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If you haven’t caught it before, or delved deep enough into our archives, here’s a holiday treat: Night of the Frozen Elf

-Ed.

“Ramon nudged the body with his foot. “I’ve gotta apologize, Nash. You were right. This vehicle was a great idea.”

“Thanks!” Nash beamed as he pulled off his plastic clown mask. “It was more than that, it was brilliant.”

Ramon set his clown mask on the narrow counter inside the ice cream wagon, inspecting the body on the floor. “Easiest kill in a long time. The vehicle is perfect camouflage.  No one’s frightened of us when we’re wearing the clown masks. We can cut him up at our leisure and haul the entire carcass back to camp.” (more…)

SEQUEL TO THE PEZZOLANTI COLLAR

 

I roll off her, sweating and breathing hard. Almost instantly, my brief dalliance with euphoria ebbs away. My desires slaked, and the image of Dr. Pezzolanti creeps back into the forefront of my mind. (more…)

Ramon was munching on a human leg bone, determined to get every last bit of meat, when he stopped chewing.

“What’s the matter?” Nash asked, noticing Ramon’s pause.  “Get someone stuck between your teeth?” (more…)

A bit of flesh dropped onto the bench with a thunk!

The judge eyed the defendant. “Mr. Pierce, when I said approach the bench, I meant all of you, not one piece at a time.” (more…)

Twas the Night of the Zombie Apocalypse, when nothing at all was very well,
All sorts of creatures were stirring, even by dead neighbor, Bob, right where he fell.
Random boards and furniture were hung over the doors and sash,
in hopes the Army arriving, before having to dash. (more…)

“Go on, Nash, get it over with.”  Ramon gestured toward the stream of cars rushing by in the California twilight.

The younger zombie stared at the careening traffic.  “They’re moving awfully fast.”

“Yes, and that’s good.  They won’t be able to avoid you.” (more…)

Well, the guys at TOWWZ were mildly impressed by my story of fighting off zombies in the Amazon. By mildly impressed, I mean they threatened me with a restraining order, but didn’t follow through. And by fighting off zombies in the Amazon, I mean ducking and jiving, and climbing lots of trees, and pushing fat guys into the shuffling herds of the undead.  I’d rather not talk about zombies, though. (more…)

On Saturday morning two very excited men arrived at my house so we could rock up to Daresbury in the north of England to visit Zed Events – The Manor. One was a bouncing Big Rich, 6 foot 8 of enthusiastic Zombie fan. The other our very own young Scott Berryman who, rather than being a wannabe soldier like us, is actually in the military.

Our mode of transport was a bright orange G4 Land Rover, packed by Big Rich with everything you would need to survive the apocalypse such as Shovels, axes etc. None of which would actually be required but we felt it was important to look the part.

(more…)

It had been a long day.  My incompetent boss yelled at me again, some butt-biscuit side swiped my car and took off and I had an epic argument with my girlfriend last night.  I had to “apologize” so she would get off my back… Whatever.  At least I knew that tonight would be better, I already made plans.

I was going to shut off the phone, mute the TV, crank up some metal and punk and watch vintage roller derby footage.  I had plenty of beer in the fridge, but I need some lime cilantro taco flavored chips.  I pulled into the Snag-n-Dash to pick some up.  The door pinged when I came in, and just as I walked past the ATM I saw a zombie in aisle 3. (more…)

The outrage was immediate and intense.
There were riots in the streets.
Lower courts had ruled that zombies
had no civil rights. They had rights when
they were alive, but those rights were lost
when they died. (more…)