Last year I gave myself the ultimate gift of what self love means for me – a ceremony of vows and agreements, a wedding if you will, to celebrate the love I have for me.

Prompted by a wedding I was photographing to witness new love, celebrating my own wedding anniversary of ten years and feeling a bit swirly in my own identity aside from being a wife and mother, I decided to commit to loving myself madly and deeply for the rest of this life by way of similar ceremony.

For me it was a way to honor my true self in the same way I honor those I also have commitments to in my life: namely my husband and my children.

So in November of 2011 I drove up the California coast to Cambria for a solo weekend to create and celebrate my own commitment ceremony to myself 

What I discovered with this ceremony, as with any ceremony, is that it became much more than words that were said. Planning out a ceremony of agreements to myself, much in the same way I did with the wedding to my husband, made it very real and powerful.

I feel these sacred commitments to myself deeply and I witness myself able to show up for my life in ways that I struggled with before. I knew afterward that there was no going back to old habits and negative ways of thinking.

The vows I made to myself are ones that I truly honor and ones I will celebrate each year on my anniversary which I plan to celebrate each year on the California coast.

When I shared with my sister circle that I was creating this self love ceremony of agreements, one sent me this David Whyte poem. I read it to the sea at my agreements ceremony and it pretty much sums up self love for me.

All the true vows 

All the true vows

are secret vows

the ones we speak out loud

are the ones we break.

There is only one life

you can call your own

and a thousand others

you can call by any name you want.

Hold to the truth you make

every day with your own body,

don't turn your face away.

Hold to your own truth

at the center of the image

you were born with.

Those who do not understand

their destiny will never understand

the friends they have made

nor the work they have chosen

nor the one life that waits

beyond all the others.

By the lake in the wood

in the shadows

you can

whisper that truth

to the quiet reflection

you see in the water.

Whatever you hear from

the water, remember,

it wants you to carry

the sound of its truth on your lips.

Remember,

in this place

no one can hear you

and out of the silence

you can make a promise

it will kill you to break,

that way you'll find

what is real and what is not.

I know what I am saying.

Time almost forsook me

and I looked again.

Seeing my reflection

I broke a promise

and spoke

for the first time

after all these years

in my own voice,

before it was too late

to turn my face again.

Wedding Guests

Where my ceremony took place - Moonstone Beach

Me after my ceremony, madly in love

Photo by Viv

The Self-Love of No 

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves is to say no to others. I find this excruciatingly hard, but I’m learning more and more of the short and long term benefits.

Saying no to a night of wine with friends so I can sleep off a cold. I love my friends and I gather such strength from being in their company, but last night my bed was beckoning and I can tell today that the time for myself was priceless in combatting this illness. Come to think of it, my friends are probably thankful I kept my germs to myself.

Saying no to an afternoon of work when my house was in desperate need of vacuuming and laundry doing. The cash is nice to have but with four kids, a dog and two cats the housework can quickly overtake me. Sacrificing the money for the peace of mind of a clean house was priceless.

When the calendar is full and we haven’t sat down together as a family in days, it’s nice to say no occasionally to school functions or extracurricular activities. The kids get to play, we eat together and play board games. Just being together is reward enough in knowing we made the right decision to forego the hectic schedule in favor of us time. 

I am not one who says no easily. I am often overscheduled and frequently double booked. Taking some time to think through what saying yes will mean has allowed me to say no with more confidence and it has made all the difference in my life.

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Amy Blum is the co-founder of Live it to the Full. She graduated with a BA in English from the University of Colorado at Denver, worked in magazine publishing with Colorado Homes and Lifestyles Magazine, has worked as a freelance writer and editor for nearly twenty years, wrote a series of articles on organic gardening for Examiner.com and has been blogging personally and professionally since 2005. 

She lives in Denver, Colorado with the love of her life and their blended family of four boy children (2 of hers & 2 of his) a wild-eyed Australian Sheppard and two Hemingway cats. Her hobbies include gardening, knitting, art journaling, long walks in and around her neighborhood, date nights, and entertaining friends and family.

