...
“If a man wants to read good books,
he must make a point of avoiding bad ones;
for life is short,
and time and energy limited.”
— Schopenhauer
I think this is true for ALL things, not just books- human energy *is* limited, so it’s smarter to use it doing things that are REALLY nourishing and sustaining. I’m trying hard to remember this.
Awakening Joy started this week, so I might pop up this weekend and do some exercises from the first chapter. “Nourish” is the theme so far, at least for me.
Also, this week on Bliss Habits, I revisited my “Lessons From the Garden” post from last spring.
Have a lovely Friday!
[Stock photo is by Michael Blann]
comments playing with paint
One evening this past weekend, I pulled out my watercolors and some of my finished circles/cell drawings and started playing *just* a little bit. I had the urge to paint.
I also wanted to explore the idea of “practicing” art as opposed to making something concrete. I just wanted to play with the watercolors a little bit.
When I first started dyeing my beads, it was ALL play. There was NO technique for it- it was something I just came across as I experimented and tried things out with the inks.
So I tried to keep that in mind as I sat down with the watercolors and a few brushes. Instead of using any of the techniques I have picked up along the way, I just let tried different things to see what might happen. Some if it was absolute failure, but some of it made me happy. I love it when colors interact and do their own thing.
I don’t know… it was so much fun, though, to just *practice* and play. I’m definitely going to do more of it.
comments
“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron
... SERIOUS stuff ...
Welcome to week 39 of the Common Miracles project.
So… about the photo above… (Tom’s probably not going to be too excited that I posted this photo, but, oh well…)
Some couples get formal portraits taken. They go to a photo studio every anniversary, or hire a photographer, or a family member grabs a shot of them in a romantic moment.
Our version of the “formal couple portrait” is the photo you see above. It’s the photo that’s taken at the end of “Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin” at Disney World.
For those who aren’t familiar, “Buzz Lightyear” is a ride at Disney where you go through several levels and shoot laser guns at moving targets. At some point in the last few years, Tom and I have developed an EPIC rivalry over this ride. It’s about a 50/50 split on who scores higher.
At the end of the ride, a giant robot with flashing eyes snaps a picture as the people on the ride try desperately to get a few last points added to their score.
Every time we go to Disney, we purchase one of the photos from this ride. We look pretty horrible, to be honest (who doesn’t after several days at Disney?), and Tom looks like he’s very angry, but we buy the photo anyway. And display it on our mantle.
Why do we do this?
Because it’s who we are.
The ride is incredibly fun, and it’s something that we both love. We’re not formal photo people. Even our candid wedding photos feel a little “off” to us. But a photo of us on a Disney ride, unkempt and exhausted and trying to zap-gun a robot? That’s more like it.
Today is Tom’s birthday. <3
I think it’s pretty evident that the biggest “Common Miracle” in my life is clearly my family. I often think about how many things had to align for all three of us to find each other. But then there are other moments when I really do believe no matter what decisions we made, we would have come together anyway.
But it’s still a miracle, a family. *My* family. And I’m truly grateful for that miracle every single day.
[Sorry for the numerous edits on this post, but I had a hard time articulating my thoughts...]
Common Miracles is a project I started in May, 2011 to examine and discover how gratitude works in everyday life. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.
comments ...your voice, your vision...
“Your playing big isn’t defined on the world’s terms.
It isn’t necessarily owning an empire or making millions.You know what playing big means for you.
It’s following that inspiration that is in your heart. Seeing it through. It is getting out there – visible. It is your voice, your vision, your unique contribution-
all these things flowing forth,
no longer shrunken down, stopped up inside you, or compromised.”- Tara Sophia Mohr
and
A super-secret, reminder for all fearless flowers:
If you but soak up the sunlight you are given, drink each drop of water I send, and strive only to be yourself, life shall quicken in your roots, spirit shall raise you into the light, and your bloom will inspire the world.
Sincerely,
The Universe
[Trying to remember to start where I am. ... Photo (stock) by Dougal Waters. Have an amazing weekend! <3]
comments thriving takes practice
The journal page had lessons of its own, especially in regards to the ideas of “trust” and “practice”. But let me back up just a bit to the whole “practice” theme…
I have a few quotes up in my studio that basically say the same thing: honor the beginning. There’s a beginning, a middle, and an end to most everything in life. Most everything is an evolving process of sorts. So why do I feel like creativity, and joy, and gratitude, and spirituality, and all those other things that are meaningful to me have to be so *instant*?
