Understanding The BDSM Lifestyle
The BDSM Lifestyle is something commonly referred to on the scene as something you can live or adhere to. However, it is far from one single way of life that all sadomasochists follow. Rather it is an umbrella definition indicating that BDSM, the play, the thought of it, the relationships etc play an integral and important part of that persons life. People not living the bdsm lifestyle are generally referred to as "vanillas", which is basically a broad term describing anyone not into sadomasochism in any form.
Types of Sadomasochistic Relationships are as many as there are couples and partners on the scene. However they can be categorised into a variety of general forms, that most but not all fit into. It is important to note that even if your ideal or real relationship doesnt fit into any of the standard categories, you can be just as much of a BDSM lifestyler as those who has a partnership that does. There are no ultimate rights and wrongs, just observations of different types of relations between the dominants and submissives. That goes for pure fantasy as well as real life experiences and relationships.
The term BDSM amongst adults has an erotic or a ‘kinky’ connotation. It involves the sexual preferences like bondage and discipline, dominance and submission as well as sadism and masochism. The sadomasochistic lifestyle is commonly referred to as something you live with and follow. People take S&M as belief system, but it is nothing like the society portrays it to be. The sado maso belief system is like taking a step ahead in the present society and asking the question that “Why is it treated as a taboo?” Everyone has their own opinion and view about everything happening around them. Same goes with dominance and submission. Society should understand that some people see BDSM differently than others. BDSM is becoming a widely acceptable activity. People in the BDSM lifestyle simply long for acceptance and relationships that matter. The need to be a part of it knows no bounds and no age limits. It is a wonderful and sensuous journey of self-discovery and everyone treads a different path in this journey. The goal is common-To Enjoy the World of BDSM.
There is a wide range of activities within the BDSM lifestyle. From the mild spanking or light tying of wrists during sexual play to extreme sadomasochism activities like knife play, breath control or blood sports. S&M is not necessarily hardcore sadomasochism. It can be remarkably subtle and sensual and soft. Pinning your partner to the bed and running silk or ice cubes or rabbit fur over your lover's body qualifies as "BDSM" (specifically, of a variety called "sensation play"). BDSM involves Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism but Sadism and Masochism often fall hand in hand with Domination and Submission. The dominant partners are often sadists while the submissive are often masochists. Sadists enjoy seeing their partner in either pain or discomfort, while masochist experience arousal through the inflicted pain or discomfort.
The Master and Slave is the original way of characterizing the BDSM relationship. The levels of mastery or slavery vary from relationships to relationships. The Master Slave relation tends to have a strong physical punishment aspect to it where the punishments could include a whole range of things such as bondage, spanking pain, etc. On the other hand the Dominant and submissive relation does not necessarily involve pain and punishment. In this one partner willingly submits herself or himself to the other partner. There are even extreme punishment techniques followed like electro-agony playtime piercing, needle pain etc.
Bondage in BDSM is the practice of being consensually physically restrained at the hands of the dominant partner. Participating in bondage stimulates both the partners and is often used as foreplay, teasing or even intercourse. Bondage involves one’s appendages being tied together in a manner that they cannot escape. Many types of equipment like collars, cuffs, tapes, ropes, corsets are used in this. Even very risky methods like suspending one off the floor are used. So, it is very important to note that the BDSM community takes particular care in the safety of all the parties involved, especially in terms of extreme bondage which involves high risks.
However people practicing BDSM have no reason to be ashamed. They should be proud of the beautiful lifestyle they share and live. Shame comes from suppressing ones feelings and never allowing it to blossom. There are no ultimate rights or wrongs. One can be as much as a BDSM lifestyler as any other person living in the society. Everyone has the right to live as they are whatever way they wish to be.
What Is BDSM ?
