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- © Sasha Wolff
- Why Your Ideal Career Is Hiding From You
- Posted on January 18, 2011 by Jennifer Gresham
In college, it seemed normal to be lost.
I had a handle on the obvious: financial security, a little adventure, and eventually a stable, happy home life. But my career? That was anyone’s guess.
Apparently it was also anyone’s choice. I went with the flow, took the jobs that were offered, even attended graduate school. I made the best of it and was successful by all the usual standards.
I told people I worked so I could fund my vacations. After a while, it felt like it.
By the time I decided my life needed an overhaul, I was a wise 37. I had financial security, the annual adventure, and a wonderfully stable home life. But something was missing.
All those years of work experience and trying out different jobs hadn’t helped. I still had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do when I “grew up.” It was a complete blank.
So I spent six intense months taking personality tests, working through exercises in the book The Pathfinder, and talking to anyone who would listen. I finally figured it out.
It was a relief … and also a huge surprise.
It turns out the biggest mystery was that my ideal career had been staring me in the face all along, I just couldn’t see it. And to understand why we’re going to have look in an unusual place.
The octopus and the ideal career
A couple of weeks ago I attended a scientific conference on natural materials. There were all sorts of cool talks on everything from glowing sea worms to radiation resistant bacteria and how to make artificial spider silk. But when researcher Roger Hanlon showed this video about his encounter with an octopus, I nearly got out of my chair.
I finally understood why I’d had such a difficult time piecing together what I wanted to do with my life. And it’s probably the same reason you are too.
Did you catch it?
When we think about defense mechanisms in the octopus, most of us probably think about its ink. The problem with ink is that by the time the animal is using it, it’s already been discovered. It’s far safer never to be seen at all.
Turns out your deepest dreams and desires feel the same way.
One of the scientists at the meeting (now about to retire) confided he’d always wanted to be a photographer. His father had begged him to show some sense. How many of us could tell the same story?
We pushed those fantasies down until they didn’t dare come back up. We ignored them and called them mean names like “impractical” or “stupid.” Our teachers and parents rolled their eyes, or stared at us like we’d just divulged a cancer diagnosis.
After all, everyone knows you can’t make a living performing magic tricks, drawing cartoons, or galavanting around the world like some modern day Jonathan Livingstone.
Name nearly any interest, and I can probably find someone making a decent (or better than decent) living at it. What we really fear is that while a select few have the right skills or luck to make those dreams happen, we don’t.
Yep, our dreams got the message loud and clear. The only way to survive is to hide.
How to find the unfindable
Fortunately, there are ways to coax them out of hiding. Taking a cue from our octopus example, here are five ways to get started.
Be patient
It took years of neglect to get to this point. Don’t be surprised if it takes more than a single feedback session or lunch time conversation with friends to draw them back out again. Meditation, exercise, and showering are all good strategies for finding the unexpected. And hey, there’s no harm in doing all three frequently!
Know what you’re looking for
Tim Ferriss argues that a big part of our problem is that we’re asking the wrong question. It’s not “What do I want to do?” but “What makes me excited?” Hang around some kids (preferably your own if you have some) and watch what makes their eyes light up. Catch yourself being happy, then try to engineer work situations that recreate that feeling.
Get up close
You’ll never appreciate the beauty and complexity of an octopus until you get really close. Same thing with your dreams. Get specific. Do you want to work inside or outside? Do you want to travel frequently or only on vacation with the family? Ask questions until the shape and texture of what you really want becomes clear.
Don’t be threatening
Sounds obvious, but hey, you don’t have a very good track record. Put away those old fashioned notions of how you might actually earn money from your dreams. They don’t need the pressure. Stop thinking about whether your mother will be proud of you for leaving your law practice to be a stage hand. Let your dreams tell their story without making any demands. Show some respect.
Listen and observe
You don’t have time for this. You feel silly. You’re sure there’s nothing inside that you haven’t seen or heard before. But how long have we shared the earth with the octopus without understanding how it blends so beautifully into its environment? Believe, for just a moment, that you are one of the most fascinating creatures on earth. What’s your natural habitat? What skills and talents come so naturally you take them for granted? If someone could only hire one person for a job, which one would make them pick you?
What we know
Play is a behavior found only in the most intelligent of species.
So quit listening to those who claim work can’t be joyful. Decide right now you’ll stop looking at the ocean through the glass of the tank you’ve created for yourself.
Because you’re smarter than that. Aren’t you?
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79 Responses to Why Your Ideal Career Is Hiding From You
Really great insight. And my kids loved the octopus video too. It was a great start to our homeschool day.
It’s a hard thing to reexamine your life and be willing to admit that maybe you’ve been on the wrong track through the years. Maybe the wrong track isn’t the right word for it because we still learn and make progress on our journey. But to discover we could be going somewhere else if we make a change, is both exciting and terrifying.
Thanks for this!
Faith,
You got it–terrifying and exciting. I distinctly remember the night I committed to changing my career. It felt like someone had given me a shot of adreneline right in my neck! I think one of the best things about being a scientist is that you go through all of life holding out the possibility you are wrong. Or put another way, scientists relish the chance to discover new insights–hard to do without someone being wrong!
Hi Jen,
It’s interesting that you say most of us think of what we’re going to ‘do’ as work when we ‘grow up’.
When we find our ideal career, it’s not so much that we ‘do’ it, rather it flows from finding – and living out – our passion. All the better if you can get paid for demonstrating your passion.
Also, it’s as if being ‘grown up’ means settling for the sensible, acceptable option and pouring cold water on your passion. If anything, when we find our ideal career or vocation, it sets fire to what everyone else regards an ‘approved occupation’ for us.
PS I’d never thought of an octopus as a career advisor… but there you go!