Then I saw this video by Ira Glass and read this journal entry over at Tracy’s blog and it sort of shifted into focus for me.
The bottom line is that even though I’m in my thirties, I’m still at the beginning stages of a lot of things. And I need to honor that. I need to respect that some things take time, they take an investment of patience and daily work.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized the beginning is kind of a *good* place to be. It’s a time of play, of just getting my hands a little dirty, of trying things out. It’s a time of possibility.
If I want to thrive, I will have to practice at it until it becomes second nature.
I am trying to remember that there were times when swimming was new, when gardening was new, when making beads was new, when I felt lost and a little unsure about all those things, and certainly didn’t feel comfortable claiming them as things I *did*. But now I feel really, really comfortable with those things and confident in my abilities in them.
Thriving will have to be a daily exercise. It’s the same with creativity, and gratitude, and well-being- they all take practice. The practice doesn’t have to be unpleasant- instead, it can be fun. It can be this opportunity to see what works, what doesn’t, what I enjoy, and what I don’t.
So, anyway, the journal page. I’m trying to journal about “thriving” often, so I keep the idea fresh in my mind and kep focusing on it.
When I sat down to make this page, I started out with three things- the “thriving takes practice” idea, a few words from a calendar (it reads “I stand in truth and I live and move in joy”), and the image of the girl jumping in the air, waving her magic wand made out of a stick and a little scrap of paper at the top.
Anyway, I wound up taping the image down, then painting on top of it, then misting it, then collaging over it with tiny scraps of patterned paper, then I washi-taped some more, then I painted over THAT, and then I used stencils and masks to paint over THAT. It just wasn’t happening. Then I went in with markers and doodled a bit. Then I made some paper flowers, which make me happy, and then I just arranged it all on the page.
I don’t *love* it, but I like it so much better than when I was halfway through it and starting to think I needed to just grab the gesso and start over.
I tried to remind myself that I wasn’t art journaling for the end game, I was doing it so I could spent the time and focus being creative. I wanted it to be more about the practice and process of art journaling, so I continued until I felt things click into place.
Definitely a GOOD reminder that thriving, that art, is not about some destination, it’s about the evolution, the possibility, the process. It felt good to sort of force myself to stay in that mode for a few days rather than paint over it and start over and return to something tried and true but not very challenging.
My “one little word” for 2012 is “thrive”.
My intention is to try and work on “thriving” on a daily basis, and share my progress and experiences throughout the year here on my website. Thanks for reading!
“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron
I cheated and took this photo last year, but still...!
Welcome to week 38 of the Common Miracles project.
“When we are mindful of every nuance of our natural world, we finally
get the picture: that we are only given one dazzling moment of life
here on Earth, and we must stand before that reality both humbled and
elevated, subject to every law of our universe and grateful for our
brief but intrinsic participation with it.”
- Elizabeth Gilbert
For a few weeks I felt pretty disconnected from *everything*- friends, family, life, the natural world, God, my passions, goals, ideas- just everything. I felt like I was just making the motions. I realized on some level it was just the winter blues, the post-holiday funk that sets in every January when I seem to struggle for solid footing and find a renewed sense of focus and… well, just *joy* for living.
This week two things got my attention: the incredible beauty of the sunsets (not that the aren’t always lovely, but WOW, it’s been pretty amazing lately) and the way my garden suddenly came alive. It’s almost as everything out there grew overnight.
For some reason, standing there and seeing all of the green and all of the colors and the way the plants (I’m still container gardening, but up to about 100 planters, large containers, etc!) needed to be spaced out so they could grow even more felt like I was being plugged back into everything that mattered. I felt the connection just sort of *spark* somewhere deep inside me, and it almost felt like the life flowed back into me.
It has been a tremendous relief, but I’m also very aware of how fragile that connection can be at times.
It’s terrifying when you lose your footing, isn’t it? I’m grateful I know that it’s most like something chemical in my brain or hormonal or just a lack of light and energy, but it still feels scary while it’s happening.
So this week I’m reveling in the spark. But I’m also trying to nurture it as best as possible, and really pay attention and support that connection with small things that mean a lot.
Common Miracles is a project I started in May, 2011 to examine and discover how gratitude works in everyday life. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.
comments Edmund Tarbell - "Mother and Mary"
“Wherever you are is always the right place.
