How Can I Find “the One”
February 10, 2012 By Kamille Scellick 19 Comments
“Mama! And then the prince came & they got married!” exclaimed my little princess loving Tay.
I’m a mom of two little girls with pink & dresses holding stock in our home. My Tay is all things girl, as she dons a dress everyday twirling with delight. When asked what she wants to be when she grows up, she replies, “I want to be a princess!”
For her, this romantic idealism is seeping in at the age of three…watching Cinderella becoming a princess, marrying the prince as they live happily ever after. I know this idealism all too well, dreaming of “one day my prince will come.”
As a teenager, I wrote my criteria for a future husband with my list tilting on the side of unrealistic expectations. From Disney to Hollywood, each infiltrating the church and sending me the message that my job was to find THE ONE holding my glass slipper. I would fall in love over & over as though butterflies constantly filled my belly. I better not miss any serendipitous moment to lose sight of fate in passing him by.
Where do we get this idea that there is only one person out there that would suite us? The myth of “the one” is dangerous in singleness or marriage.
1. How the Myth Begins
Most young girls envision their ‘prince’ and wedding day. She meets a man who fulfills her dreams like a match made in proverbial heaven. They date, get married and live happily ever after…until. Roads get bumpy, communication breaks down, problems emerge left and right. Rather than looking at the vows made, the woman wonders, “Maybe I didn’t find the one? It’s not butterflies or sparks in my stomach. What happened? Maybe the one is still out there?”
2. How I chose the One
In the opening lines of our marriage vows we said, “I, Kamille, joyfully choose you, Ben…” We believe there are many people in this world that would be compatible for us. In fact, I’m sure there is someone else who would suite Ben more than I do. We don’t focus on finding “the one,” but knowing that we chose each other as “the one.” We forsake all others, even when we don’t feel like it and the sparks aren’t there, in order to keep our covenant with God & each other. It’s because we choose one another daily.
3. Jesus Is the True One
The true heart of the matter is teaching ourselves that a prince is not the true “one,” it’s Jesus. He is the one who welcomes us into his chambers to delight & sing over us. He tells us our worth. You see, even when I chose Ben as my one partner in this life till death, it’s only Jesus who can satisfy my deepest desires & longings.
To my single sisters, walk into the throne of grace as daughters of the Most High God. Find your true love & perfect approval there; as you walk in knowing, he approves of you. This will equip you to step into a relationship. You won’t be seeking how your boyfriend or husband approves of you; but, resting in the confidence that Jesus does. And oh boy, is that man going to find that attractive.
To my married sisters, run into his chambers of grace. Love is a verb, not an emotion or feeling. It’s a daily choice to keep at it over and over again. It’s praying to love like the servant King when it’s hard. It’s choosing to joyfully take your husband and live out those for better or for worses.
He is the only true fairytale that allows us to live ever after.
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