Travel

05/14/2013

Sardonika Prepares For Disaster

spacer SARDONIKA (SPINews) -- Observers here are watching the sea with more interest than usual, fearing it will keep rising and soon wash over this island.

Madame Zenya recently predicted danger for this small nation.

Says one expert at the Sardonika Policy Institute, “We don’t know if it’s climate change or just a really, really, really high tide.

Climate-change detractors, including Republicans in Washington, D.C., deny it’s climate change.  

As one tells SPINews, “It’s probably just land sinking.”

Meanwhile President Ruttles is taking charge and building an ark.

 

Posted on 05/14/2013 at 08:58 AM in Current Affairs, Politics, Science, SPINews, Travel | Permalink | Comments (0)

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04/25/2013

W's Library

DALLAS (SPINews) -- Excitement is building for the opening today of the George W. Bush Presidential Library on the Southern Methodist University campus here.

"It's not your run-of-the-mill executive museum," says curator Rollo "Little Turdblossom" Fark. "The only book in the library is 'My Pet Goat'."

Special features include:

  • The Coalition of the Willing Arcade
  • The Axis of Evil Tilt-a-Whirl
  • Re-enactions of body cavity searches by the Patriot Actors
  • A database of English words introduced by the former leader
  • A mountain bike diorama with brush-clearing stations
  • A 24-hour cafeteria specializing in Freedom Fries
  • Basement try-it-yourself waterboarding tables
  • Hurricane Katrina "Good Job, Brownie" Late Responders Monument
  • The president's flight suit and "Mission Accomplished" banner
  • The date of Cheney's next heart transplant -- A Guessing Game!
  • VP Cheney's Undisclosed Location
  • Reflecting Pool for Disaffected Liberals

Fark says they are almost ready to open:  "We just need to find those WMDs."

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Posted on 04/25/2013 at 06:00 AM in Current Affairs, History, Politics, SPINews, Travel | Permalink | Comments (1)

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04/22/2013

Flash: Chechens NOT Czechs

spacer WASHINGTON, D.C. (SPINews) -- Czech Republic Ambassador Petr Gandalovic has reminded social network “commentators” that his country is in central Europe and 2,000 miles from Chechnya, which is an angry part of Russia.

Therefore Chechens are not Czechs.

SPINews suggests more corrections to goofs by American bloggers:

  • Czechs are not checks
  • Checks are not plaids
  • Boston is not Bosnia
  • Central Europe is east of Western Europe
  • Europe is east of Washington
  • Dzhokhar is not The Joker
  • Pressure cookers are not pressure washers

Gandalovic tells SPINews, “And to our knowledge, God is not punishing Boston.”

Posted on 04/22/2013 at 06:18 AM in Current Affairs, History, Politics, SPINews, Travel | Permalink | Comments (4)

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04/14/2013

Crystal Clear: Georgia Proms

spacer SARDONIKA -- Madame Zenya predicts Georgie Governor Nathan Deal, who won’t support integrated school proms, will endorse high-school minstrel shows.

He will also stay mum on designating drinking fountains “Whites” and “Coloreds”.

Although Carnival cruise execs will not reimburse the U.S. $780,000 for the at-sea rescue of one of its ships, they will install each with 5,000 portable johns. 

 

Posted on 04/14/2013 at 06:25 AM in Current Affairs, History, Politics, Travel | Permalink | Comments (0)

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04/08/2013

Kim Riddle Solved

SEOUL, South Korea (SPINews) -- What is  that crazy little North Korean child dictator Kim Jong Un always looking at with his binos?

Yesterday, at great danger, sources in Pyongyang slipped photos to SPINews that may provide an answer.

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North Korean officials were mum but one general whispered, "Look at the sixpack on the stud on the right."

Posted on 04/08/2013 at 05:27 AM in Current Affairs, Politics, SPINews, Travel | Permalink | Comments (2)

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04/02/2013

CNN Star's Joke Turns Tragic

spacer PORT AU PRINCE, Haiti (SPINews) -- Following an April Fool’s joke by CNN’s Anderson Cooper who declared yesterday he was quitting TV, joining the priesthood and opening an orphanage here, 13,000 Haitians tragically died at sea fleeing the country.

“I feel terrible,” Cooper humbly tells SPINews. “I didn’t realize I was so famous.”

The ubiquitous newsman sandwiched in covering the earthquake here among his steady diet of hurricanes, royal weddings and Mideast uprisings.

He promises to send their families autographed photos.

Posted on 04/02/2013 at 05:37 AM in Current Affairs, Religion, SPINews, Travel | Permalink | Comments (0)

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03/25/2013

Church: Two Dads OK

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VATICAN CITY (SPINews) -- In a blow to conservative Catholics around the world, the church has given an unofficial blessing to gay marriage.

"Who'da thunk it," one high-level Vatican official told SPINews. "Two Holy Fathers."

He added, “The time has come to acknowledge a family can have two dads.”

He bolted down the hall when asked about the prospect of two moms.

 

Posted on 03/25/2013 at 05:32 AM in Current Affairs, Religion, SPINews, Travel | Permalink | Comments (1)

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03/24/2013

President Ruttles Facebook Page

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President Ruttles
Feeling kinda blue this morning :(

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Like     Comment    No Comment    Share     Don't Share    Cher    Ma Cher       

Posted on 03/24/2013 at 06:09 AM in Current Affairs, Food and Drink, Travel | Permalink | Comments (1)

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03/21/2013

TV: The Devil You Know?

NEW YORK (SPINews) -- The History Channel's Sunday-schoolish miniseries “The Bible” is getting rapped in Twitter Nation and the mainstreem media, and on late-night talk shows for its version of the devil who looks strikingly like a certain U.S. president.

Right-wing nutball Glenn Beck gleefully kicked things off when he asked his flock if the network’s Beelzebub didn’t indeed look like “That Guy.”

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Network bigwigs scoff at any similarity and claim they hired “highly acclaimed” Moroccan actor Mehdi Ouazanni, seen above as both Satan and himself.

Gushes one exec to SPINews:  “We didn't even have to use any makeup!"  

He adds that given the uncanny looks, Ouazanni will play Obama in a new thriller "Sequester".  

Posted on 03/21/2013 at 06:23 AM in Current Affairs, History, Politics, Religion, SPINews, Travel | Permalink | Comments (1)

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03/13/2013

Vatican & New Pious-O-Meter

spacer VATICAN CITY (SPINews) -- Now that the cardinals are voting on a new pope, they are using their brand-new Pious-o-meter.

The 21-century computer picks up speech patterns, gestures and all-around vibes, and scores them on Sanctimony, Religiosity, Scholasticism, Monasticism, Married Priests, Women Priests,Taint of Scandal, Attention to Detail, Posture, Table Manners and Beatles vs. Stones.

The men in red do not campaign, and are under orders to avoid the press, but one told SPINews, “Bro, I didn’t leave my game in the locker room.” 

Does that mean he's predicting white smoke when his name comes up? "Watch the skies, man, watch the skies!"

Posted on 03/13/2013 at 06:27 AM in Current Affairs, Religion, SPINews, Travel | Permalink | Comments (0)

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