There is never a need to fix anything, to hitch up the bootstraps of the soul and start at some higher place. Start right where you are.”
- Julia Cameron
[I've always loved this painting- it seems very contemplative to me, but in a hopeful way. Have a lovely, lovely weekend! ]
commentsA few more pages from my spring art journal…
... silently drawn ...
We saw “The Artist” about two weeks ago and it *really* moved me in a very profound way. I’ll try and describe it without giving out tremendous spoilers:
“The Artist” is about a silent movie star (George Valentin) who completely resists the transition to “talking” movies. Despite the urging of everyone around him, George is *so* deeply rooted in this idea of himself as a “silent movie actor” that he can’t move past it. It paralyzes him and stunts his growth as an artist.
But being an actor isn’t George’s true love- there’s something he loves to do even more. I won’t spoil it, but I will say that George has a natural talent that he uses constantly to connect with people, to entertain people, and to *move* people. But even though he loves this thing, it never occurs to him that it can be a professional asset.
Of course, with my One Little Word being “thrive”, I couldn’t help but come away from “The Artist” inspired. As I watched the movie, and thought about it for days after, I realized that a huge part of thriving is about involve personal evolution, and a willingness to examine deeply held beliefs I hold about myself and *challenge* those beliefs on a regular basis.
The quote is from Rumi: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.”
artist / spring fever pages
There’s a little bit of Spring Fever going on around here and I *love* it. The garden is EXPLODING. There’s tons and tons of birds outside, flying and dancing in the sky and singing all day. The weather has gotten milder, and the sun is out more often. It feels good, like a fresh start. Gracie was dancing in front of the sunset so I snapped a few photos with my iPhone and wanted to capture that moment of giddiness.
rite of passage
A page about the challenge of personal evolution, and my lack of patience with this whole “thriving” thing. Lots of journaling about my inability to trust myself and the path I am on.
vellum overlay with printed journaling
A few days ago I read a blog post by Jennifer Louden and it really hit me hard and made me think more about the whole “deeply rooted beliefs” I have about myself. I literally had to get up and walk away from the computer when I read it.
Anyway, I journaled a bit about it because it really affected me, printed the journaling out on vellum, and bound it into my journal.
Underneath, a reminder to myself that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.
right here, right now
“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron
my new Nikes
Welcome to week 37 of the Common Miracles project.
So, I finally went ahead and picked out new sneakers this week.
Backstory: because I was born with Spina Bifida, none of the “working parts” (bones, tendons, nerves, muscles, etc.) developed properly in my feet, so I’ve had many, many surgeries on my feet, including several reconstructions of my left foot and some muscle/tendon transplants and ortho stuff on my right foot.
Finally, when was 19, a surgeon swooped into my life and said “enough of trying to fix what can never be improved- let’s just take some bone from your hip and make a new left foot out of it.” And so he did.
Before I got my Fancy Franken-Foot (I call it that because there’s a lot of hardware holding the bone into place…) shoes were such an issue. Arghhh. As a kid and a teenager, wearing “regular” shoes was almost impossible. Anything besides air casts or funky doctor-made shoes (which I more or less refused to wear- I’d always choose an air cast over a big clunky shoe, especially as a teenager!), made my feet break down, bones shift, etc. No flip-flops, no sandals, no flats, no sneakers, no hiking boots, no slippers. It was just a BAD situation all around.
The funny thing was the one pair of shoe I always wanted was just a regular pair of Nike running sneakers. That’s it. When I was a teenager, the old-style Nikes came back in style and all the sudden there were photos of them on models with ballgowns, career-women in New York City, etc. Sure, I also lusted after cool black shoes and Doc Martens and Converse, as well, but I always thought if I could just wear one pair of Nikes without a problem, life would be *so* much better.
Anyway, after I had my left foot reconstructed from my hip bone, the bandages came off and I was SHOCKED to see a REAL foot sitting there. All the sudden, everything was in its right place. My foot not only looked like a foot, but most everything was firmly fused in place. The doctor told me to go out and buy shoes- any shoes I liked (well, within *reason*).
I sort of dabbled a little in shoes, but as soon as the first issue presented itself (a blister on my heel- very common for anyone with new shoes), I was over it. My doctor encouraged me to try again, but I was done. I started getting very protective about my feet. They’d been through a lot, and I didn’t feel like dealing with blisters and rubbing and irritation- I was done with it. I had spent the first twenty years of my life babying my feet and I just wanted a pair of shoes that didn’t look like big round bubbles and wouldn’t cause a problem. My brief period in which I enjoyed shoe shopping was over almost before it started.