What is BDSM? Whether one knows the naughty details or not, the acronym BDSM amongst most adults has a very erotic and “kinky” connotation—enveloping the sexual preference that involves bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, as well as sadism and masochism. Almost all sexually active individuals can relate with the terms “top” and “bottom” in terms of sex, but it doesn’t necessarily involve whips and chains. Though most intimate couples have an idea of or take turns in regards to who’s “in charge” or “does all of the work” in bed, others desire more defined and detailed roles. BDSM envelopes a wide spectrum of practices that may involve fetishism, sexual subcultures, and interpersonal relationships. The term can be in pertinence to people that have preferences of all types—a BDSM-loving “bottom” may love to be spanked and restrained, whilst a “top” of the same nature may enjoy domination and torment over the aforementioned individual. The concept of practicing BDSM does not hold specifications upon the gender identity or sexual orientations of partners, nor their level of intimacy. A complex culture of endless possibilities, terms, tools, and play, introduction to BDSM in a couple’s life can bring a twosome closer in new winds of excitement, intensity, and fun.
BDSM, bondage and discipline often appear jointly as related concepts. Bondage is the practice of being consensually physically restrained, likely at the hands of one that is a dominant partner. Participating in bondage is capable of stimulating both partners involved, and can be used in foreplay, teasing, forced stimulation, or even intercourse—the tied-up partner is often satisfied in light of the concept that they are being restrained, forced, at the mercy of their partner, or that their situation cannot be helped. Meanwhile, the dominant in the situation may find pleasure in the idea that their partner is helpless, vulnerable, pained, or simply the fact that the restrained partner is finding pleasure in the act. Situation of such restraint may assist fantasies involving roleplaying fantasies or humiliation. Bondage usually involves one’s appendages being tied together (via handcuffs, etc.) or to an object in which they cannot escape. It may also include the muffling of one’s senses and abilities to speak—this can involve blindfolding, gagging, or forcibly covering one’s mouth (e.g. with tape). A bondage-lover’s equipment commonly includes both obscure and household objects alike: harnesses, collars, corsets, ropes, diapers, and gags. Popular methods of bondage play include the ball tie, hogtie method, crotch rope, and suspension bondage. The ball tie features the restrained partner being tied into a “ball” or fetal position through means of complex roping. The legs are typically bent to the point whereas the thighs are touching the chest—this often induces the effect of restricted breathing as well, a commonly enjoyed result. The hogtie method is a popular form of restraint involving the individual’s wrists and ankles being tied or cuffed together. Specifically for women, the crotch rope is a technique whereas the rope is passed between the labia to apply pressure/pain to the genitals. Of higher riskiness, suspension bondage involves a submissive tied up and suspended from a raised point off the ground. It is important to note that the BDSM community takes particular care in the safety of all parties involved, particularly in terms of extreme bondage.
Discipline is a common practice that often takes place between a submissive and dominant partner, in which the submissive suffers at the hands of the dominant for disobedient or ‘bad’ behavior—ultimately performed for pleasurable means for both partners. ‘Rules’ and ‘order’ often apply between partners in order to establish a sense of control and protocol between the two consensually. Bondage can be used as punishment, which is one way whereas the aforementioned concept goes hand-in-hand with discipline. Punishments other than bondage may include being ordered to perform a task (such as stimulate oneself, stimulating the dominant or even nonsexual practices such as chores physical labor) or pain caused physically. Upon a rule being broken, the submissive may be physically punished by whipped, spanked, hit, or ‘forced’ into sex. Psychological infliction of discomfort may also ensue as a form of discipline, through verbal abuse and humiliation—a variation of such may run into carrying out such punishments in public.
Domination and submission (commonly referred to as D&S) refers to a variation of practices and behaviors surrounding the idea of one sexual partner being in consensual control of the other. Physical contact is not needed to engage in play relating to this concept. Dominant partners are often referred to as “tops”, whilst submissives are commonly called “bottoms”. While the lowly bottoms are nicknamed “subs”, superior dominants are either called doms (male) or dommes (female) based upon gender. A paid professional female domme (as there are some who engage in D&S play for money) is referred to as a dominatrix. There are many levels of intensity pertaining to a couple who follows some of the wide spectrum of practices involved in dominance and submission—it may range from the dominant ordering their “slave” around and ‘forcing’ them to partake in certain activities, to the submissive being tied in the air, blindfolded, and whipped. Humiliation (often public), trampling, the use of submissives as human furniture or toilets, corporal punishment, and servitude may be enforced depending on what the couple desires are. D&S relationships may also entail the degradation of the submissive partner—subs may be treated as babies, dogs, or slaves, while male subs may be subject to feminization (forced cross-dressing, or becoming what is referred to commonly as a “sissy”).
