My Roommate Is a Slob!
Welcome to Guest Mouthy Friday! Today our sage advice dispenser is Yulia, from She Suggests. Yulia and I share a sense of humor, so obviously she’s a comic genius. And I dare you to read this and not laugh. Enjoy! Marinka
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m a college student who is living in an apartment with three other girls. I didn’t know the girls until I moved into the apartment either. Well when I was first moving I was told that one of them was a total clean freak. As time as gone this has been proved wrong to me. I’ve been here a month and I’m about ready to scream. I’m always cleaning the kitchen because none of them know how to clean up after themselves but another one of them as the nerve to tell me I need to start doing my dishes sooner because I left a pan soaking for a little bit. Should I just suck it up and deal with the lack of cleanliness? Or should I talk to my roommates about it and hope to god that we can stay civil about it. I don’t want to have to move apartments over this but the lease isn’t up for another nine months.
Sincerely,
Clean Freak
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Dear Clean Freak,
Oh college, the best seven years of my life! The late night cram sessions (dirty), the smell of never opened textbooks, paying 30K for exchange students to teach you remedial calculus…wait, what was I doing? Oh yeah…
Dear Clean Freak,
Expecting college-aged people to clean up after themselves is a lot like expecting your grown ass husband to wear clean underwear every day: not developmentally appropriate. And not going to happen without nagging and refusing sex or rent money, whichever applies.
The way I see it, you have three options for dealing with those grimy gits:
One- Create a snazzy chore chart (try Bedazzling it!) outlining specific cleaning responsibilities such as rolling out the empty keg, re-attaching the blinds after a rousing game of naked Twister, or you know, cleaning the kitchen and whatnot. For each chore done properly, reward them with a shot of Goldschlagger! They will be getting their clean freak on in no time. Or getting freaky, either way probably more pleasant to be around.
Two-Find yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend/miniature schnauzer and crash at their place. Please be advised that a boyfriend is notoriously messy and you may or may not find a dead rat ensconced in his apartment walls (that remained undetected due to an existing permanently permeating odor). True story.
Three- Ask yourself have you ever tried to rid your stomach contents in a clean bathroom? The guilt! But a dirty porcelain God? It practically does the work for you! Your place will be the after party spot, before it’s condemned anyway. So I say live and let live, college is too short to spend it cleaning up after people! (That’s what marriage is for.)
Signed,
SheSuggests (it’s like I was made for an advice column yo!)
And now I return you to your regularly scheduled programming while I clean up after my dog, baby and husband, ahem.
9 Responses to “My Roommate Is a Slob!”
Comment by The Flying Chalupa.
Fabulous, Yuliya! You are an expert doler-outer-of-advice. I really should try the bedazzled chore chart with my husband. But sometimes I just wish I had a miniature schnauzer’s penthouse to escape to.