Wordless Wednesday: Mom Guilt and Boy Fun

by Mindi Stavish on February 8, 2012

I have said it before and I’ll say it a million more times, I love having one day off during the week.  I started working a 32 hour work week October 20099, after feeling miserable about missing lots of time with Xander when he was just a wee little one.  I live for my one day off a week with the boys.  Some days we have play dates and some days we stay at home.  About once a month I send the toddler to daycare, so I can get errands done.  My mom guilt kicks in on these days.  I can only imagine how much I am judged by other mom’s when I tell them that I put my kid in daycare on my day off.  I don’t do it because I would rather him be in daycare than at home.  I do it because there are a few things that are easier to get done when I have just the baby to care for.  Sure I can manage to get any of the chores done with both of them running under my feet.  It just takes five times longer.  Plus we are still paying for full-time daycare even though the boys usually go 4 days a week.   On the rare week that Xander goes on Thursday we get our money worth.  Daycare in the Washington DC area is NOT cheap.  Right now I keep Noah home with me because he is a tad “easier”.  If he went to daycare too I would have to pump throughout the day.   I’m not sure what I’ll do once I wean Noah.  I enjoy spending one-on-one time with my baby.  Xander was an only child for 26 months, so it’s nice for Noah to experience being the only child one day a week.  So I had every intention of making this post Wordless until I sat down and the words came.  Guess it’s just one of those kind of posts.
Last Thursday was a day that we had a play date with my friend Erin, who I met at a mommy group when our boys were just 9 months old. I was so excited to meet her new little bundle of joy and for the boys to play together.  Here they are at 13 months old. Now at three (Gus) and close to three (Mr. X) the blond hair, blue eye duo enjoy sharing lunch together. Just too cute!  I had so much fun holding Finn. Noah seemed huge compared to him. Then my heart proceeded to melt when Xander and Noah were playing with some trucks together. I love it when big brother is sweet to little brother. I look forward to many more play dates together with our four boys. It should be a wild and crazy time.

I know all mom’s have some sort of mom guilt.  What mom guilt do you struggle with?  It’s time to fess up!

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Missing Mom

by Mindi Stavish on February 7, 2012

A few weeks ago I mailed the letter.  After it sat on the island in my kitchen for a few weeks it finally made itself into an envelope.  Then it sat addressed in an envelope for another week.  Then I finally mailed it.  It hasn’t been sent back with oh-so final red stamp “Undeliverable” so at least I know my mom still lives there.  She hasn’t contact me though.  As we come upon Xander’s third birthday I feel sad that she is missing yet another special event in our families’ life.  The last time she saw Xander we played on the beach and had so much fun.  This was such a long time ago!
She has missed so much.  She has not even met Noah yet.  Sweet baby boy Noah with the big toothy grin who will be a year in 2 months!  Yup, missed the entire first year of his life.  Way to go grandma!  I’m not sure what to do next.  She has shut herself off from the entire family, even her own brothers and sisters, who also live in Maine.  My Uncle has called the local police department to do a wellness check on her and he hasn’t heard back from them.  I will be putting a call into them as well.  If she doesn’t want to communicate with us,  fine that’s her choice.  I would at least like to know that she is okay.  You know, still alive.

Thankfully my mom wasn’t always an absent parent.  When I was 4 years-old my parents got divorced and my mom got full custody of me and my youngest brother.  She did a fairly good job raising the two of us with what little resources she had.  We always had a warm place to sleep and food on the table.  Sure we lived in a housing project and paid for our food with food stamps but we got by.  She also did a good job hiding her depression from the two of us.  I had no idea how much she struggled with it.  When I was in sixth grade she moved us clear across the country to Florida and then to Vermont and then back to Maine all within a twelve month period.  Talk about messing with a kids’ self esteem and confidence. Three schools in one year was not fun for a girl trying to survive her pre-teen years.   But I got by.  I managed to make it through my junior high and high school years, mostly keeping out of trouble.  Occasionally I broke curfew or didn’t come home for the night (that one had me grounded for months!), but overall I was a good kid.  I knew if I worked hard and got good grades I could go to college and get out of poverty.  That’s what I did.  One of the happiest days of my high school years was getting the acceptance letter to the University of New Hampshire.  I couldn’t believe I did it.

My mom’s depression really started rearing it’s ugly head as I entered college.  She had her ups and downs but mostly downs.  She moved out-of-state a few times, ran out of money, lived in homeless shelters, and then came back to Maine.  I helped her as much as I could.  Came to visit her, took her to get groceries, helped her run errands, encouraged her to go to her doctor appointments and listened to her problems.  There were so many times when I felt like “the parent”.  I hate feeling like I’m the parent.  I just want to be the kid.  My parents are not old enough for me to be caring for them right now.  That comes later in life.  I’m not ready for this phase of life.  Yet, I care.  I won’t walk away from her.  That’s not in my nature.  At this point I’m holding on to the hope that she will figure herself out and get the help she needs.  If this takes years then it takes years.  I will go on loving my boys and enjoying each and every moment with them.  There will only be one 3rd birthday.  One “he took his first steps” moment.  I won’t let her steal these precious once-in-a-lifetime mommy moments from me.