Interesting, Scott. You and I see “grown up” in entirely different ways. I consider myself grown up when I can choose what I want (instead of what other people tell me I should want) and know myself well enough to believe in it. It may include being “sensible,” but only if you mean that in the real, not pejoritive sense of the word. For example, I think it’s sensible to really enjoy what you do for a living.
I do, however, love the idea of “setting fire to the approved occupations.” That’s a beautiful way to say it. And yes, the octopus career advisor. Who knew?!
What a powerful post Jen. I am absolutely trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and your questions and advice here are spot on. Not, what do I want to do, but what makes me excited. It’s been so long though since I’ve been able to figure that out…
Lol – I especially liked your quip about showering. Too funny and true at the same time.
Great post and thank you for the continued inspiration.
Daria,
Thanks for appreciating my humor. I can’t keep it out entirely.
It’s funny, isn’t it, that we become so burdened with things we feel we have “to do” that we can’t even remember or find what excites us anymore? Make time for it, Daria. I really believe it’s the most important thing you can “do.”
Hi Jen and Daria, I absolutely agree that we have to do was is exciting and plan time every week to enjoy and develop!
Truly Irene
I think the trick is making the time to figure out what you really want. It’s easy to pursue simple pleasures. It’s much hard to find what fulfills you. Thanks for your thoughts!
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Awesome post Jennifer. I don’t know if I ever caught what it was you wanted to do.
I could relate to your feelings about going through college and taking the jobs you have to at times. Thankfully, I landed a job where I am now that is very rewarding, but my first job out of school couldn’t have been further from the job I like to do.
When you mentioned taking personal assessments, my ears perked, since that’s what we do at our company.
We use DISC and Motivator Assessments to help professionals find the work that fits their natural behaviors and motivations. It is very satisfying to hear back from our clients when they find a job they love and for the help we provided to get them there.
Bryce,
That’s funny. You’re right, I never said it. I always wanted to be a writer. And now I am one.
I recently took the DISC assessment and thought it was quite good. I am also a fan of Myers-Briggs. That helped me quite a bit. I did not take a formal aptitude test, but working through it on my own provided some great insights.
So glad to hear you are loving your job. We should talk offline about how we might work together. I’ll send you an email.
Thanks Jennifer,
I’ll look forward to your email.
Great post Jen! It took me a really long time to figure out what I wanted to do… I spent many years working in “corporate” jobs because that was what I was expected to do and what you did if you wanted to be “successful.” Took me a really long time to figure out that I get to define success and in my definition, success means doing something that I really enjoy, that makes me feel good about myself, and that makes a difference in the world.
I think a part of me always knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t have the confidence to follow my own path so I followed someone else’s (if you had asked me at the time, I would have thought I was on my own path – hindsight is a beautiful thing).
When I finally realized what I wanted to do I didn’t let anything stand in my way:
-4 more years of school, no problem
-massive pay cut while in school and finishing my internship, bring it on!
-other people’s doubt about my path, learned to tune them out
It’s been stressful and scary, but it’s also been the most amazing experience and I wouldn’t change one minute of it
Katie,
Exactly. That was the frustrating and enlightening part of the whole process. I always knew I wanted to be a writer, but I had to “rediscover” it so many years later. Defining my terms for success made all the difference in the world.
Your list of what you went through to get the career you really wanted is terrific. I want to tell these stories again and again, so everyone believes it possible with a little determination and confidence. Thanks for adding yours!!
My ideal career was always out in the open I just never paid any attention to it. Probably because my life was simply to hectic and traumatic to even think about it.
Once I finally received some rest it was pretty obvious. I am computer geek – design websites – and I love to write my thoughts and poetry. And so I started blogging.
Very inspiring and interesting post, Jen. I like the octopus’ ink comparison.
Daan,
I think that’s true for many of us–it’s right there, you just have to listen to what it’s saying. So glad you did!
What kind of poetry do you write? Do you publish? My struggle has been staying focused on my second book of poetry now that I’ve gotten into nonfiction.
Thanks to you too for sharing a success story. Love it!
What if you’ve found what you like and it has nearly nothing to do with a particular industry or topic? Does that make it harder or easier? I like to work for / with someone who is smarter than me, engages in intellectual banter, and most importantly – is inspiring and innovative. The industry / field doesn’t really matter. I’m more concerned with the person or people. Thoughts on that?
We talked about this on the phone, but for the benefit of everyone else: you really do have preferences. You may be naturally curious (as am I), but some topics will just rock your boat more than others. For example, I want to be a writer, but I’m not equally excited by all topics (as I’m learning the hard way). So my advice to you is to zoom in a little more into you get true clarity.
I’ve recently started going through this process and began making some changes to how I live my life. Thank you for new inspiration this morning! Great post and awesome video!
It is an awesome video in its own right. Glad you enjoyed it and happy to hear of your efforts on our Twitter chat. Look forward to hearing more good things from you!
What a timely find this posting was for me! I’ve had the sense for a while now that my long and deeply cherished dreams were dying one by one, and perhaps it was time to let them go and find some new ones. The deeper and more personal the dream is, the more sensitive and vulnerable it seems to feel. It doesn’t seem to take much to make that dream feel threatened and run for cover – perhaps even hiding for me. Lots of food for thought here. Thanks!
LeAnne,
Absolutely this: “the more sensitive and vulnerable it seems to feel. It doesn’t seem to take much to make that dream feel threatened and run for cover.” See if following those five steps and see if that helps you uncover those old dreams. I think it’s better to find them before letting them just disappear (which they never really do, by the way). Think of it as gaining closure. It’s perfectly okay to let go of dreams and adopt new ones, but do it consciously.
Let me know if those methods aren’t working for you and I’ll see what I can do. Glad you liked the post!
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