Not-quite-four years ago, I launched The Trephine, my fourth blog, with a now-deleted post reviewing a lot of painful backstory that connected old readers to my new life as a divorcee. The experience that followed has been incredibly rewarding. Some of the emails I’ve received as a result of this blog, in which strangers poured [...]

I’m getting married again.
You cannot think of one marriage without the other, or at least I can’t. I squint at other second-time brides, wondering if they’re experiencing the same duality, as if they’ve walked all the way around the world only to arrive in familiar territory as completely different people.
It’s hard for me [...]

In keeping with Rule 5 of my Do-Good Manifesto, “Do good out loud,” I want to tell you about a new effort I’ve been making toward moderation — toward walking that line between barreling onward in a life of privilege versus disconnecting from my social circumstances, changing my name to the Chinese symbol for “heart”, [...]

I am going to do my best here, but you should know that I find this subject nearly impossible to talk about, for reasons that should quickly become obvious.
Middle-class, intelligent people, especially women, live under enormous societal pressure to keep things light. First of all, we’re expected to prove that we aren’t any threat to [...]

After I saw it a few months ago, just floating there in the sky, everything started to change.
I spent almost the entire year before that in relative unhappiness. I had nuked my entire life flat and moved to California with a guy I had known for four weeks. I did this because I didn’t think [...]

I’ve written about divorce — oh, have I! — and a heartbreakingly common message I get in my inbox is something along the lines of, “You don’t know me, but my life is falling apart right now. Thanks for writing about your experiences and making me feel like someday I’m going to be okay.” And [...]

- BEGINNER -
CRITICIZE THE TIMING OF THE ARGUMENT
This clever ploy distracts your opponent by forcing them to focus on something they can do nothing about, instead of the problem they initially complained about.
The trusty standby is “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” or “Why am I just hearing about this now?” but feel free [...]

To celebrate my boyfriend’s birthday, I surprised him with boarding passes to a bedroom on a train. Once we had explored our little room and giggled and marveled, I made him wait in the coffin-sized bathroom while I unfurled an entire soiree from my suitcase. I strung white lanterns, draped fancy fabric over the seats, [...]

I kind of grew up in the hood. Sometimes people think I’m exaggerating when I say this, but it’s true. It wasn’t the worst neighborhood in town (that honor went to a place called, appropriately enough, The Bottoms), but some houses didn’t have, you know, front doors.

I always thought this was the creepiest house, [...]

If you like, see also: Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.
In dating, you’re considering candidates and choosing the best one you can. In job interviews, the exact same thing is happening. But only in the business world are the economics of this endeavor routinely considered.
There’s an anecdote about a [...]