Enter my obsession with Nike sneakers. I was thrilled that not only could I just go and buy a pair and they FIT, but that they didn’t require breaking in or careful use, etc. I could just go and buy a pair I liked and wear them. How amazing was that?!
So I did that- I stopped wearing ALL other shoes. I even wore my Nikes to my wedding- everyone who was there was very familiar with my health stuff and they would have been shocked if I came down the aisle in anything *but* my beloved Nikes.
Anyway since Nikes are the only shoes I wear, whenever I get a new pair, I deliberate. I look through them all and carefully consider the colors and the styles and everything, and then I pick out the one or two pairs that I like a lot and then order them.
And I still get a little anxious when they arrive (I order them online). I take them out of their box and leave them on the bench for a while before I’ll try them on. There’s always a tremendous fear they *won’t* fit, or my feet will look weird in them, or something might be wrong.
And finally, I slip them on, and carefully tie them, and walk. I have to admit that I *revel* in those first few steps in my new shoes. I revel in the fact I can just pull on a shoe and have it fit and have it WORK. It’s not a big process like it used to be.
And that’s what I did this weekend- I finally tried on my new shoes and wore them out.
So this week my Common Miracle is my new pair of Nikes. Silly, maybe… ordinary, yes. But every time I looked down and saw my new grey-and-turquoise sneakers on my feet this weekend, I got a little excited. New shoes- that fit!
It also reminded me that sometimes it’s OKAY to choose the less exciting things in life, to make a commitment to a simpler way of doing things (like choosing to wear sneakers all the time instead of the myriad of shoes possibilities out there) and it’s still brings a good deal of contentment.
Sure, I’ve never gotten to wear crazy cool John Fluevogs or chunky Mary Janes with bows or even a pair of flip-flops or Crocs, but I’m pretty satisfied with my pretty new Nikes.
Common Miracles is a project I started in May, 2011 to examine and discover how gratitude works in everyday life. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.
comments waterlily @ Naples Botanical Gardens
“We are all of us, always, unfurling.
… We unfurl various aspects of ourselves at different times. Unfurlings are not orchestrated, and will not be hurried along. We unfurl when we are done cocooning. We absorb the sunlight of what is calling us, and when it has filled us from within, we stretch outward and upward.
… Healing and growing happen in their own time.”
- Amy Kessel
[I actually took this photo last year - I definitely have to go back to the gardens soon... The lovely quote was found at Roots of She. Happy Friday!]
comments spring beads
Ever since December, I’ve had a sort of “creative momentum” going and I was terrified that if I didn’t keep doing *something* creative every day, even just something small, I might lose steam. But last week, when I was feel edgy and generally unsettled, I couldn’t get myself to focus on anything “new” or puzzling. So I wound up going back to something I know fairly well, something that I know always “works”, so to say- beads. I sorted beads, made some beads, stamped some beads, finished some beads, etc….
I don’t know what’s in store for these guys yet- I’m thinking a few bracelets, and then maybe some will become simple pendants on plain black cord.
It just felt good to go back to that part of my studio again- it’s been sitting and waiting for me for months.
spring beads
spring beads
comments
“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron
photo by Sumio Harada
“And my stampeding buffalo
stops in her tracks and watches the snow
falling through the old oak tree…
when you give your heart to me.”
- Laura Veirs
Welcome to week 36 of the Common Miracles project.
You’re probably wondering what’s with the buffalo picture and the lyrics…
I’ve been obsessed with the song “When You Give Your Heart to Me” for a while now, and every few months I find myself connecting with a different part of the song. This past week I kept identifying with the lyrics about the “stampeding buffalo” that “stops in her tracks and watches the snow”.
Why? Because I *totally* feel like I’ve been stomping around these last two weeks, trying to get everything done and being more than a little frustrated and unhappy and just NOT okay with the way things are lining up. It’s not been total chaos or anything, it’s just been a series of little blips that are *really* irritating me and making me cranky and edgy. It seem like every time one thing got sorted out, something else would pop up that needed attention.
