Audition

Posted on February 26, 2013 by stacy

This weekend, I attended an audition. My first. Or, well, my first since my tryout for the college chorus.

I was late. It was raining. The subway was at a crawl for the last four stops. Not exactly how I’d like to show up for an audition: breathless, damp and sweaty, apologetic.

I kind of laughed when I walked into the audition room, because there sat four women I know, at increasing levels of intimacy: Dusty, Amy, Holly and dear friend Varda. I had not been expecting to know everyone there. But of course I should have expected that. I was auditioning for the Listen To Your Mother show, after all, an idea spurred by BlogHer (my place of employ, but more than that: a longtime home for me) and ushered into being by the fabulous Ann Imig.

A set up my piece on the music stand (which I wasn’t expecting to have — so helpful!), took a moment to give Varda a long sympathy hug (as she recently lost her mother, too soon after losing her father), and said to Varda, “I’m sorry, but I’ll be reading about my mom’s death, of course.”

And off I went—”My mother had refused to speak to me for three days…”—disappearing into my piece and feeling only the words that I had written and all the notions and images I had corralled for one of my favorite pieces I’ve ever written.

When it was finished, I may have taken a bow (excess adrenalin, that’s what I blame), and I definitely ran to give Varda another, longer hug. And then I waved and scooted out the door.

Truth is, I don’t even need to be picked as a performer for the show. (Though of course I would like to be.) But that singular experience of standing up and reading a piece about my mother, about me, about life and its gorgeous mishaps and mystical lessons, was rewarding enough.

Sharing who we are: it’s such a wonderful potion, a dose of concentrated humanity.

We can all hope nothing more than to be witnessed for who we are—which, of course, was what my piece was about. And for that experience this weekend, I thank LTYM, BlogHer and all the many, many deep, true friends I’ve made in the ether of the internet.

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About stacy

I am a writer, author, mother, longtime magazine editor (20 years in the business, 6 as editor in chief of Redbook), optimist, and, above all, a searcher. Right now, I'm searching for whom I'm really meant to be, after living through a series of very jarring changes that bumped me out of the life I was living: a son, then a divorce, a cataclysimcally messed-up house, which led to a book (Falling Apart In One Piece), and then, one week after that book came out, my parents both fell gravely ill, I resigned from my job (and maybe my career), my son got very scared and then, later, was diagnosed with an anxiety/ADHD disorder, my parents died, and at the same time, my boyfriend moved in with my son and me and we started the long and very painful journey of realizing we couldn't make our relationship work (that story unfolds on this blog). Since then I've been trying to figure out what's next. Or, in other words, how to fill in the blanks.
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11 Responses to Audition

  1. spacer D. A. Wolf says:
    February 26, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    How lovely, Stacy. To feel “seen.” Brava.

    Reply
  2. spacer Rita says:
    February 27, 2013 at 8:42 am

    Yay! Go, Stacy, go!
    (Um, yes: I was a high school cheerleader. I’m now rarely moved to use so many exclamation points or to use sentence constructions more often found in the writings of P.D. Eastman, but, somehow, this was my first and most heartfelt reaction to this post.)

    Reply
  3. spacer Ann says:
    February 27, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Thank you for this post–for the glimpse into your process and what it means to audition for LTYM. And thank you for taking that leap and trusting LTYM with your story. xo

    Reply
  4. spacer Heather in Arles says:
    February 28, 2013 at 4:51 am

    I loved what you said about “concentrated humanity” and how perfectly you seized up the audition ambience–I remember it well but do not miss it at all!

    Reply
    • spacer Heather in Arles says:
      February 28, 2013 at 4:54 am

      PS. I just read your “about” after replying and so clearly your bravery extends beyond putting your self, your truth out there in an audition room. With a hug from Provence and am signing up to follow…

      Reply
      • spacer stacy says:
        February 28, 2013 at 10:19 am

        Je te remercie pour vos mots gentils, et pour votre visite! xo

        Reply
        • spacer stacy says:
          February 28, 2013 at 10:20 am

          (Ha, I used “tu” and “vous” in same sentence. I win at French!)

          Reply
  5. spacer teamgloria says:
    March 1, 2013 at 12:27 am

    gosh.

    this brought back memories of when we recorded that lovely promo script we wrote together in the padded cell (sorry, studio) – do you remember?

    *happyMemories*

    spacer

    *wavingfromLA*

    brava, lady.

    for. everything.

    _tg xx

    Reply

  6. Pingback: In Great Company | Filling In The Blanks

  7. spacer Holly says:
    March 5, 2013 at 12:51 am

    I’m so glad you auditioned.

    Reply
  8. spacer Anne Flournoy says:
    March 7, 2013 at 11:20 am

    Goodness Stacy. What a story! (sort of reacting to both the post and the ‘about’ section. ) I so look forward to hearing you read on Mothers Day.

    Reply

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