways traveler
thank you for this, chris.
i’m reading this days before i embark on the first of many travel journeys to live my dream as an image capturer and storyteller. am i afraid? sure. is it an option not to live my passion? not even a little bit.
here’s to doing it anyway.
very best, lisa
September 10, 2009
Sandra Haynes
Thanks for bringing up something that the ‘average’ person doesn’t understand.
Most all of the adventures in my life that others have considered ‘fearless, brave, reckless’ were simply done because I was afraid of them (world class glacier mountain climbing, rock climbing, long distance running, running rapids where people had died, facing down truly dangerous wild animals, and yes, public speaking, etc, but you get the idea). It’s knowing I can face the fears and be very successful that means the most to me.
September 10, 2009
Anil
Asking yourself what’s the worst that could happen really helps put things in perspective and brings your fear down to a realistic size.
September 10, 2009
Trackback from Figuring It Out
[...] I just finished completing one of those tasks. I had allowed it to fester in a pool of dread. Experience has shown that most tasks such as today’s appear much worse prior to doing them. Upon completion they are most consistently not dreadful and often quite pleasing. If not for the action itself, but for the feeling of mastery having done the dreaded deed. Today’s was no exception. [...]
September 10, 2009
Cara Lopez Lee
As always, I enjoy the way your mind works. Here’s what I recently had to say about fear to my Facebook group:
When making a decision about anything in life, from travel to career to relationships, I ask myself, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Then I do that. I’m talking about all kinds of fear: fear of risk, fear of ridicule, fear of failure.
That’s not to say I live life with “No Fear.” Fear is a normal human emotion. Sometimes fear is a sensible warning of danger. Sometimes our irrational fears have deep roots in primitive instincts of self-preservation or in childhood traumas, and they can be beyond our conscious control. But while feelings of fear may not be in our control, how we react to fear is.
I don’t do things just BECAUSE I’m afraid to do them. that would be foolish. However, I don’t let fear stop me from taking risks to do what I love and enjoy, what inspires and excites me, or what will contribute to myself and others. When I overcome fear to follow my passion and purpose, I find my self-confidence builds to face the next challenge. My fear grows smaller, until all that is left… is me.
September 10, 2009
monica moran
This is a great post, Chris! as i read it i was reminded of a book i read way back in 5th grade about a young slave girl dealing with her fear:
“You got to put your scaredness under your feet and stand on it”
This phrase has always stayed with me because there will always be fear in all things, big or small, but as long as you can move forward despite that fear, you gain mastery of fear for every other event/action that comes your way…
btw: thanks for the quote from M. Scott Peck – i have a version that ends “the absence of fear is MENTAL ILLNESS” but didn’t know the source =-)
September 10, 2009
Christi
Most timely, kind sir. I had just finished completing a task that I was allowing to wallow around in my mind growing the fungus of fear on it. As usual, once I just got about getting it done, it was rather enjoyable. Then I went to my inbox and found this wonderful post. Thanks.
September 10, 2009
Sandra Haynes
@Cara Lopez Lee
I can truly appreciate your comment about doing things “just because I’m afraid of them, that would be foolish”.
My view on some of the things I have done, were just because I was afraid of them. They were also way outside my comfortable world that I knew.
I was physically fit, versed in the things I needed to know….in other words, prepared to probably succeed, even with the fear.
Foolish……maybe, but not much riskier than crossing a 6 lane street most anywhere in Italy. Or sometimes in Portland, Oregon.
Best, Sandra
September 10, 2009
Tyler McCann
Incredible!
Fear gives us something to fight against. It shows us where we can go to challenge ourselves and become stronger people. Having no fears would be lame. As you said Chris, don’t let fear control your decisions, fight against them and power through while learning about yourself and the world!
Thank you for writing this.
September 10, 2009
Frank Caruso
Fear is important emotion. Sometimes Fear is as great a motivator as is setting goals. One factor that concerns me in younger people today is a certain lack of fear. In a society where the fear of failure is taken away, the fear of consequences are lost creates a new type of fear in myself. Without having failures and going through the exercises of winning and losing our youth will be lost in the correct decision to go towards. Their definition of success will be misguided. Without Fear you lack a vital part of the Human Compass.
September 10, 2009
Matt Geib
Chris:
Once again you have proven to me why I love reading your material so much, & that is you are a real, authentic person,,,You in many ways are just like all of us,,you have the same fears, doubts, desires etc,,,etc,,why I bet you even put your trousers on like I do–’One Leg at a Time:-)!”….I guess the difference for you is that you have learned how to overcome your fears & Fan your DESIRES to a white heat …where you will allow nothing to sidetrack you from living the Life you choose,,,,I admire that,,,I sometimes think my own desires & dreams are not achieved because my Desire is not yet strong & burning inside of me enough.
As for fears any sane person knows we all have them…One of my favorite novels, “The Red Badge of Courage” is a good study for any of us. Books like this & your post encourage me that it is ok to Fear,,even healthy at times,,,& yes if I ave given in to fear there is always hope that I can pick myself up and face that fear & become the person I was meant to be.
Thanks For Sharing
Matt Geib
September 10, 2009
Gillian
‘Fear will hold your prisoner. Hope will set you free.’
My favorite quote from my favorite movie ‘The Shawshank Redemption’.
Fear is good, but I think you must push past it. There are plenty of (good) reasons not to do something, fear should not be at the top of that list!
We set out on our trip to be fearful and uncomfortable – we have succeeded!!