Brass Neck Shithousing

My name is Scarlett and I’m a shithouse.

Remember when I told you about my horrific first time snowboarding on the dry slope? Well my first time on an actual real mountain was much, much worse.

Let me paint a picture for you; there I am. Kitted out in Westbeach, my Oakleys on my head… the absolute picture of the adorable snowboarding bird.

We’re staying at one of those ski in-ski out resorts that basically mean you hit the snow as soon as you leave the door of the hotel. So, to clarify, I’m not even on a real slope yet… I’m on the “road” leading to the slope.

One my left there’s a snowmobile smoothing the run, on the right there’s a four metre drop into a brook. A drop I should have been absolutely nowhere fucking near had I not just taken a T6 and thought I was fucking Jamie Nicholls.

The next couple of minutes were a blur, but somewhere in there, all of my mates were at the start of the run and, somehow, I’m on my arse on the edge of a sheer drop… Blinking my way through the tears and on the verge of a full blown panic attack.

What I should have done was unclip and start again. That would have been brave.

What did I do? I unclipped and walked back up the slope to the hotel.

I know, you’re disappointed in me, aren’t you? Mate, so am I.

But maybe, sometimes, being brave is laughing at yourself, having a hot chocolate and promising yourself you’ll try again in an hour. Because I might be a shithouse, but I’m not a quitter.

My name is Scarlett and I’m a brass necked shithouse.

0 comments

Get the Grand National look

BY ZOEYAK Say what you like about Liverpool, nowhere else in the UK does style and glamour quite like the people of Merseyside. Yes, the city that introduced the country to curly blows, on point […]

What does your tattoo say about you?

BY ZOEYAK Nothing lets you know someone is prone to making bad life decisions better than a dodgy looking tattoo. My favourite people all have a bit of ink that was designed after one too […]

30 things all Scousers know to be true

By ZOE YAK 1. If your bin isn’t purple, you aren’t Scouse. Soz. 2. Speaking of purple; you know who Purple Aki is. 3. You strongly believe that The Races should be an official holiday […]

How to pretend that you’ve got your shit together

I wholeheartedly believe that the greatest lesson you will ever learn is that nobody your age has a clue what the fuck they’re doing, whatever age you are. We’re all just winging it, really. And […]

This is an intervention.

Listen, honey, I’m about to hit you with some tough love truth: If he wanted to speak to you, he would have text or called.  Yes, I know you like him and I know it […]