Offbeat Male of the Group

Name: Born Nehemiah Clapsaddle, but also known as Lefty Field to friends who care and others who don’t. I picked the name because it represents my very favorite location.

Birthday: None of your damn business!

Birthplace: See above, but if you must know, Brooklyn, New York, where anything can happen.

Current Residence: I reside in Philadelphia, PA, but my true home is in your nightmares; you know, those bad dreams resulting from eating too much sugar and/or watching late night horror movies.

Description: I am not too tall and not too short. I stand about…well, I stand, and I guess that’s enough information. My hair is black and my eyes brown. I am somewhere between forty-five and death.

Ethnic Background: I am Caesarian on my mother’s side, but my father has traces of several nationalities, all of which escape me at the moment. I will get back to you on this. (I think I might be part French and part Russian, but I can’t swear to it.)

Favorite Place to Visit: Tiera del Fuego, Antartica, Iceland in winter and the Sahara Desert in summer. My favorite springtime and fall places are often up for grabs.

Favorite Accessories: dark glasses (worn inside out), decorative shoelaces (the tying kind) and dysfunctional alarm clocks.

Favorite Television Shows: Everybody Loves a Psychopath, Ghosts I Have Known, The Odd Among Us and 59 Minutes.

Favorite Movies: The Chain Saw Massacre, Everyone Loves an Albatross, Psycho Barbecue, Chuckie Goes Hawaiian

Strong Character Traits: I have always been known to call a spade a spade and my problem comes with all the other cards in the deck. I am honest and forthright in my dealings with people, drugs and spirits of all kinds. I always finish what I start and I never forget a kindness or a not-so kindness. In other words, don’t mess with me.

Character Flaws: What does flaw mean?

Vices: not enough, but working on it. I don’t smoke or drink, but I used to do both (and very well, I might add). Guess that does make me a bit boring.

Hobbies: dissecting moving things, eating strange foods, avoiding bill collectors, reading obituaries, stuffing road kill.

Plans For The Future: When I get out of jail, I plan to make a new start through my brother-in-law who has some connections in Dry Goods. Meanwhile, allow me to guide you into the realm of the offbeat and surreal where everyone knows my name (sort of).

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