n+1 personals

n+1 INTERNAL DEBATE: SHOULD WE LET PEOPLE RESPOND TO MORE THAN ONE AD?

I kind of think that it’s okay to respond to more than one person. People want to spread their risk. And in the movies (“In Search of a Midnight Kiss”), they date more than one person because they are in thrall to the one true demon of the 21st century: choice.

Are we catholic about this and indulge human weakness or is protestantism the right answer, calling on everyone to stop that nonsense?

I GUESS PEOPLE OUTSIDE MIDDLE AMERICA ARE STILL READING TOM FRIEDMAN (and referring to him in the familiar?)

I’m a walking, talking collection of internal contradictions - loquacious but soft spoken, hard-boiled and soft-voiced, glibly cynical and earnestly romantic at the same time. I read everything from Dan Savage to Tom Friedman and most things in between. My politics are lefty, my attitude is a bit anti-authoritarian and I’m hoping to find a slightly cynical, sharp-tongued woman with whom I can share some shits and/or giggles. If you are the type more likely to be found leaning over a crossword puzzle than a bar rail, know the inner workings of your library and/or used bookstore and prefer art museums and coffee shops to trendy nightclubs, I hope you’ll respond. Princeton, New Jersey. 

JUST BITTORRENT THE PRUITT-IGOE MYTH BEFORE YOUR FIRST DATE?

New York based graduate student seeks late 20s, early 30s male mired in something esoteric and above my head (which shouldn’t be hard, I’m 5’2” and refuse to wear heels). I like tenements (as a historical concept), Houellebecq, and Corgis. Single-malt Scotch, kitchen-sink dramas, and Russian magical realism also pluses, as are men who won’t tease me for living on the Upper West Side.

Is it possible you also like these things and are somehow not dour? Despite my taste I’ve been called sunny? Maybe it’s the freckled nose? Tweed jacket wearers encouraged, full heads of hair even better.

BECAUSE ABBA IS NOT ENOUGH TO FILL THE HOLE IN HER SOUL

My New Year’s wish: to have my soul flow with an exuberant male spirit who yearns for a pretty, compassionate, creative, older (65) woman. Maine resident with a parachute poised to land almost anywhere. [from the new york review of books] 

THE 21 YEAR OLD INTERESTED IN CULTURAL EDIFICATION AND SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Twenty-one year old, Ivy-League-educated male Russian violinist. Thick, curly hair with some scruff. Will whisper Russian or French to you when you’re least expecting. Can be found wearing dark-brown corduroys, Brooks Brothers shirts and sleek, leather belts with loafers. Enjoys Brahms, Mendelssohn, Prokofieff, and other music you should be listening to but don’t. Contemplates the good life; conservative, formerly Catholic but presently with Catholic leanings. Incredibly passionate about music, but also in bed. Looking for a sultry, intelligent woman to unwind with. Must be interested to some capacity in art and willing to visit galleries, attend musical/theatrical performances and more generally take part in cultural edification and self-improvement. Contact if interested in being serenaded. Or coffee.

I guess you could call this the n+personals equivalent to the "Philharmonic letter" →

A little backstory, to this particular brand of post-date-spite-induced-ramblings-that-willingly-go-viral: Kelly Murphy, after posting an ad on n+personals, went on a rather unfortunate date with this young man, and then wrote about it for Brokelyn. After the article’s publication, we, being nothing if not magnanimous, reached out to the poor soul, wondering if he wanted to pen a response for this tumblr. He did, though—given editing restrictions—not for us.

We happily link to it now. Enjoy! 

SEEMS TO BE BURNING THE CANDLE AT BOTH ENDS, SINCE THIS SAME AD RAN IN THE LRB

Me: Late 20s male. Seeking companion. Living north of London: like all aspiring writers, would prefer Paris but have neither money nor mettle for relocation. Instead, I’ve sought the job security of teaching literature at secondary school. Less like Heathcliff, more Sancho Panza (sans girth).

VAGUELY MELANCHOLIC, WRITES POETRY

PhD candidate who writes poetry instead of her dissertation. Pink hair, piercings, and tasteful tattoos (Have you ever seen a tattoo of an audubon watercolor? That’s me). Writes on Keats and Shelley but reads german critical theory and poetry (Bachman and Celan). Vaguely melancholic, but easily amused by coffee and a nyrb. A new wave snob, but willing to be wrong. 

Just looking for my Louis Malle, I guess, whether that be male or female. 

VAPID AND PRETENTIOUS, WITH CHASERS

Caucasian early twentysomething, a recent transplant from Los Angeles, seeks a woman to not give a shit with. Appreciates heavy doses of sarcasm chased by scotch, red wine, or tap water. Eloquent shouting a must, elegantly draped clothing optional. Misses people he’s never met, but always careful to appreciate the ones he has. Shallow without being vapid, pretentious but with the utmost earnestness. 

CANR