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DIY Thank You Cards

by Mindi Stavish on February 6, 2012

There are few things that my mom taught me that I have carried with me into adulthood, including “always send a thank you card”.  Every year after Christmas and my birthday I sit down and write thank you cards.  They typically don’t get done until way later than I would like, but it’s the thought that counts.  Not how prompt they are.   In the past I have just hand written a note on a basic thank you card.    This year I decided to get the boys involved in the process.  It’s never to early to teach them about gratitude.  I was going to send a long distance hug as a thank you and write on the back of the hands, but  I wanted to include a picture.  Instead I helped the boys make hand prints using finger paint. I had both of them do a left and right hand, using a different color for left and a different color for right.  After Xander was done with his he had a blast finger painting.   Once the hand prints were dry I scanned them into our computer and printed them onto cardstock. That way I didn’t have to torture Noah and Xander with 7 hand prints. Any parent who has attempted hand prints before knows that it’s a near impossible feat. It took me 5 attempts to get a hand print that looked close enough to a hand with Noah. The hand prints suprisingly printed out well. I then cut around the hands and glued one for each of the boys in the inside of the card.

Noah's hand

Xander’s hand

I wrote a small note for each one of the boys under the hand prints.
I just love seeing the boys little hands in print. The outside of the card was super simple. I found puffy scrapbook sticker letters on sale at Michael’s and used them for “Thank you.”. Then I printed out a picture of the boys and cut it to fit the paper. A little glue stick later and here is the completed card.

I hope family and friends enjoy these as much as we enjoyed making them.

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Menu Planning Monday: Pinterest Style

by Mindi Stavish on February 6, 2012

I’m still recovering from the Patriots loss last night…boo! It was a great season but hard to see it end like that. We had a relaxing night at home watching the game, eating junk food and chili for dinner.  It was so nice that I had leftovers of chili in the freezer from a couple of weeks ago.  Chili always seems to taste better reheated anyway.  I’m trying to keep meals simple for the week, as I plan to do a lot of baking for Xander’s birthday party throughout the week.  As I was going through my recipes on Friday night I got the idea to use Pinterest to meal plan, so I created a board on my account here. When I come across a recipe that I want to make for the upcoming week I can pin it to my board. Then when it comes time to meal plan on Saturday or Sunday all my links are in one place.  I still plan to use Kitchen Monki to keep track of my favorite recipes and share them on the blog. I just think the addition of Pinterest will help me stay more organized throughout the week.  This week I didn’t transfer anything into the blog on Kitchen Monki, because I meal planned on the way to the grocery store on Saturday.  Sometimes I’m just too lazy to do that additional step after planning and shopping.

Monday: Mac and Cheddar Cheese with Chicken and Broccoli (a family favorite!)
Tuesday: Crock Pot Salsa Chicken over rice with Roasted Asparagus and Mushrooms
Wednesday: Healthier Hamburger Helper with buttery brown sugar carrots
Thursday: Meatloaf and Mac and Cheese Spinach Muffins (new recipe I found on Pinterest)
Friday: Leftovers for the boys but I’m trying Piping Hot Peanut Butter Soup Peanut butter in soup sounds bizzare but this looks really good. I will report back next week!

If you need some more ideas come follow me on Pinterest or check out Meal Planning Monday with Laura of I’m an Organizing Junkie. Have a great week with yummy dinners!

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InstaFriday with a Challenge

by Mindi Stavish on February 3, 2012

Since I start my Intro to Digital Photography class THIS Sunday, I decided to join the February Photo Challenge to kick things off. I am so over-the-moon excited for this course to start. Looking forward to finally learning how to use my D-SLR Nikon 7000.
Since I’m two days behind on the photo challenge let’s catch up. View= Window at work. I’m ready to see leaves on the trees thanks! Words = Way too many Speech and Language reports to write Hands = Knitting the purl stitch with my dry and cracked hands. They look like they belong to a lady in her 60′s!