Sadism and masochism often fall hand-in-hand with domination and submission; dominant partners are often sadists, and submissives are often masochists. Practices of bondage and discipline apply to what may lead to satisfaction of either party. Sadists enjoy seeing their partners in pain or discomfort (applied sexually in the BDSM culture), whilst masochists achieve arousal through experiencing inflicted pain or discomfort. Many of those who take practice in sadomasochism refer to themselves as ‘switches’—someone who is capable of taking pleasure from receiving pain or inflicting it.
Whether in a romantic or sexual partnership, as said before, the BDSM community focuses on pleasure (or pleasure from lack thereof) and safety for all parties involved. The vast majority of those who practice maintain safe, sane, legal, and consensual aspects of all actions done unto others. The use of ‘safewords’ have become a very common practice within the subculture, as practices may become emotionally or physically overwhelming for many—in other words, one may use a word not normally uttered in sex as a code to express discomfort or a sign for the other partner to take a certain action (such as ‘stop’, ‘slow down’, ‘go faster’, etc.). Though it may seem intimidating and like cold, uncharted waters to newcomers at first, BDSM-engaging individuals are more often than not safe, compassionate people who only have intentions of safe fun and positive experiences in mind for all parties.
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Master & Slave - Master and slave (girl) is one of the original ways of characterising a BDSM relationship. These days the term is so widespread that it covers a whole range of relationship types involving some form of dominance, power exchange or sadomasochism. In a more traditional perspective a master is schooling dominant of the slave that needs to be controlled, taught and disciplined. The levels have always varied but you would normally expect the slave girl to either collared or in training for a collar by the use discipline, tasks and punishments. Punishments could include a whole range of things such as bondage, pain, spanking, corporal punishment etc but the main point is that the slave is the property of the master and within the boundaries of the relationship he decides what measures are necessary for the specific slave girl.
Dominant & Submissive - As noted above the master and slave relationship tends to have a strong physical punishment aspect, whereas the dominant and submissive relation doesnt necessarily involve any form of pain or punishment. The submissive is simply in a position where she willingly submits to the more dominant party in the relationship. Practically such relationships can be seen in numerous forms and intensities, and equally submission and dominance can be natural ingredients in most other forms of S/M related partnerships. Submissive play can include phenomenons or fetishes such as pet play training, house maid fantasies or school girl / headmaster fantasies, but equally it can be simply a form of interaction whereby one of the partners take charge, have the command and make the rulings sexually or otherwise
BDSM Relationships is an erotic preference and a form of personal relationship involving the use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role play. BDSM is a term which defines various patterns in sexual behavior. “B&D” stand for Bondage and Discipline, “D&S” for Dominance and Submission and “S&M” for Sadomasochism.
There are many kinds of relationships involved in BDSM Relationships. Partners in this choose their own kind, the one they are comfortable with. There are so many 'myth-perceptions' about BDSM Relationships that it is just about kinky sex! BDSM and Dominance/submission is about so much more. It is about giving and about receiving. It is about opening one's self to another so completely and fully there is complete transparency between partners. It is about finding your whole self and reveling in every bit of you! BDSM Relationships are defined differently for every person involved. It is not about abuse, it is not about losing one's self, and it is not about being incapable of behaving in an adult manner and needing caretaking. Dominance and submission is about responsibility and expectations. It is about all parties reaching for their highest potential, together. It is about building a relationship that suits you perfectly.
In a BDSM relationship the partner who has the active role in the relationship is described as the "top," a role that involves inflicting pain or subjugation. The partner referred to as the "bottom" submits voluntarily to the actions of the top. The top is usually the dominant partner and the bottom the submissive partner. But in some cases it may not be so. The top may follows instructions from the bottom according to the bottom's desires. This is sometimes called "service topping." If the bondage/discipline aspect of BDSM involves a top actively performing a skill while a bottom willingly submits, then the dominance/submission aspect here is reversed from what is normally expected.
