Scoutie Girl

Congruence. Alignment. Growth. Creating the life you want, creating a life that reflects your values.

These are some of the things we’ve been talking about at Scoutie Girl lately. It’s hard work. I know, because I’ve been doing it. Shifting the tectonic plates. Realigning my planets. It’s no easy feat — even just on the internal level.

I’ve been expanding, stretching, digging deep. Having epiphanies and getting my yoga on. Seeking wise mentors. Making some very satisfying creative work. I’ve been feeling wide open, expansive, bright, and vital.

I’ve also been reaching out for old habits and behaviors. Comfort food instead of green juice. Arguments instead of taking a deep breath. I’ve been experiencing emotional eruptions that surprise even myself.

I’ve been growing and changing and learning. I’ve also been shaking my fists and regressing.

I thought that these two states were counter to each other. Then I realized that they belong together. Counterbalance.

The messy stuff doesn’t negate the good stuff. The messy stuff is just a call for comfort.

Old habits and old ways of being — for better or for worse, they are known entities. They are soothing and familiar at a time when everything is fresh, new, exhilarating but unknown.

Growth isn’t all grace and epiphany. There’s a reason why caterpillars build themselves a cocoon before they change into butterflies.

Growth and change can be messy. Growth and change can demand comfort, privacy, and protection.

My mind and my body are looking out for me (yours, too!). They are looking for ways to provide that comfort and release, be it tater tots, a good cry, or sleeping in late. They are reaching for things I know — even if they’re not what I want right now.

I’m committing to consciously providing myself healthy comfort. To look for ways to support myself ahead of time as well as in the moment. And to be forgiving of whatever messy stuff does come up — to observe it without judgement.

What might little bits of comfort look like? I’ll be seeking out things that make me laugh. Making dates with blankets and tea. Seeking more time on the yoga mat. Creating rituals of leisure. Turning off my computer and hiding my phone. Going to bed early and in my favorite jammies.

Are you going through a period of growth and change, too? Are you working to create the life you want — both inside and out?

It’s okay to give yourself space to honor this growth and change and acknowledge how momentous it is.

It’s okay to rest and comfort yourself, consciously, in ways that feel congruent with the great work you are doing.

xoxo Maeg

About the Author

Maeg Yosef is an artist, illustrator, and writer living in the Happy Valley of Western MA with her husband, stepdaughter, and son. You can find her writing about art-making, kid-raising, and creative living on her blog,
Edison Rex, and see her artwork here. When she’s not working to inspire you through her writing or bring you joy by putting art on your walls, you’ll probably find her up way too early, drinking way too much green tea, and attempting a wild new yoga position. Or maybe just on Twitter or Facebook.

This is a guest post from Monica McCarthy.

love nerd card by TheWallaroo - click for info

I have to admit, when Tara asked me if I’d be interested in writing a guest post about The Five Love Languages I was a bit confused. I’m not a relationship coach. I’m not even married. What insights could I possibly offer on the subject?

But Tara recalled how emphatic I was on the topic during a girl’s night out and admittedly found the topic intriguing.

For those of you who have no idea was I’m talking about, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a book that summarizes “the primary ways of expressing and interpreting love.”

The Five Love Languages Are:

• Verbal Affirmation
• Physical Touch
• Quality Time
• Acts of Service
• Gift Giving

Note: You can read more about the languages and take a “self-assessment” test here.

As I sat down to write this post, it hit me: The Love Languages can apply to any relationship, whether romantic or platonic in nature.

The main takeaways from the theory are:

1) We want to receive love the way we give love

2) Not everyone wants the same things.

A side note: The only modification I’d make to the Love Languages-apply-to-any-relationship statement is with Physical Touch. Of course there are completely platonic ways of showing physical closeness, but I’d like to add that in platonic relationships, physical touch could also be defined as physical presence. For example, speaking with someone face to face instead of on the telephone. But that’s just my two cents on that one.

And now for the good stuff…

What you want is what you give.

This is what stuck out to me most from the book: How you give love is how you want to receive love.

If you get the warm fuzzies when you tell your partner, “Wow, that mustache works for you,” chances are you’re hoping he’ll express his love in return with something like, “You look hot in that little black dress.” (Verbal Affirmation)

And if you want to show your roommate you care by doing the dishes, chances are you’re hoping she’ll express her gratitude by scrubbing the shower clean. (Acts of Service)

It all sounds even-Steven doesn’t it?

Except….

Most people are drawn to people who don’t have the same language.

What the what?! Are we all masochists? Gluttons for punishment?

