Moms. So Many Moms. A Million of Them.
by Marinka on February 9, 2012
I interrupt a week of whining about how my life is so hard, what with my son’s clashing wardrobe choices and my daughter not phoning me and the croissants jumping into my mouth whenever I stroll by (that post is still in drafts) to rant a little bit about a group of assholes, One Million Moms, who were protesting JC Penney’s decision to hire Ellen DeGeneres as their spokesperson.
Because Ellen is *gasp* gay and wants to make everyone in American gay and burn a few Bibles while she’s at it. And maybe the American flag too, but only if being gay doesn’t take up all her free time. It’s hard to juggle so many things at once, you know.
So I usually ignore shit like this because there are many insane people in the world and I can’t spend my croissant-eating time arguing with them all, but this week, Ellen DeGeneres called them out on their bullshit, and well, I love Ellen. Check it out if you missed it.
The great news is that JC Penney is standing by their decision to hire Ellen and I swear, I now think JC Penney is run by geniuses because that decision makes me want to shop at JC Penney and I didn’t even know that JC Penney still existed in post- 1970s America. And then people that I adore, Sweetney and Doug organized a Shop-In at JC Penney’s this Sunday, February 12th, and OMG, what a great idea. You can even buy a Valentine’s Day gift there for me if you like.
So please help spread the word!
Facebook page.
More info at Sweetney’s site.
Oh and another thing. You may know that this month I’m one of the community leaders at Million Moms Challenge–an organization formed to promote healthy mothers and babies around the world. Totally and completely unrelated to One Million Moms, but they’re getting slammed in the confusion. I’ve tried to convince them to change their organization name to Marinka and 999,999 Other Moms, but it’s not catching on. Yet.
So if you have an extra second, please stop by to support them, and like their Facebook page.
Thank you.
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The Important Thing To Know About Me
by Marinka on February 8, 2012
The important thing to know about me is that when my 13 year old daughter left to go to New Orleans for a week long trip with her class, I was absolutely fine with it.
Why New Orleans is a fine, fine city and why shouldn’t she party? I mean, learn? I am certainly not one of those helicopter moms that everyone keeps reading about! And when the teacher said “no, Marinka, we do not need parent chaperons” and “no, not security detail, either, thanks, we’ll definitely keep you in mind” I got it in the spirit in which it was intended and I plan to have my legal team address the restraining order that’s been taken out against me.
But whatever.
They’re gone for a week and they’re allowed to phone home once a day, in the evening.
While still in NYC, my daughter told me that “unfortunately” she left her phone at the dacha.
“That’s too bad,” I said. “I guess we can buy you a cheapo phone for the trip.”
“Eh, that’s alright,” she reassured me. “It will be nice to get a break from you guys.”
OMG, how adorable and sweet!
A BREAK FROM US?
She probably meant Husbandrinka. Or Nicki.
Besides, she told me, all her friends have phones and she’ll be able to borrow.
“Just call me every night,” I asked.
“Sure!” She said.
Let’s review.
Saturday night- she called! Everything’s great!
Sunday night- she called Husbandrinka (but close enough! she must have misdialed!) Everything’s great but one of her friends took a shower without the shower curtain and flooded the bathroom and there’s a Katrina-lite type of a situation going on, so gotta go, can’t talk, love you, bye!
Monday night- no call. I’m filled with worry and can’t sleep. Husbandrinka is the opposite of filled with worry and can’t sleep. I email the teacher, trying to sound casual and non-insane. Hi! Hope the trip is going well! I was wondering if you tell the kids to call home every night because I haven’t heard from my daughter and usually she’s the type to call me nonstop to seek out my wisdom and guidance! Yours in hoping that the restraining order doesn’t apply to emails, Marinka (This non-insane stuff is really hard! I don’t know how people do it!)
The teacher writes back informing me that the trip is going great and the kids have the option of calling their parents but do not have to.
So apparently, there has to be some kind of a court order in place before my Teenage Daughter deigns to call the Woman Who Gave Her Life.
Tuesday night- no call. But what’s this? A text! A text from a friend’s phone! Let’s read it together!
Hi, it’s me. We’ve been having dinner late so I can’t really call at a good time. The trip is going fine. Give a hug to Nicki and hi to everyone.
Unfortunately I’d had dinner with two of her classmates’ mothers that very night. And their daughters called them. So I can only guess that my daughter is being forced to eat after everyone else is, in the middle of the night.
Or she misses me so much that any it’s very painful for her to talk to me on the phone.
Those are the only possible explanations.
Will she call me tonight?
Tomorrow?
Stay tuned!
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