Is bad behavior the new normal? How do we change it?

“Each of us has the power to make the planet a more hospitable, pleasant, caring, and safe place to live.... It starts with respecting others and recognizing their right to be here. Saving Civility is about how we contribute to society and work together—locally and globally—with greater respect, awareness, understanding, and acceptance of one another. A polite planet embodies a worldview of a civilized society—one that is enlightened and empathetic.”

—from the Introduction

Cyberbullying, hostile and polarizing political infighting, and tasteless and tactless behavior may be on the rise, but it doesn't have to be this way. Sara Hacala, a certified etiquette and protocol consultant, offers a definitive look at what civility means and how it can change the nature of everyday interaction. She goes beyond a superficial discussion of proper manners to present civility as a mind-set that encompasses values and attitudes that help you embrace your connections to others and repair society. Tapping the wisdom of ancient spiritual luminaries as well as the latest social science research, she provides fifty-two practical ways you can reverse the course of incivility and make the world a more enriching, pleasant place to live.

“Timely—more necessary now than ever.... [M]akes an impressive case that civility is a lot more than just good table manners.... A surprisingly important book [that] should be required reading for our society.”

—New York Journal of Books

“Insightful … goes beyond platitudes about the importance of treating one another with respect to practical, everyday advice…. An important resource guide for work, home and travel…. An appeal to the spirit, and a call for compassion and grace.”

—Kerry Kennedy, president, Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights

“In a cacophonous world increasingly made more unsettling by thoughtlessness, discourtesy and plain old-fashioned rudeness, Sara Hacala doesn’t just moan about our modern boorishness, she shows us how we can start being more kind and gentle to one another.”

—Frank Deford, NPR commentator and author

“Emphasizes creating connections with other people.... Urges readers to smile, listen to others, and respect their boundaries, while advising them to try to see themselves as others see them.”

—Library Journal

“[Illustrates how] respect, courtesy [and] consideration … can make a huge difference in your life and in the lives of those around you. Civility is not dead, and this book will help ensure it’s here to stay!”

—Linda Kaplan Thaler, CEO and CCO,The Kaplan Thaler Group;
bestselling author with Robin Koval,The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness

“A must read!... [To] treat people well with trust, dignity and respect … will never go out of fashion and has its own just rewards in the end.”

—Jack Mitchell, CEO, Mitchell Family of Stores; bestselling author,
Hug Your Customers and Hug Your People

“Ardent and persuasive…. Penetrating analysis about the dearth of polite conduct in our society … offers cogent solutions that are easy to understand and adopt…. Extensive research … adds impact and credibility to this much-needed antidote to our national malaise…. America needs this book!”

—Sybil Steinberg, former Publishers Weekly Forecasts editor

“Provide[s] an antidote [to incivility], a compendium of helpful suggestions for acting and communicating with civility in every phase of our lives.”

—Rev. Charles L. Currie, SJ, president, Association of Jesuit Colleges and Universities

“A wonderful guide to building a culture of character and a challenge to all of us to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem…. A [delightful] how-to manual for living well and adding to the quality of the lives of everyone around us. Reading it makes you feel good about being a member of the human family.”

—Thomas Lickona, director, Center for the 4th and 5th Rs (Respect and Responsibility),
State University of New York; author, Character Matters

“Loaded with great practical strategies for living more civil, rewarding, richer lives…. Makes a compelling case for how individuals and society benefit from civility.”

—Christine Porath, professor, Georgetown University; co-author, The Cost of Bad Behavior

“A wise and engaging discussion about the transformative powers of conduct, connectivity and cooperation. Packed full of practical ideas … offers small steps we can all take that can ultimately change our lives and our world.”

—Rev. Susan Sparks, senior pastor, Madison Avenue Baptist Church, New York City;
author, Laugh Your Way to Grace: Reclaiming the Spiritual Power of Humor

“Chances are you need to read this book. We are losing our civility and with it our society. Sara Hacala just might be able to save both.”

—Rabbi Rami Shapiro, author, The Sacred Art of Lovingkindness: Preparing to Practice

“Commonsense simple … user friendly. I guarantee you’ll adopt [these] methods and feel better for it.”

—Nelle Nugent, Broadway producer

“Compelling, inspiring and practical … concrete actions you can do today.”

—Tim Koller, partner, McKinsey & Company; author, Value: The Four Cornerstones of Corporate Finance

