I’ve been hurting for nearly a year now. I had this friend. This pretty much a best friend that I saw nearly daily but at least weekly. We had kids that played together. We have expensive shopping taste. We shared everything.
Just being around her made me happier. She was the rock and that person outside of a spouse that I could lean on.
Then something. Well actually nothing happened. We got busy with different schools, extra activities, kids, family, holidays, work, life.
And months would go by. She never called. I never called. Emails disappeared. Facebook updates were ignored.
And then we would randomly meet in passing and I would rush to hug and I ached when I saw her because I missed her but wondered if maybe the drifting was my fault and I felt helpless. And lonely. These insecurities could not be normal for a grown woman.
It’s hard finding mom friends that you really connect with, you know. Mom friends that are real friends and not just friends of convenience because our kids played together.
This was real.
But the longer we went without talking the harder it got to reach for the phone to just say hi.
So I didn’t. Ever.
And I would have days where I cried and ached for her time. I wanted to see our six kids running around together again.
*****
I woke-up this morning thinking about her and thinking for the 200th time that I should just call. But I didn’t.
What I did do was go to the Anthropologie down the block. Because somehow I felt her and knew that just maybe she would be there by chance at 10:15 on a Monday morning.
She wasn’t. So I lingered longer than Astrid liked. I tried on a pile of clothes. I let Astrid climb up and down on and off a bench 435 times.
Nothing.
So I brought my purchases to the counter and heard the bells of the door open.
And she walked in.
I shit you not. Today at 11:00am.
First I thought that I should get paid for my psychic powers.
Then I hugged her and told her that her ass looked awesome in her new jeans…just like I would say a year ago. Or like yesterday. We hugged. Our two year olds ignored each other.
We both made “busy busy” excuses.
And we said good-bye.
And I miss her already.
******
Written as a prompt to ‘explore friendship’ from Write On Edge.
Oh sweetie. I know how it feels. It’s so hard to make new friends, and even harder to hang onto the old ones. I hope you do reconnect with her again. Even if it has to be at Anthropologie. xo
Beautifully heartfelt, Tracey.
{I get so much of this. I’m glad that you hugged her.}
And yes, you so should get paid for your psychic powers.
xo
Honestly this kind of stuff happens to me a lot. It’s starting to get scary.
Thats one of the hardest things about being a mom…connecting with other moms in a way that is real. Crazy how coincidental it was that she showed up at the same time you were there. It’s a sign that you two need to make time to get together. Hugs! I know how hard it is!
I know – it’s so hard to make friends as adults with our busy lives and different interests. ..but I find when I do see my girlfriends I have such an amazing time and realize how much I truly need them.
You should mail her this post.
xo
So I just did. Thank you for the gentle push my friend. xo
are we going to get the update then too? Good pushing Alexandra!
I’m sorry…I hope you’ll be able to reconnect again. It’s hard when a friendship feels just out of your grasp.
Even with close friendships, when you don’t talk to each other on a regular basis, it’s easy to lose some common ground. And the longer you go without communication, the more difficult it gets to reconnect.
I really hope you two can rebuild your friendship again…
This is all so true about any relationship. I need to do more. Truly.
If you ever got too busy for me I would hunt you down and hug your face off. Just so you know.
I love you..
xoxo
Okay so I kind of want my face hugged off…
I’m w/Alexandra. Send her this. It says everything. Everything. And oh, that feeling you had when you heard the bells and turned…that stomach feeling I can’t really describe…I know it well.
Does she like wine as much as you? If so, invite her over for a glass (or 3). I’m sure you’ll reconnect again that way…
I can relate. Why do we women do these things? Guys would be like “wanna go grab a beer” and all would be cool… geez.
Such a true statement about our differences…and yes she likes red wine and coffee. We were truly meant for each other.
This is beautiful & I can so relate to the nothing & everything that gets in the way of keeping meaningful friendships. In this uber busy season of life it does take a LOT of effort to keep friendships that are more than those of mere convenience. It requires being intentional & that some days (honestly) takes more energy than I have, but it is worth it none the less! But one thing that I love about true friends is that no matter a week, a month, or 6 months, it is easy to pick right back up where you left off! Blessings on you & your friend!