When Viv asked me to contribute a segment on self-care, my mind floated away to the land of lofty ideas, like taking a vacation, going on a fancy dinner date, etc. The more I thought, the more I realized that self-care is really a daily act of self-love. It is present in everything we do and in everything we think. I believe that it is actually a mindset. We need love to survive, and with it, we not only survive, we thrive! If we make self-love and self-care a priority each and every day, we have the potential to feel our wholeness and give to both ourselves and others in meaningful, healthy, and nurturing ways.

Self-love is directly tied to self-care and the finding of happiness. I do want to point out that we shouldn't confuse the act of self-care with being selfish, as there is a distinct difference between the two. I believe that we as a people are evolving and have come a long way in our thinking about this, however, the notion that self-care is selfish still very much exists in our culture. How many times have women (especially caregivers) heard, “Who does she think she is?” or “She's so selfish putting her needs before her family.” etc. – sometimes we may even hear those words in our own head – socialization is a powerful thing. The distinct difference is that selfish behavior is something done at the expense of others and is hurtful to others. Self-love involves consideration of both the person herself and the people she loves – there is a balance there. Living a life is about giving to oneself and to others. If we don't give to ourselves, how else can we expect to grow and learn and feel whole? How else can we expect to give to others?

So, let's get happy! Here are a few things that I try to do in practicing the art of self-love and self-care. I'm actually excited about sharing these ideas with you, as they will make a great list for me to adhere to daily, especially on those days when I don't feel good or strong inside.

Do what you love and share it

When we are doing what we love, we are doing what we are meant to be doing here on this earth, and part of doing what we love should involve sharing it, to bring something positive and good to others. This kind of sharing can multiply exponentially and have far-reaching, positive outcomes that you are not even aware of. For me, I need to create something each and every day. If I don't, I start to feel 'off', antsy, and sometimes even depressed. I create in the form of photography, digital art, posting to my blog, writing, creating online Photoshop classes, gardening, cooking and baking, playing my flute, and making crafts. I enjoy sharing through outlets like my online Photoshop classes, authoring books, taking photographs for families, feeding my family, and teaching art classes through my children's school enrichment program.

Delight in simple indulgences

It's very important to pamper yourself – you know, Calgon baths, rich chocolate take-me-aways and all. For sure! So, what are your little pleasures? Here are some of mine:

chocolate stash, Jamaica Me Crazy coffee, tea made from my very own dried herbs, taking a different route home, The Nate Berkus Show (love his energy and the way he gives and interacts with people), cuddling with the family (including the cat), sitting in front of the woodstove watching the fire (during wintry months of course), listening to my playlists on Spotify, scented candles, sipping wine, enjoying the photography of Sarah Moon, and blog surfing – there are way too many blogs I adore to name here, but just to give you a taste:

Irene Suchocki

Kinfolk

Reading My Tea Leaves

Bluebirdbaby

Transform routines into something special

Day-in, day-out routines and chores are a part of everyday life, so why not turn them into something that you look forward to as opposed to something that you dislike or even dread. Here are a few things I do to get through the daily grind with a smile smeared across my face:

• Cleaning up after dinner has become a regular American Bandstand around here. For those of you who don't remember that show hosted by Dick Clark, let me fill you in. Dance like you are on your own little stage in the air!:) Sing, twirl, and git down while you all clear the table and wash them dishes.


• Cook and eat what you love! I especially enjoy making dishes with food that we have preserved from our garden's harvest – they are like golden tastes of summer during the sometimes harsh Maine winter. Here is a link to one of my latest culinary creations.


• Take a shower with your favorite bar of scented soap. I love Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap!


• Pick up a small treat for yourself while doing the regular grocery shop – perhaps gift yourself with some flowers. I am quite satisfied by a couple milk-chocolate Lindt balls which are conveniently available at the check-out.

Relax your body

What do you do to relax? It's important to incorporate a form(s) of relaxation into your daily life, for both the sake of your emotional state and your physical health. Here are a few things that I do:

• Hand-sew simple projects


• Take a walk – fortunately I have the Maine woods right outside my door, so this makes for invigorating, soul-soothing trips through the forest, as well as opportunities for nature and landscape photography.


• Massage. Either go get one, or have your partner give it to you (there are excellent books and online resources – Youtube is a great place to check out).


• Aromatherapy. It can be as simple as a scented candle or infused hot bath.

Get Healthy

Mind/ body/spirit connections are strong, and having a healthy body can foster both a healthy mind and spirit.