INTRODUCTION
The Rise of Rude, Crude, and Attitude
How We're All Part of the Problem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
How Rude Can You Be? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
The Disconnect. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
Incivility Bites . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
The Polite Planet Action Guide
How You Can Be Part of the Solution
1 Know Who You Are . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
2 Live in the Present Moment. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
3 Smile. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
4 See Yourself as Others See You. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
5 Sharpen Your Social Antenna . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
6 Respect the Boundaries of Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
7 Listen Up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
8 Discern the Right Meaning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
9 Strike a Tone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
10 Recognize the Power of Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
11 Hold Your Tongue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
12 Resist Rhetoric . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
13 Disagree Agreeably . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75
14 Keep a Negotiation on Track . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79
15 Donմ Burn Bridges . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82
16 Set Your Moral Compass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
17 Build Trust. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86
18 Strive for Truth. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89
19 Take the High Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92
20 Laugh at Least Once a Day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94
21 Just Be Nice! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98
22 Cultivate Optimism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
23 Embrace Kindness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105
24 Live Generously. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
25 Practice Gratitude. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113
26 Embody Enough . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117
27 Adapt Adeptly. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122
28 Practice Patience. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125
29 Drive Gently on the Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 128
30 Pick Your Battles Wisely. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131
31 Remember What Your Mother Taught You. . . . . . . 133
32 Teach Your Children Well . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136
33 Bring Back the Magic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 140
34 Mind Your Cybermanners . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143
35 Time It Right. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 146
36 Delight Your Host, Please Your Guest . . . . . . . . . . . 149
37 Dress to Fit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 153
38 Apologize. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 156
39 Learn to Forgive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 161
40 Celebrate Diversity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 165
41 Travel Often and Well. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 168
42 Consider Your Fellow Travelers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 172
43 Practice Nonviolence. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 174
44 Judge Not Thy Neighbor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 176
45 Play Fair and Everyone Wins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 178
46 Put All Hands on Deck. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 180
47 Choose Your Heroes Wisely . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 183
48 Enhance Your Likeability . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 186
49 Work at Workplace Civility . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 189
50 Grow a Very Big Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 193
51 Reel in Whatճ Real . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 198
52 Plant a Seed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 200
A Call to Action
Plea for a Polite Planet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 205
Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 213
Notes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 217
References . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 223

Golden Rule and the Games People Play: The Ultimate Strategy for a Meaning-Filled Life

Rami Shapiro

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Golden Rule and the Games People Play

The Ultimate Strategy for a Meaning-Filled Life

6 x 9, 176 pp , 978-1-59473-598-1

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This philosophical game changer looks critically at the Golden Rule in the context of game theory to see where it works and where it doesn’t, when it is applicable and when it isn’t. It shows you why knowing the difference can offer you a powerful way to transform your life from one driven by fear to one driven by love.

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Struggling in Good Faith: LGBTQI Inclusion from 13 American Religious Perspectives

Edited by Mychal Copeland, MTS, and D’vorah Rose, BCC
Foreword by Bishop Gene Robinson
Afterword by Ani Zonneveld, founder and president, Muslims for Progressive Values

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Struggling in Good Faith

LGBTQI Inclusion from 13 American Religious Perspectives

6 x 9, 240 pp , 978-1-59473-602-5

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LGBTQI people and allies, clergy, activists and scholars explore LGBTQI inclusion in their religious communities, addressing how their faith’s teachings have been traditionally interpreted, the ways in which inclusion is being consciously constructed or denied, and where LGBTQI people can find support within the tradition.

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The Sacred Art of Lovingkindness: Preparing to Practice

Rabbi Rami Shapiro
Foreword by Marcia Ford

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The Sacred Art of Lovingkindness

Preparing to Practice

5½ x 8½, 176 pp , 978-1-59473-151-8

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Shows you that by choosing to act out of love rather than fear, with kindness rather than anger, you can transform how you perceive the world and ultimately lead a more complete spiritual life.

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Hospitality—The Sacred Art: Discovering the Hidden Spiritual Power of Invitation and Welcome

Rev. Nanette Sawyer
Foreword by Rev. Dirk Ficca

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Hospitality—The Sacred Art

Discovering the Hidden Spiritual Power of Invitation and Welcome

5½ x 8½, 208 pp , 978-1-59473-228-7

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A practical guide to cultivating the spiritual power of invitation and welcome in your life. Discover how the qualities of hospitality can deepen your self-understanding and help you build transforming and lasting relationships with others and with God.

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Finding Peace through Spiritual Practice: The Interfaith Amigos’ Guide to Personal, Social and Environmental Healing

Pastor Don Mackenzie, Rabbi Ted Falcon and Imam Jamal Rahman

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Finding Peace through Spiritual Practice

The Interfaith Amigos’ Guide to Personal, Social and Environmental Healing

6 x 9, 200 pp (est) , 978-1-59473-604-9

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Pastor Don Mackenzie, Rabbi Ted Falcon and Imam Jamal Rahman, who have become known as the Interfaith Amigos, look at the specific issues we face in a pluralistic society and the spiritual practices that can help us transcend those roadblocks to effective collaboration on the critical issues of our time.

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How to Be a Perfect Stranger, 6th Edition: The Essential Religious Etiquette Handbook

Edited by Stuart M. Matlins and Arthur J. Magida

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How to Be a Perfect Stranger, 6th Edition

The Essential Religious Etiquette Handbook

6 x 9, 416 pp , 978-1-59473-593-6

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It's increasingly common to be invited to a wedding, funeral or other religious service for someone of a different faith. This easy-to-read religious etiquette guidebook helps the well-meaning guest feel comfortable and participate as fully as possible.

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