FAILs

I was so drunk I jumped off the toilet and dove face first into a cat’s litter box.

I was so drunk I was waiting at a bus stop and needed to pooh. I decided to drop my trousers and do it, but with no toilet paper i grabbed a leaf. I was pushing one out when the bus arrived. The driver stopped, and i was squatting with half a shit hanging out, at the moment he shook his head at me, i opened my mouth to protest, but all that came out was vomit, he left. To summarize, vomited whilst squatting and shitting, bus driver refused to take me.

I was in bed with my girlfriend and I was so drunk that I couldn’t make it hard.

I was so drunk last night that I puked everywhere in front of my mom and my future boss.

I was so drunk that I tried to type the full story but it exceeded the 600 character limit.  Long story short, me and my wingman got plastered at a ratchet bar, got ripped off by a gap toothed hooker while the police dragged me from the wrong motel room to mine, only to contemplate the origin on period blood on the bed and the locations of our missing wallets.  Went to work 2 hours later and spent the day half drunk and strung out on caffeine pills, only to drown our sorrows at the same bar and hire another hooker.

I was so drunk that after I left a party with a few friends they lost me in a parking lot and had to search 30 mins for me only to find me passed out near a car.

I was so drunk once, I stumbles onto this website to find something entertaining, I read a whole page before I realized I was on the wrong website.

I was so drunk last night that I left a party I was throwing at my house when my parents showed up out of nowhere. I started claiming they were undercover cops and called friends to come pick me up because my parents were about to arrest me. I threw my phone and keys because I thought they were tracking me (still have not found my keys) and finally woke up the next morning in a ditch about 1 and a half miles from home.

I got so drunk once that I fell asleep and I didn’t feel that my friends drew a penis on my forehead. I left the party and came back home to my parents and all my family invited for lunch.

I was so drunk once that I put a feather in my ass and I thought I could fly.