Nope. We’re just human.

Sometimes these differences in communication are due to gender specific tendencies (women tend to crave more verbal affirmation than men, for example), sometimes it’s a matter of opposites attracting, and sometimes it’s the idea of the good old fashioned chase. Again, any of these options can be applied to relationships beyond the romantic.

Chapman goes so far as to claim that not understanding one another’s love language is the root cause for almost all divorces. As previously mentioned, I’m no relationship expert and I’ve never been married, so I don’t know if this is true.

But I do know that being aware of the other person’s language helps ease the question of, Why don’t they understand what I want? When we know how the other person likes to receive love, it’s much easier to give it to them.

This need to be understood is so strong that some could argue the case for a Sixth Language.

My best friend has a theory that there’s another Love Language: Paying Attention.

The idea behind the language of Paying Attention is that you know someone so well that you know what he/she wants without having to be told.

I’m not sure if this occurs only after we’ve spent so much time with a person that we don’t have to guess their preferences, or if this is purely based on intuition, but it’s interesting nonetheless.

Why should anyone care?

Like I wrote in my Philosophy Statement, what humans desire most is to matter.

We all want to be heard, understood, and appreciated.

By being more aware of how we want to be loved (you can substitute “love” for words like “respected,” “admired,” “treated”), we can better express our needs to others.

And by desiring to know the love languages of others, we can take the first steps toward understanding what they need from us.

The people in your life want to matter whether they are your boss or your clients, your best friend or your lover, your parent or your child.

So show them a little love.

I guarantee you’ll receive a whole lot back in return.

* * * * *

Monica McCarthy is the founder of SHOW & TELL, an online home with the purpose of inspiring people to find and share their own story. A former Broadway, television, and film actress, Monica is also an on-stage and on-camera public speaking coach specializing in helping bloggers and entrepreneurs create engaging video content and stellar keynote speeches. Based in New York City, Monica has led a series of successful Get Unstuck workshops for creatives, entrepreneurs, and artists. She is currently writing the chapters of her own story by traveling (next stop: a one-way ticket to Thailand), writing, running, and meeting incredible people along the way. Follow Monica on Twitter and Facebook to learn more.

About the Author

Carrie is Scoutie Girl’s advertising manager & assistant editor. She owns a graphic design & ebook editing biz and also runs a nifty crochet pattern shop for discriminating ladies, likeclochework.

The week before last I began the annual slog through receipts and invoices and interest income statements, organising and spread-sheeting and preparing for our annual visit with the accountant. This week also happens to be the annual event where I berate myself for not having kept up with logging the receipts and the income, and the mileage. The week that I promise myself that THIS year it will be different.

And yet. It never is.

Each January/February I participate in this week of regrets and recrimination for how I’ve handled (or not handled) preparing my tax papers, and each year I promise myself that I will do a better job of keeping up. I will stay on task. Each first of the month I will be sitting right here recording all my monetary deeds. And I do. Until about March or sometimes I stretch it into April. And then it just stops. And I don’t think about it until sometime in October, with a grimace, but I rarely ever sit down to catch up.

Perhaps I can attribute it to nicer weather in spring. Perhaps I am busier in April than in the more wintery months. And perhaps whatever free moments I possess I just don’t want to spend sorting receipts between what is a write off and what is a household expense.

So this year, as I sat down to sort receipts from the last 9 months and that voice in my head started in with, If you had done this each month it would be so much easier to take care of now, I decided that’s it. I need to re-work my approach to the whole tax organising job. Clearly, I am not going to take care of logging all the stuff I need to do for my taxes every first of the month because I’ve been not doing it quite successfully for quite a few years now, no matter how much or how loudly I scold myself.

So I asked myself: how can I re-frame this, leave out the guilt and recriminations I hand myself every year, and just get the job done?

My solution: Schedule a week in late January to pull all my papers and financial info together. Make the appointment with my accountant to keep myself on task, and there, voilà, it’s done.

So of course, I got thinking about how many other areas of my life this approach could work on:

• What are the places and situations in my life that I consistently don’t come through in a way I’ve decided I should do?
• What are the tasks that I consistently avoid until it’s deadline time?
• Where and when am I berating myself when there might be a less painful and easy solution?

I came up with my list, and it’s actually not too long, and I’ve also come up with solutions for just about all of the scenarios. Now get this: in all these situations, I am just re-working what I need to do around how I am already doing it. No re-teaching myself new behaviour that I will potentially resist. No setting rules for myself that I won’t follow. No telling myself I have to do it this way, because so-and-so or such-and-such said it works best that way.

My best solution is to do it the way I always have and build in some checks to keep me on task. That’s it.

My tax spreadsheets are almost done, and I have to say I feel lighter, and happier, and am looking forward to finishing up the tax stuff and feeling that sense of accomplishment. And, the process has gone much more smoothly without me berating myself the whole way through. In fact, it’s taken about half the time it usually does.

So what are some of the tasks in your life that you might avoid and then repeatedly get down on yourself for? And, how can you reverse the trend, get the tasks done in a way that makes sense to you AND not be irritated at yourself?

About the Author

image c/o John Tibbot. Click on image for more details.

Are Monday mornings difficult for you?

I get it. I’ve been there. But the good thing about the first day of the week is that you have a choice.

You can either look at Monday as the toughest day of the week OR you can make it the most productive day of the week. That choice is yours to make. It might not be an easy decision (procrastination is far easier of course), but it’s your call.

And just as you have that choice to make for yourself at the start of every week, you also have another choice…

And perhaps, this one is far more important than the first. Here it is:

You can choose to turn your words, your plans, into actions or just leave those words flailing in the wind.

Well, duh. You’ve heard that before, right? Actions speak louder than words. Of course you’ve heard it. We’ve all heard that.

But are you living that mantra right now?

Take a minute to think about it. Really think about that question and answer it in your mind.

If your answer is “yes,” pat yourself on the back and keep on moving in that direction. Nothing more to read here. But if your answer is “no” or “kind of,” it is time to get off your booty and make a change.

Talk is cheap. So it’s time to step up and actually do what you’ve been talking about doing for months. Consider this your wake up call. Your friendly reminder. Your gentle, or not so gentle, nudge into greatness.

If you don’t start now – as in right now, this very day – when will you?

Step into action now.

Let the comments section be your accountability buddy today. Tell me below how you will take action this week and turn those words into something more.

About the Author

Brittni Mehlhoff is the editor of the handmade blog, papernstitch, and is also the owner and creator of an exhibition site by the same name. If you are a creative entrepreneur, small business owner, or a blogger, join the growing community of 7,000+ Stitchers and sign up for Brittni’s free weekly biz tips + handmade picks.

Words.

Funny things, words. I mean, what are they? A few or more letters flowing together across a page. Sounds spilling from lips and floating through the air.

For all their weightlessness, words can feel awfully heavy.

Every word has the capacity to leave its indelible mark on someone’s heart. Say something kind and watch someone’s entire countenance change. Read the comments from any given Scoutie Girl post and you can witness amazing growth wrapped up in a few short lines. And, sadly, I think we’ve all had that instant where one harsh word undid the work of a thousand sweet syllables.

The internet is especially dangerous where that last scenario is concerned. Too often we forget there are actual people behind those handmade products, blog posts, photos, and, yes, even less-than-complimentary feedback.

As crafters, we use our tools to create, and the things we craft with our words can be uplifting or they can be very, very heavy.

The adage bears repeating: words can hurt.

They can even scar. A mean-spirited comment from a stranger can cut; from a loved one, it can crush; but coming from oneself, harsh words can be a slow poison. I am guilty of condemning my dreams to creeping death – I suspect most artists are.

Original art by Valentina Ramos. Click on the image for more details.

Right now something particularly big is looming on the horizon so I punish myself even more than usual.  All I can think about are past put downs, failures, and shortcomings, real or imagined.  And no one can find the words to make me feel better. Maybe not any one, but many…so, a few years ago, I gathered the words of many and put them where I could always find them.

A personal blog post. Click on the image for more information

I made a list of wonderful things people had said to me and I posted them to my personal blog. (If you decide to click on the image and follow the link be warned: my personal blog has had its ups and downs.) Now I have more than a dozen kind thoughts to combat each negative one. It is pretty potent stuff because it is so very personal, but I also keep a running tab of inspiration on Pinterest.

from lovelyfighter.tumblr.com/ via Pinterest. Click image fordetails.

Now I have a huge database of words at my disposal to help me prepare for many ventures in business and in life. I’ll be honest, though – I’m not sure how much good it will do me for that next big thing in my life.

Recently I got a call from overseas, “Baby, I’m coming home.” And for that, there are no words.

About the Author

Janice Bear designs unique garters (for offbeat brides, burlesque, Tuesdays…) because she believes everything you wear should be a reflection of you – right down to your underpinnings. To learn more about what she does and why she does it, please visit her blog.

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