Many BDSM practitioners regard the practice of BDSM in their sex life as role playing. Terms like "Play" and "Playing" are often used by such practitioners. It is to describe their role in the activity. Play of this sort for a specified period of time is called a "Session", and the contents and the circumstances of play are often referred to as the "Scene". It is also common in personal relationships to use the term "Kink Play" for BDSM activities.
Quality long-term functioning relationships exist among practitioners of BDSM, with either sex being in the top or bottom positions. Respondents in the study expressed their BDSM orientation to be built into who they are. They considered exploring their BDSM interests and showed flexibility and adaptability in order to match their interests with their partners. The "perfect match" where both in the relationship shared the same tastes and desires are rare, and most relationships required both partners to take up or put away some of their desires. The BDSM activities that the couples took part in varied in sexual to nonsexual significance for the partners who reported doing certain BDSM activities for "couple bonding, stress release, and spiritual quests". Subsets of long-term BDSM relationships are those relationships in which everyday life is clearly framed by the concept of BDSM even outside of sexual activities. The partners involved maintain in their daily life an appropriate balance of power and accordingly make aspects of BDSM a consistent part of their lifestyle. Here, BDSM cannot be designated a merely sexual phenomenon.
BDSM Relationships are very challenging. Aside from the regular things that every couple or partner need, those involved in such a relationship need to deal with the dynamic that comes from domination and submission.
A detailed definition of BDSM includes a lot of underlying concepts which needs to be explained. BDSM does not necessarily mean that it has to be a relationship between a master and slave in fact it can also occur between a husband and a wife or a couple. It can happen between any two people where one orders and the other is designated to do all the tasks. This task involves doing all things in bed. These sexual tasks may involve a lot of pain caused to the inferior. However the superior enjoys the comfort while hurting the other person. It should also be kept in mind that there are no sexual obligations in it. It can be either he/she holding the position of the master or the slave. But the difference only lies in the mode of work. These tasks might also needs a lot of tools and equipments while performing. At certain instances it might be like both of them are playing the role of master and slave while in natural they are couples. This kind of act is involved in order to make the power of dominance more influencing. However there are different methods involved to perform the tasks in a BDSM relation such as:-
1) The ball type
2) The hogtie method
3) The other method which includes many household equipment
The major thing which must be kept in mind is that all this tasks in bed also follows a complete set of discipline. If the inferior makes the mistake of breaking the discipline under any situation he/she might be liable to all kinds of severe punishment. These punishments include forcing, hurting and causing stress to the inferior in the form of sex. This disciplined form of method is created so that it helps to establish a control of the superior. It also helps to maintain a track of the way the superior performs her tasks. Without this discipline it might have been worse for both the master and the slave.
BDSM relation is not a sexual relation alone in fact includes a huge list of tasks being performed. This tasks in no way can be distinguished from other major tasks as this also requires full concentration and discipline while performing. Without the prior discipline and responsibility it also might lead to a lot of troubles in terms of pain.
Like all other works such tasks also includes a boss and a worker. The worker needs to abide by all the rules given by the boss where as the boss has got all his rights ensured in order to teach the worker, pay the worker as well as make him/her suffer due to any kind of mistakes being caused by his/her performance. The relationship between a master and slave often tends to grow due to some kind of attractions for one another. But it is an accepted fact that a servant is bound to accept all types of punishment given by the master which result in such sexual punishment. The sexual relationship that often evolves between a master and a maid-servant is a kind of BDSM relationship. Such relationships are quite familiar these days due to the power and dominance of one over the other.
This happens when one is under the order of the other. So such relationships continue because the servant does not protests against it in fact submit her to it. Naturally when a worker is working under a person she needs to follow the rules, learn the work and even do as asked for. Certain times when she is unable to perform well she is also subjected to punishment which might be physical in a variety of ways. Till the time the maid is under the bondage to serve she has to accept all types of punishment that the master thinks to b right even though it may cause a lot of pain.
