Go potty, go to jail

After I called for a boycott of the airlines last month, I was inundated with hundreds of e-mails advising me that you readers were already doing exactly that.

Recent reports suggest the airlines are starting to feel the pinch financially despite the optimistic pronouncements of the same Wall Street types that gave Enron a glowing bill of health. Yet, amazingly, other reports indicate the abusive nature of airline and airport employees toward passengers is increasing.

Take, for example, the case of Richard Bizarro. (No, I am not making up his name.) This hapless guy needed to relieve himself last Saturday after his flight was within 30 minutes of landing. Because he had the audacity to break Uncle Sam’s bathroom curfew, he now faces up to 20 years in prison.

Yep, that’s right, folks – no joke – take a dump, go to jail.

Aren’t you inspired by how well the federal nanny state is protecting us from these toilet terrorists? I can only wonder what would happen if about 10 strategically seated protesters, er, passengers – who had consumed massive amounts of beans, beer and other helpful materials the day before – wanted to use the bathroom during the first 30 minutes of a flight and were denied access to the bathroom under threat of jail time. If they then decided to let nature take its course in their seats, I wonder how long the airlines would continue to support the FAA’s 30-minute rule.

It’s really only a matter of time before some flatulent soul finds he or she cannot retain yesterday’s meal. Maybe this has already happened. I’ll bet the leather seats in First Class clean up easier than the cloth seats in Coach. Either way, I’d rather not fly any more, thank you.

And I’m not alone. Other people are fighting back with their wallets. Why? Because it’s getting worse out there. The FAA seems determined to herd people like sheep, threaten them with prison time if they don’t kowtow, and continue their outrageous assault on our constitutional rights. Makes me wonder who the real terrorists really are.

If you decide to fly anyway, Paul Sperry has put together a handy guide to what the airport security personnel theoretically can and cannot do to you – not that such information has slowed the abuses by airport screeners. Want to know why? Look at what else Paul found out: