Earlier this week I attended an event called Foodportunity (don’t read that as Foodporntunity as I originally did), a networking party for Seattle-area food journalists and restauranteurs. I had an enjoyable time mingling and chatting, but let’s get real. I was there for the food. Washington restaurants, farms, and local markets were catering the event and handing out generous samples. Clearly I could not pass up the chance to stuff my face with a bunch of snacks I wouldn’t ordinarily get to try.

As we’ve already covered here on ES, I love unusual hot dogs. So you can imagine my excitement when I saw what James Beard Award-winning chef Tom Douglas was offering: Octopus chorizo & pork belly hot dogs with pickled fennel and lemon aioli!

How were they? Do you even have to ask? They were spicy, sweet, and slightly oily. The buns were soft and buttery (ugh, I feel like I am writing about actual food porn now). That doesn’t come as a surprise since Tom Douglas is known to have some of the best baked goods in the city, at Dahlia Bakery and all his other restaurants. Would I have guessed the meat was made from octopus? And how do you make octopus into chorizo? I don’t know the answer to these questions, I just know this was one of the best damn dogs I’ve ever put in my mouth.

A few weekends ago I found myself ordering clam chowder and two beers at 10pm. I was pretty hungry, having not eaten lunch, so I tore into the packet of oyster crackers and ate one as my chowder cooled. I turned to my friend and asked, “are these supposed to taste like this?”

She replied, “chalk? Yeah. That’s normal.”

I didn’t give it much thought past that. I used to eat oyster crackers for a snack as a kid and I loved them. I think it was just because my dad would bring them home as leftovers from lunch and tell me he “brought me a present.” Many years later, it seemed my friend was right: oyster crackers all taste like chalk.

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Editor’s Note: A Chinese teacher/translator and writer living in Washington, D.C., Jody Melto of Curlicue Chronicles joins us for a tasty trek through China…

At first glance, I didn’t want to like Feeding the Dragon, the recently published travelogue/cookbook on China. First of all, there are the names of the co-authors, sister and brother duo Mary Kate and Nate Tate. But that’s not their fault.

However, young Mary Kate Tate asking in the introduction, “How can we record each person’s story, taste every dish? Have we bitten off more than we can chew?” is quite their fault. It reeks of a Julie & Julia attempt. I bet The Two Tates have talked about just playing themselves when the cookbook is optioned. Now I’m just being snarky. I did that with Julie & Julia, come to think about it.

At least my snark has backstory. I spent the first part of my 20s living in a small Chinese town as a student on scholarship, working as a teacher, model and even as an actress in some really bad television shows and one martial arts film to earn enough money to travel over 250 hard-seat hours by train throughout China. No credit card. No cell phone. No parents footing the bill. Pretty hardcore travel. Who can blame me for being snarky when it comes to a couple young hipsters who claim to have roughed it through China on a quest to “taste every dish?”

Just when I’m feeling quite smug, Mary Kate & Nate Tate (I just love saying that) do something that impresses the hell out of me — they admit to eating dog. They weren’t ballsy enough to include a recipe calling for dog meat. But I give credit when it’s due. And that took balls. I’ve killed the mood at more than one dinner party after raving about doggie dumplings. (Dog people can be so freakin’ sensitive.)

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One of the small pleasures of being a stay-at-home mom is that I rarely have to use a travel coffee cup.  Sure, I may have to reheat my coffee three times before I make it to the bottom of the mug, and I have a tendency to set my coffee down randomly only to stumble upon it days later, but at least I avoid that perilous first sip from the tiny hole when you just know you are about to burn your lip.

My husband, of course, is not so fortunate, so when I received a sample KeepCup — “the first barista standard reusable cup” — I passed it on over to him for a trial run.  His overall assessment was that it wasn’t too bad, although the color scheme made him feel like he was drinking from a sippy cup.

In both of our opinions, however, the greatest thing about the KeepCup is the rubber band/bracelet thingy that came with it.  Actually, it came with two of them, in case you and your S.O. don’t like the same kind of coffee, but are too cheap to buy separate cups.

I think the idea of this rubber band is that you take the world’s finest tipped Sharpie, and darken in your coffee preference.  Then, you just hand the cup to the cashier and avoid that annoying moment of social interaction wherein you actually tell the barista what you would like to order.

I do have a few questions about this band, though.

1. What the heck is doppio?  Is it the marijuana brownie of coffee?

2.  What is flat white supposed to mean?  It sounds insulting.

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You want sandwiches? We got sandwiches. Last year, Endless Simmer’s post on America’s Top 10 New Sandwiches was our most-read story of 2011, and even helped turn The New Luther into a bit of a sell-out phenomenon. But America’s sandwich artisans haven’t stopped innovating, and we haven’t stopped salivating. So here we go, for your drooling-at-work pleasure, this year’s list of America’s top 10 craziest, loveliest, cheesiest, most creative new sandwiches.

10. The Noble Pig —  Noble Pig Sandwiches, Austin

Texas may be best known for its beef, but perhaps not for long, if chefs John Bates and Brandon Martinez have anything to say about it. Their year-and-a-half-old Noble Pig serves up a namesake sandwich that somehow combines everything that is beautiful about pork products on one truly outstanding sandwich. Tender pulled pork, spicy slivers of ham, and crispy bits of bacon are all mixed together, topped with provolone cheese, and served on toasted, house-baked bread, for a porky trifecta that hits all of the spots. (Photo: Marshall Wright)

9. Pane et Panelle — Bar Stuzzichini, New York

Chickpeas may get typecast as functioning only in falafel form, but it turns out balls aren’t all they can do. Panelle is actually an old Sicilian street food snack—chickpeas and flour formed into light, airy strips and fried in olive oil. Stuzzichini‘s sandwich revives that classic and perfects it, layering crispy strips of panelle on a sesame-studded bun, in between levels of soft ricotta and caciocavallo cheeses. The result is a light-but-addictive sandwich that will make you curse every overly dense falafel wrap that has crossed your lips.

8. Chicherrones Banh Mi — Ink Sack, Los Angeles

There are a million banh mis in American nowadays, but we were most swept away by this version from Top Chef champ Michael Voltaggio. At his new Ink Sack sandwich shop, tender slices of pork belly and pork butt are topped with pickled vegetables, plus the kicker — crispy chicharróne fried pork rinds, creating one incredible multi-culti pork bomb.

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I like doughnuts. I like them better than cupcakes and most other desserts, because doughnuts are fried and have that savory bit about them. They’re one of the sweets I can eat a lot of, and I do when I go to the doughnut shop at 8pm and the guy gives me 6 extra for free. Chocolate iced? Forget it. They’re my dessert kryptonite.

So when Krispy Kreme contacted ES and asked if one of us wanted to go to their first-ever Blogger Summit, I jumped on it. To be honest, I was really reserved at first. I’ve never been a Krispy Kreme fanatic, and I felt like I was walking into the McDonald’s of the dessert world — could these doughnuts really compare to my beloved local doughnut shop? Did it matter? Could I like them knowing they’re mass produced from a mix? I knew I wouldn’t see anyone making batter by hand, but I tried to keep an open mind as I departed for the Krispy Kreme Factory Tour  in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Turns out there weren’t any oompa-loompas. Mostly, it was just a big factory with a lot of pallets of ingredients and bags of mix that they produce to send out to the stores. I think I saw shelf stable egg yolk. I’m not sure. Much of the tour resembled my college chem lab rather than any food-serving establishment. We weren’t allowed to take pictures in many parts of the factory…to preserve integrity, and I guess also for liability purposes. Nobody needs pictures of me falling into the glaze river.

The theme of the tour was consistency; every doughnut needs to taste exactly the same. In the lab, they test every batch of dry mix that goes out. After a few hours at the factory, I was feeling discouraged and over the whole “factory farmed doughnut” thing. But then I ate a doughnut fresh off the line. It was still warm with glaze, and I decided that maybe I’d give this company a chance.

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Let the record show that in February 2012, the foodie revolution officially went too far.

Now, I can do a pickle-tini. I can do a grilled pickle.

Pickled watermelon? Pickled ramps? Pickles on the Christmas tree? Yes, yes, and hell yes. But pickles in my coffee? For seriousness? I’ve checked and checked, but it seems this is not some sort of pop-up April Fools’ Day joke. Metrocurean reports from DC:

Peregrine Espresso is pushing the sour envelope with a specialty drink now on offer, dubbed Love Potion Number Brine (above). Joining forces with new DC-based pickle company Gordy’s Pickle Jar, Peregrine created a drink that mixes Gordy’s sweet brine with espresso, milk and a little simple syrup on ice.

If they start serving this with a side of nutella pickle relish, I am retiring.

More from Metrocurean.