Defending “Eat, Pray, Love” … Sort Of
“I used to have this APPETITE for my life. And now it’s just … gone.”
Few people in my life understand this as well as I personally do.
Reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir last fall after hearing so many bad things about it, I found that as much as I agreed with some critics on the book as a whole…I also understood exactly where Gilbert was coming from. Maybe I would not have made the same choices she did. Regardless, I know with every fibre of my being exactly how frustrated and disheartened Gilbert must have been when she said the above.
Last year (2009) as I was facing a crumbling marriage that was beyond saving, the disillusionment that comes from doing the very opposite of what one really wants to do with their life only to please others and for the first time, the true effects of a childhood full of abuse – I understood.
I used to be a wedding photographer. I was good at my job. There are times I very much enjoyed that job. I can look back now at some of the weddings I shot and smile because of the happy memories some of my images evoke and the pleasant thoughts of some of the amazing clients I was able to work with. However, that was always a job to me. Always. (This is when I want to apologize in advance to any former clients reading this and ask you to read this in its entirety before you judge me or fire off an email. I am not saying I am not grateful for the opportunities you gave me – because, I AM.)
You see, when I was a child, I dreamed of photography being a part of my one day career. I was always a photographer at heart. However, I never dreamed of being a wedding photographer. That happened by accident. From day one it was a job because I had to do it when I moved to a new state with my new (now ex) husband and found myself unable to find more traditional full time work. My hobby, turned into a job and I gave up my dreams for my spouse. It was never what I truly wanted to do. Being a traveling photographer, writer and aid worker – this is what I have always wanted to do with my life since my earliest ability to think on what adults do when they “grow up”.
Now, single – at 2 months shy of my 30th birthday: I am finally on the path to what I have always wanted to do. It’s true that I am still editing a few weddings that I shot late this year. I’m even booked to still shoot a few more in 2011. The few clients I have booked for next year, I have booked because I want to work with them; not because I have to.
For me, I will be pursuing travel photography and reporting with an emphasis on doing good – because it makes me happy. Because “I used to have this appetite for my life. And now it’s just gone.” and after a year of soul searching I know what will bring it back. It’s not leaving for a year long RTW that will end in love in Bali. I am not shallow enough to think that having a man in my life is the solution to everlasting happiness. I had a taste of that once, and it didn’t make me happy or fulfill my appetite for life. It was not enough then, it will never be enough on its own. Love is a wonderful thing that I see many people building a successful life around, but romantic love is not the only currency of joy. Seeing the world, pointing a spotlight with my photography and writing to the places on our planet that need more attention, expanding my world view by experiencing other cultures – this is what will, and has already begun to, bring back my appetite for life and happiness.
There are so many things that are just so right about this post. I’m so glad someone is being truthful about their feelings about the movie; taking the good and bad, rather than this black and white issue of you either LOVE IT or HATE HATE HATE it.
Remember, your job; all the weddings you’ve shot and will (Until 2011) are gifts; moments in time where a photograph captures that moment of true bliss. Don’t think of what might/could of happened before or after; or how your feelings have changed about it, but as a life pause to recollect.
Change is always good; especially when you’re craving something more; and I think it will be that much more rewarding. So amazingly proud of you and looking forward to watching your new dream grow!!!
This is a tremendous statement regarding a life that has had some beautiful moments along with more than its fair share of hard ones. I enjoyed reading it (almost as much as I enjoy riding along with you, watching your life). Incidentally, if you ever wish to go to Honduras to do some good while taking pictures and writing about it, I can hook you up with places to stay and good to do.
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… I just wanna give you a hug.
This was extremely sobering, truthful, direct, personal and warming to a degree. I feel terrible that you had to give up your “dream in life” originally, however I am so happy that you have another chance to do it, I am glad that you didn’t let the bad blow that life gave you be the finisher.
The fact that you are giving it another shot, with a fresh state of mind, it is inspirational.
I hope that the traveling and documenting is fruitful for you, I look forward to seeing the world “through your eyes”. I only dream that I could do it. If you ever want to come to Queensland, Australia and travel the coast, explore the Great Barrier Reef and the best beaches in the world, I’d be more than happy to show you the Aussie Way
Go get em!
wonderful post — wish you the best. Seek nothing but fun, smiles, and the unknown and you will have a good trip. I did.