Usually the friends I let drift, I let drift on purpose. Those few and far between that are so easy to be around, I hang on to. Unless, of course, someone moves.
So I guess it’s somewhere between kindred spirits and convenience.
This has been on my mind all day. Sometimes I wonder if it’s intentional. Thank you.ox
Just don’t give up- keep calling. Sometimes it feels like you’re the one putting in all of the effort- just like any relationship. It has hills and valleys. I have hope for you and your friend!
How in the world can she let YOU slip away? Even after you talked about her cute butt?
I can feel you missing her through this whole piece, so thank you for writing it so beautifully, but I’m sorry you and your friend have slipped apart.
You’re right; it’s so hard to find friends at our age who we have more in common with than just the bond of our kids playing together!
Aww, you are sweet…and her butt is cute. It’s so hard to make friends now. Being an introvert(yes, I am) makes it harder.
Funny how life works like that sometimes…
I miss a lot of girlfriends. In fact my two best friends do not live down the street from me..we work in different states and try so hard to see each other at least every 2 months. I hate being far away from them but I also know our hearts are joined in a way that reaches beyond those way too spaced out meetings. Thank god for texting and skype and phone calls where we giggle our asses off.
Reach out to her…more! This post just goes to show how much she means to you, how much just havingher in your life makes it better and you don’t let people like that go.
Xo
I think you should send her this too. I have a friend, best friend, who was my maid of honor who I have not spoken to since we lost Hadley. I think about her constantly and always hope we will cross paths somehow but we never do.
And you have an Anthropologie down the street???
Oh this breaks my heart for you.
..and yes – nine blocks down the street. It’s my church really.
This was SO good. Wow. SO good. I can’t believe she was there! How crazy is that? I think this was fantastic and agree, share this with her. She needs to know how awesome she is and how you miss her. I think, anyway. What do I know? At least you *parted* on good terms. I have lost friends in worse ways. One I am back on good terms with and have hopes we’re headed 100% back to where we belong, others I never see or speak to anymore, and I just sort of say, OK. It depends on where things are at and this turned into a confessional comment – sorry! It’s just THAT well written!
You’re a great writer, Tracy! You made me laugh and my heart ache all in one post. With every post, I feel you are just the type of friend anyone would be blessed to have – call her.
I really felt connected to this post! It’s so easy for me to lose track of people…and then I feel awkward trying to reconnect. I envy people who can maintain all those complex connections!
I envy them too. I think I have poor time management skills. lol
Don’t let her go this time.
m.
I’m with Empress – you should send her this.
I think we’ve all felt this at one time or another. I’m glad you ran into her!
Yep.
Exactly.
It’s kind of amazing I have any friends at all.
You should call her. Just do it.
and??? you WILL call her this time, yes? you must. you just must.
My heart ached through this entire post. I am so familiar with this feeling of losing a friend and letting life get in the way. Share this post with her. And then update the rest of us on how things go from there.
This is truly beautifully written.
I LOVE Anthropologie! Let me look down. Nope, not wearing any A today. Bummer. Anyway, what a super place to have a gal pal reunion:)
I would LOVE to have a gal pal to shop with, especially at Anthropologie. But that drifting thing happened to me too. And well, it’s a hard. Making super tight friends when you’re not a spring chicken anymore.
I absolutely love this! I have drifted a part from a dear friend who lives a few blocks away. She and I used to work together before kids and did everything together. Now we hardly speak. I have girls, she has a boy. Schedules are off, busy, busy, blah, blah. But I miss her. Gonna call her today. Or just go hang out at Anthropogie. I bet she’d walk in.
Tracy,
Great writing. Really captivating, and well done.
I’ve always been kind of an odd ball in the fact that I have liked I a lot of a alone time, but with my first child, and before blogging, I saw a couple of girlfriends a lot during the week. Now with the second child, it can go longer in between visits.
I had a good friend and I drift for the same reasons you stated, and her son starting playing with kids from his preschool. I was sad, but then I realized this wasn’t about my son, and I made an effort to get together outside of our kids, and it worked. Our second pregancies were at the same time so now we see each other more now because of the little ones, but next year it will be the same thing as before, tw