Here is our week by way of my Iphone.  It’s been a long week filled with a sick kid, a playdate, a “refuse to get sick” mommy and a wild toddler.  Sunday morning breakfast, my creation for Xander’s Hungry Caterpillar, birthday party, nursing my sick boy, Noah survived his first strep test (it was negative),  sick day for N and wagon ride to daycare for X, love belly sleeping, back to work on Wednesday with a plugged duct, printing pictures at Target (boy LOVED it!), the latest nightly bedtime ritual

Follow me on Instagram @simplystavish to see where this photo challenge takes me. Today I’m linking up to Life Rearranged and
Iphoneography

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Wordy Wednesday

by Mindi Stavish on February 1, 2012

Get ready for a massive photo dump..seriously. Lately we have been hanging out at home during the weekends and it’s been SO NICE! I love having down time to play with the boys. February is going to be a crazy month. We are busy with something every weekend until March, including swim classes, my photography classes (so excited), Xander’s birthday party, and our friend’s daughter Careena’s 1st birthday party. I’m exhausted just thinking about all the running around we will be doing.

Two weekend’s ago Xander’s friend Riley turned three and had a bowling party. It was X’s second time bowling and he still refused to throw his ball down the alley. He just wanted to hang on to it. He occasionally showed it off to anyone who would humor him. I guess he likes bowling about as much as mommy and daddy do. We can cross that off the list of “fun family activities for a rainy day” thank you!
Noah started to get sick at the end of last week and by the end of the weekend was miserable. Sunday we spend the day lounging at home. We entertained X with his first blanket fort, which kept him busy for most of the morning. I’m not sure what it is about kids and laundry of any sort but this boy has a blast destroying piles of folded laundry. I have given up folding laundry around him lately. He kept himself amused with the basket for a good 20 minutes. Free entertainment that gives mommy a few minutes to get something done, yes please.
Noah’s doing something new every time I turn around. He started saying his first word “Uh oh!” and this morning he crawled toward me and said “mama”. Yup, the boy knows how to melt my heart. Normally he refuses to keep shoes on his feet but these cute knock off chucks didn’t budge. A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E!
X is still huge into Transformers but Star Wars is quickly taking over his thoughts. I’m sure as more Star Wars toys make their way into the house by way of daddy, I will see Darth Maul and Luke “Skywhopper” appear on the window ledges, in the bathroom and on any other surface that looks adequate for perching said toys. See the following exhibits.
And that’s what we have been up to these days! How about you?

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You’re Gonna Miss This

by Mindi Stavish on January 31, 2012

I’ve almost been at this parenting thing for three years. That’s so crazy and hard to believe! I’m not sure where the time has gone because it has been the fastest three years!! Xander is now looking and talking like such a big boy, no longer a little toddler. I am excited that he can now dress himself (somewhat), feed himself with less mess (unless it’s Spaghetti), and entertain himself for much longer periods. With that excitement comes sadness that he no longer needs me as much. I’m no longer his main squeeze. There is a new dog in town… daddy. Daddy has the cool toys and the cool voices that mommy just can’t compete with. As much as I know he will always need his mommy, it still makes me a bit sad when he says “No weave alone mommy!” or “Daddy read story.” But I still treasure little moments with him that make my heart go pitter patter. Like last night when Xander asked me “Mommy read me a story.” Or when he asks me “Take my picture.” and gives me the silliest, cheesiest smile. Then I remember that yes in fact he still needs his mommy. He will need his mommy when he walks through the doors into Kindergarten, when he goes off to the big scary high school, and when I drive away from him as he goes off to college. Ugh, just the thought of him leaving for college makes me tear up. I will be that crazy mom with the baby booties in her hand as I’m dropping him off at University of Some College. It is just going all too quickly. So advice I would give to any new mommy-to-be is….

1. Cherish the small moments because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if the laundry still needs to be folded or the dishes aren’t done (I have a hard time with this one!). What matters most is those little hands and feet that need lots of hugs and kisses.
2. You can never EVER take too many pictures of your baby…sleeping, crying, nursing, laughing, smiling…document it ALL!
3. Make time for yourself and don’t lose your passion. The first few months of having a newborn are a lot of work, it’s true. You may not feel like doing much of anything but sleeping and feeding your baby. But once you get through that you start to feel nearly normal. I think it’s important to do something for yourself, whatever that may be. If you can’t seem to find your “pre-baby” self, start a new hobby. It is so hard to make time for yourself, but you will be a better mom if you do. Lately I have been staying up later to have some “me” time but that’s okay. My body has adjusted to less sleep over the past three years. I like that I can still be creative through my knitting or blogging. It keeps my mind from going to mush.
4. Find new mommy friends that get you and get it. If you have a lot of friends who don’t have kids they just don’t understand what it’s like to wake up three million times a night and still have to function the next day. Hang on to these friends, but don’t except these friendships to remain the same. They will change, that’s almost a guarantee.
5. Never pass up an oppurtunity to go on a date with your husband! If someone with a pulse offers to baby sit your kid take it. Ok, maybe someone with a little more than a pulse but seriously go out on a date when you can. Your marriage deserves it. Because when that little baby grows up and goes off to college you will be looking at each other asking, “Now what?”.

