This is the hardest post I've ever written. It's the post I never imagined, the thing I never dreamed would happen to me. But it has, and I've put off sharing it for as long as possible.

When I write about my daughters... their laughs, their favorite things... the words come easy, because they come from a place of love. It's fun and freeing and feels not at all like work.

This feels different. It comes from a place of emptiness, and I can only try my best to articulate what feels more unnatural than anything I've ever known. Shortly before Christmas, just a few weeks ago, Paul and I decided to end our marriage. It took me a while to say the words out loud because I didn't want to believe that they were true. I thought that if I gave it some time, it might all go away. We might go back to the way we once were.

But, people grow and people change. Sometimes forever is just for a long time.

As a mother, my respect for my children drives every decision I make, and because of this I will not share the who, what, and why of this difficult time. My marriage, even as it is ending, remains sacred to me. There are people in my life who might not understand that, but it's how I feel in my heart. I want to protect the memories of walking our dogs through Central Park, making each other laugh, finding out I was pregnant, becoming parents together, taking trips, and hugging each other after hard days at work or sleepless nights or just because. At times it is nearly impossible to keep this perspective, but I'm trying, because this love is so incredibly hard to relinquish. I am mourning the loss of growing old with my best friend. I will miss my husband forever.

Each moment I spend in this new stage of my life feels slightly less foreign than the last. But I'm painfully aware that the hardest, longest road is in many ways yet to come. Writing has always been therapeutic for me. But, this story, moving forward, is not one I can share. I need time, and my family needs time, to heal. So, I hope you'll understand when I tell you that this post is a goodbye from me to you, too. Maybe forever or just for a long time. I don't know. But I need to move on.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for the support you've given me, the thoughtful comments, the touching emails, the stories we've shared over these last four years. Your words have lifted my spirits and reminded me countless times to stay true to myself, trust my gut, and believe. Nobody goes through life unscathed, but my life is hardly one to feel sorry about, and I still feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have my daughters, my family, my dear friends, and my character. I'm walking forward with my head held high.

This blog has taught me that there are so many people in this world who just want to be happy, create, laugh, grow, learn, and give. Thank you so much for the time we have spent here together. I am a better person for having known you.

Just a little hello to start your Monday off on the right foot. I had kind of a tough weekend, and nothing lifts my spirits like seeing this little munchkin laugh or smile.


xo!

Last week, Joslyn coined the best quote of 2012. I believe her exact words were, "I would rather get a bikini wax than eat at a Chuck E. Cheese." What can I say? The girl speaks the truth.

"Call the crib, same number, same hood. It's all good" -Biggie

Hello! Oh, I bet your brow is furrowed right now, trying to figure out the connection between the title of this post and the striking similarity between my daughter and Notorious B.I.G. Well, here's what. Aside from Blake having a {very obvious} career as a hip-hop artist to look forward to, great photos are the cornerstone of a well-designed blog. So, with that in mind, my discussion on this topic at the Alt Design Summit consisted of me sharing the above image of Blake and her doppelgänger {hip-hoppelganger? doppelgangsta?}, and then BLASTING Biggie thru my laptop speakers while saying "Uh" periodically in that cocky, grunting sort of way.

WHAT.

1. Stay true to yourself.

2. If your blog has evolved into a mommy blog, stay true to your readers, too. {The Lil Bee has always been about my life and loves, so it feels only natural to hang onto the pop culture references, fashion, and occasional design posts that still interest me.}

3. Being a lifestyle blogger is not only OK, it's fantastic! Not everyone needs to fit neatly inside a Design or Fashion or Photography Blogger niche. Declare yourself a Lifestyle Blogger and LOVE. IT!

4. If you are a parent, blog about life, not just dirty diapers and teething tips. Your perspective on parenting is one part of your full and layered life that interests people.

5. Your blog is not Facebook. Your photos should be high quality, move the story forward, and keep the reader's attention.

6. The less posing, the less photo-editing, the better. People want honesty—crow's feet, laughter, light. My favorite photos are ones that make you feel like you walked into a room and spotted something beautiful, without anyone even hearing the camera click.

7. You don't need an expensive camera to take interesting photos. Instagram, as well as apps like Diptic, Photoshop, and Luminex are amazingly fun and easy to use.

8. Take your lead from photography blogs, like my friend Bentley's or Alt speaker Jasmine Star's, which tend to be wider {600px or more} and have clean, white backgrounds, so as not to detract from the images.

9. Everyone is busy. Save yourself some time by editing and uploading your photos once or twice a week, then writing your posts when you have a quiet moment {I like to blog on my phone while commuting or getting a pedi}.

10. Your blog is an extension of YOU, so treat it as you would a favorite outfit, heirloom, or drawing from your child.

♥

And since this blog is always a work in progress, I'd like to point out some of the blogs I turn to for inspiration, such as Rockstar Diaries, Freckle Wonder, NYC Taught Me, and Nat the Fat Rat. Hope you all got something out of this little rundown. Big thanks to Gabby for including me as a speaker. The jitters were totally worth it!

P.S. Did YOU attend Alt? Or do you have any pointers you'd like to share in the comments for fellow bloggers? Maybe you're not a blogger, but a reader with a point of view on what kinds of blogs you find most appealing? Thanks!

Thanks, Alt Summit, for an amazing four days! Hope to see you again in 2013.