We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘Senior Special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
“Sounds good,” my wife said, “but I don’t want the eggs.”
“Then I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,” the waitress warned her.
“You mean I’d have to pay more for not taking the eggs?” my wife asked incredulously.
“Yes,” said the waitress.
“I’ll take the special, then,” my wife said.
“How do you want your eggs?” the waitress asked.
“Raw and in the shell,” my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
Don’t mess with Seniors!
Doctor I don’t know what to do
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband’s temper.
The Doctor asks: “What’s the problem?”
The woman says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me.”
The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.”
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”
The Doctor says: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the two hours delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”
Simple and easy card solitaire to play with arrows
Whack a Beast
Whack A Beast flash free online. You must to whack the beast when they pop up out of their holes. You have 30 seconds to get 50 points before you get to the nest level.
Make sure don´t hit the Quiggle or Jubjub or you will lose 5 points.
Use the mouse to gide the mallet and the space bar to hit
The yellow beasts bring 3 points, the green ones 2 and the red 1 point.
Your objective is to get 50 points within 30 seconds.
Sudoku online free
Play Sudaku all day free online, the objective is to fill a 9×9 grid with digits so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3×3 sub-grids that compose the grid contains digits from 1 to 9. Each puzzle has a unique solution.
Hot And Cold
A blonde walked into the drug store to do some shopping. While walking around she kept noticing a shiny object behind the counter. When she went to pay, she asked the cashier, “What’s that shiny object behind the counter?”
The cashier told her, “That’s a thermos.”
The blonde asked her, “What does it do?”
The cashier told her, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”
The blonde thought that was incredible, so she bought it. The next day at work her boss, another blonde, came to her desk and asked her, “What’s that shiny object?”
The blonde worker told her, “It is a thermos.”
Intrigued, the boss asked what it did. The worker told her that it kept hot things hot and cold things cold. Her boss then asked her what she had in it.
“Well, right now I have a popcicle and coffee in it.”
911, Can You Help Me?
A blonde man frantically calls 911 and says, “Help, my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart!”
The 911 operator asks, “Is this her first child?”
To which the blonde replies, “Of course not you idiot, this is her husband!”