Great post Kirsten! I think it’s great that you’re following what you’ve always wanted to do. It’s so important to be true to yourself in order to find happiness. Good luck with your journey and I hope you find everything you’re looking for.
Some never come to the realizations that you did because they continue to just be too busy doing what they have to do to get by. I wish you the best and look forward to posts as you embark on the true passion of your life!
I’m totally going on this journey with you babe! What a gorgeous post!!! Your 30′s are going to kick ass!
firstly. congrats. it’s been so thrilling to be surrounded by friends who just realize working for a paycheck (and a shitty relationship) is not the way to be happy. so, hooray to us girls for manning up and taking charge of our own careers! it’s exciting and frightening but hopefully, in the end, worth it.
secondly, does this mean you’re going to work or try to reach out to dog meets world? I think they’re a perfect organization for you to get involved with!
thirdly. I wish you all the best and I know how talented you are, I just hope the rest of the world realizes it soon.
fourth. I heart that photo collage! you didn’t get to see it, but I posted your photos you printed out for me on my bedroom door, so I have my own entrance
thanks!
Atta girl! It’s the philosophy that made people love the book in the first place, before people ripped the movie a new asshole. The truth is that stories like yours are inspiring! Keep doing what you love.
Such a beautiful post! Follow your heart and you can never go wrong.
Darn Ecuador internet, my connection dropped along with my comment!
Let me try again….
I wanted to thank you for being so honest with this post as I can totally relate. Seven months ago I started my own trip, had planned it before EPL but also could identify with it.
Through my travels I’ve met so many other women in their early 30s who realized they didn’t want the life they had and were trying to change it.
I’m so glad to hear that you’re on the path to changing yours.
It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Hi Kristen,
I had a bit of a love/hate relationship with Gilbert’s book. I saw the movie not that long ago, and was prepared not to like it. I was pleasantly surprised when I did. I found that the movie had more substance than the book.
A book I read this past summer when I was traveling was “Tales of a Female Nomad” by Rita Gelman. I loved this book because it chronicles her life living mostly as an expat in Bali (other places as well). Gelman was 48 when she started her amazing adventure. If you have the opportunity to read Rita’s book, I highly recommend it.
Good luck in your travels and your photography!
Just stumbled across your website at the suggestion of another stumbler and I absolutely love it! You have a new subscriber
Very honest and real…I appreciate that. And I know what you are saying about doing something as a job versus doing it because you love to. I’m so happy you could step back and evaluate and find what it is that makes you tick. All the best in your endeavors and I’ll keep following along, that’s for sure!
I’ll be keen to see how it all pans out and I could have some connections for you in the humanitarian aid world.
This is one of those posts that sticks with you. Honesty and soul searching at it’s finest. I hope you have found or are on your way to discovering that appetite, I’ve never lost it but then I don’t think I’ve ever quite reached it yet either.
Kirsten, Thank you for agreeing to do Marrisa and Brandon’s wedding next October….After reading your Eat,Pray,Love article I realize it’s no longer your career of choice! Good luck in your travels this year and we’ll see you in October….Love Patty
Wow, Kirsten. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet you, and now I look forward to what this coming year has to bring for you… via your blog (which I’ve been following since the day you first showed it to me). Thank you so much for sharing this with all your readers! I wish you the very best… Happy Travels!!!
Great post, it’s always great when you can find yourself, give up what you think you need to do in order to do what you want to do. Scary, sure at first, but you certainly won’t regret it in 5/10/20/30 years.
Perhaps I’ll be contacting you in a year or two to see if you’d be interested in traveling to Colombia, S.A. with us when we go down to shoot another video for the school I run a sponsor a child program with.
Happy traveling!
What a brave post! I am looking forward to seeing your gorgeous photography as you travel…
Bravo. I look forward to your adventurous future. Suerte.
stay adventurous, Craig
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I found this through your 7 Links post – so beautiful – hope you are LOVING your journey =)
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