As mentioned in the previous paragraph though this kind of punishment causes pain to the worker but it is a kind of enjoyment to the master. Actually the master does not tend to feel any kinds of pain or feelings for the worker. As long as the worker accepts everything it is desirable for the master to think that such punishments are liable. However this necessarily don’t have to be a maid and a master relation or always does not need to be the person who is involved in some kind of labor based work. This can even be found in places where quality makes the atmosphere such as the relationship may often develop between a teacher and a student. Such relationship can develop in every place when there’s someone who orders and the other one need to follow the command.
BDSM relationship are nowadays getting filled everywhere. There is no place as such where one can believe that such relationship can not grow. In all places one need to learn from a superior person. But it is only through such dominance that results in a BDSM relationship which is painful for the learner. Such pains are of creates no feelings to the dominating person as he wants the inferior to go on following the command. As for the person who is under the pain also does not feels the need to protest as according to her thought she would be able to learn and grow if she follows the command properly and so she submits herself entirely to her master.
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Feelings like your hands are tied when it comes to your sex life? Or are you just wishing they were? Bondage sex toys are a great way to spice up your sex life. Bondage and Fetish toys add mystery, danger, and twisted fun to your relationship. BDSM, bondage and discipline are related. Bondage is the practice of being consensually physically restrained by the dominant partner. The most common practice in bondage is to tie up the submissive partner so that they cannot escape thereby feeling helpless. It gives the concept that they are being restrained and are at the mercy of their dominant partner.
Bondage usually involves one’s appendages being tied together (via handcuffs, etc.) or to an object in which they cannot escape. It may also include the muffling of one’s senses and abilities to speak. This can involve blindfolding, gagging, or forcibly covering one’s mouth (e.g. with tape). A bondage-lover’s equipment commonly includes both obscure and household objects alike: harnesses, collars, corsets, ropes, diapers, and gags. Popular methods of bondage play include the ball tie, hogtie method, crotch rope, and suspension bondage. The ball tie features the restrained partner being tied into a “ball” or fetal position through means of complex roping. The legs are typically bent to the point whereas the thighs are touching the chest—this often induces the effect of restricted breathing as well, a commonly enjoyed result. The hogtie method is a popular form of restraint involving the individual’s wrists and ankles being tied or cuffed together. Specifically for women, the crotch rope is a technique whereas the rope is passed between the labia to apply pressure/pain to the genitals. Of higher riskiness, suspension bondage involves a submissive tied up and suspended from a raised point off the ground. It is important to note that the BDSM toys and tools community takes particular care in the safety of all parties involved, particularly in terms of extreme bondage.
Bondage bed is also a kind of BDSM toys and tools equipment. It is a bed designed for bondage and BDSM play. The design typically falls into two main variants - a standard bed designed primarily for sleeping on but which has purpose built attachments for bondage, and a table-like piece of furniture with a padded top and multiple fixing points around it. This second variant is purely designed for bondage and would be part of a purpose built dungeon.
Another popular tool is Bondage mittens or bondage mitts. They are pouch-like coverings that fasten securely around the wrists, holding the hands in closed fists or palms flat. They are often used in BDSM toys and tools at play. Unlike mittens for cold-weather use, bondage mittens are tubes or bags without a separate thumb and are typically made of leather or some other stiff material to prevent the wearer from grasping through the material of the mittens. Some mittens hold the hands flat in a sandwich of stiff material while others trap the hands in balled fists. Both kinds often include a ring at the end with which to anchor the mitten to other restraints. Similar mitten-like devices exist for institutional use as patient restraints. There also exist mitts that inflate, and ones with interiors designed to cause discomfort to the wearer.
Aside from the general advice related to safe sex, BDSM sessions often require a wider array of safety precautions than vanilla sex (sexual behavior without BDSM elements). To ensure consent related to BDSM activity, pre-play negotiations are commonplace, especially among partners who do not know each other very well. These negotiations concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework. This kind of discussion is a typical "unique selling proposition" of BDSM sessions and quite commonplace. |
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