As a country fan I have heard many songs about babies growing up that always make me tear up. (Yet another side effect of becoming a mom, crazy breakdowns over song lyrics!). Of course when the oppurtunity arises to quote them I come up blank. The one that does stand out in my mind is You’re Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins. The song is written in the point of a dad to his daughter. The song starts off with the teenager wanting to be out of the house. Then she becomes a bride and starts talking about having babies. He says slow down, you’re going to miss this (independence) when it’s gone. In the last verse of the song it’s five years later and in typical country fashion the dog is barking, the babies are crying, and the water heater is broken. The “girl” is apologizing to the plumber, because her house is a cluster F, but he says he’s not bothered because he has two babies of his own, one’s 36 and one’s 23, it’s hard to believe. Which pretty much sums it up. No matter who we are or where we have come from, parenting is the same. The early days are hard but special. It goes fast. You will miss this.

But you’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna miss this
Yeah, you’re gonna miss this
- Trace Adkins, You’re Gonna Miss this

Linking this post up to Toddle Along Tuesday with Mama G for today’s topic: “Advice for mommies-to-be”. Check out her blog for more great posts linked up to this very topic.

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Xander’s Superhero Theme room Reveal

by Mindi Stavish on January 30, 2012

I’m so excited to share with you Xander’s superhero theme room! When we moved into our house Xander moved from his nursery to a big boy room. At the time, he was into He-Man (daddy’s old toys), but we chose the superhero theme. It’s an interest that most boys have at some point in their life (and some boys never outgrow).   Now a year later, Xander is obsessed with all things superhero, so it worked out perfectly.   It was difficult to photograph the room and give you the “entire picture” . Once I get all the other details complete I may add some video. Here is a picture, just days before we moved in. Before After Bedding: Pottery Barn Kids, Night Stand:  Ikea Hemnes (repurposed from our Master Bedroom), sleigh bed frame: Regency Furniture, Rail Road lamp:  Pottery Barn Kids, Growth Chart:  Washington Capitals, Decals above close door:  Transformers (Toys R Us), Wooden Letters: Purchased at Michaels and decorated by me Before After Batman canvas artwork by Splash of Color 4 U!, Bookshelf: Target, Roman blackout shades:  Bed, Bath and Beyond Before After Tall Dresser: Hemnes Ikea (repurposed from our Master Bedroom), Superman lamp shade and He-Man prints: Ebay Book shelf: Pottery Barn Kids Madison 3-Shelf Book Rack The projects I’m most excited about in Xander’s room are the fabric bins and his wooden letters. The bins were my first pinterest inspired project, which led me to the tutorial here. Before: After: Left of book shelf:  Book Shelf:  Pottery Barn Kids, Canvas Bins:  Target, Left of bookshelf: Storage bin full of large Transformers, Right of Book shelf: Bat cave $5.00 deal at a yard sale last summer The wooden letters was my very first Modge Podge project, which was a lot of fun. I collected old and new comic books for quite awhile to put them together. Love how it turned out! I adapted the directions from The Party Wall. Instead of using tissue paper for the sides I painted them with acrylic paint, which was so much easier. After the Modge Podge application I finished the letters with a gloss acrylic spray to give them some shine. I’m super excited with how the room turned out. It’s rare that my vision of a room ever turns out the way I want it too. His room totally did. Score one for mommy this time!

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Menu Planning Monday

by Mindi Stavish on January 30, 2012

I was feeling quite lazy this weekend, so didn’t add any of this week’s recipes into Kitchen Monki. I also didn’t feel like going grocery shopping at ALL, so will do the shopping tonight on my way home from work. I’m sure that will make me extra grumpy when I get home, but such is life. Anyone else despise grocery shopping as much as I do? I really wish we had grocery delivery service in our area. Peapod delivers all over Washington DC but not in Southern Maryland. I daydream of sitting in front of my computer, clicking the items I want and having then delivered to my doorstep. Ok enough daydreaming, back to reality. This is who has been sitting at our table for meals this past weekend.  The Star Wars addiction has started in our house!

Another week of meals in at our house includes…

Monday: Picking up a Rotisserie Chicken at the grocery store, Steamed Asparagus and Rice
Tuesday: Smoky Turkey Shepard’s Pie
Wednesday: Mac and Cheddar Cheese with Chicken and Broccoli(one of our favorite Rachel Ray recipe’s)
Thursday: Fish Chowder (or folk from Maine call it Chowda) and BLT’s on mini croissant rolls
Friday: Have-It-Your-Way Tacos and Spanish Rice
Saturday: Out
Sunday: Applesauce BBQ Chicken, Broccoli with Cheese Dipping Sauce and Golden Mashed Potatoes (my favorite Mashed Potato Recipe)

In keeping up with my goal to post more pictures of me here is what menu planning typically looks like on a Saturday or Sunday morning.

Linking up to Laura at I’m an Organizing Junkie for another week of meal planning. What’s on your menu?