But then there would be these moments of calm and peace in the midst of it all that would come out of nowhere and just change my mood for the better. Small things, like the sun coming out after a few hours of gray clouds, the way my garden is blooming like crazy despite the weather, the smell of hazelnut tea, a cat curled up on my lap, seeing a fabulous move (The Artist- I will probably write more about it later in the week), something sweet or funny that Gracie said, etc. I would suddenly feel like everything was fine, or at least everything was going to *be* fine, and life would soon get back to a state of general calm.
These are not huge things- not at all. They were just everyday moments, but the impact they had was positive, at least for the moment. They *helped*. They were the things that stopped my internal “stampeding buffalo”, even just for a minute. And the relief was pretty profound.
And I tried to focus on them, and then I started realizing I could seek some of them out. A cup of tea is almost always available, Gracie’s (usually) eager to chat, there’s a stack of great books on my bedside table waiting to be read, etc. So why aren’t I choosing these things more often? I know I come back to this topic often (cultivating gratitude, or creating an environment for gratitude), but I seem to lose sight of it every few weeks only to rediscover it again.
I can’t really change the big picture, I can be a little more conscious about the decisions I make, and the way that those decisions can influence the *conditions* of my daily life. I mean, having a hot cup of tea besides me as I do paperwork won’t make the paperwork magically go away, or make the process any less irritating, but it will make *me* a lot less miserable during the hour I have to spend on it.
“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt
I really need to be doing more of this. More awareness. More conscious decisions towards things that bring comfort and peace, especially when life feels a little messy. More *choosing* the light and less cursing (and stomping around in) the darkness.
Common Miracles is a project I started in May, 2011 to examine and discover how gratitude works in everyday life. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.
comments ... start with your own secret self ...
“We are so accustomed to disguising our true nature from others, that we end up disguising it from ourselves.”
- La Rochefoucauld“If you’re interested in the door to the heavens opening, start with the door to your own secret self.”
- Elizabeth Lesser
[photo credit: National Geographic Stock CD]
commentsThese are the first few pages from my new winter/spring 2012 art journal.
don't lose yourself... (inspired by a Laura Veirs song)
Doing Circles (inspired by Tegan & Sara song)
I’ve been art journaling pretty much on a daily basis, and keeping myself very busy in our family/regular life routines and stuff, but I’m having sort of a rough time of things this month.
It’s nothing external (well, besides a few small unknowns having to do with travel and things like that) but it feels a little overwhelming. Usually I can rationalize it or process it or find the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when it’s just *small* stuff, but something about the way things are at the moment, the little things piling up (stupid stuff like needing a haircut but putting it off, the pool chemicals being off so the water is cloudy, the weather has been funky, need to take care of some small paper work issues but can’t until someone else takes care of their end, etc.) it’s almost *too* much. I manage to smooth it out every day, but I am getting exhausted from that daily routine of tying up all the lose ends, I suppose.
Why am I telling you all this? My pages clearly reflect my discomfort, at least to my eye. But I’m glad I’m still journaling- when I look back on the pages I did LAST January, I can see that some of the same things were going on and it makes me feel tremendously better, because it’s just the way January *is* around here.
Botanical Gardens trip
what IS it about January?
a reminder to show some kindness to myself...
Thanks, as always, for looking.
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"what does it mean to thrive?" art journal page
“My resolution is to let go of what I think I know now, and what I think I want, and embrace the gray area. This can only be done by letting the thoughts marinate, and let the resolutions come from a place of stillness. The big accomplishments are not always going to be what lights you up, and if you don’t let yourself ask for what you truly want, then no one will ask for you.” – Azita Ardakani
Thoughts & Resolutions…
Above is an art journal page I did last week about the word “thrive”, which is my one little word for 2012. I just sort of went with it, and that’s what came out…
I guess I don’t want to *define* the idea of “thriving” too much, if that makes any sense- I sort of want to let it flow the way it will. But there are definitely things that I know I want to and need to encompass into this process if there is any thriving to be done. So I have been ruminating on it a little bit. Here’s what I have come up with so far…
- To draw and paint more. OUTSIDE the safe boundaries of the art journal. If this means doing circle drawings all year, so be it. But I want to explore being more contemplative about the work I do. My goal is to do one drawing/painting a week for 2012. I’ll post about it to keep myself accountable.
- To figure out what “being an artist” means and why the heck I am so hesitant to claim that title for myself and really *believe* it. I feel like an imposter.
- Also, I want to expore “The Etsy Shop Thing” and what my resistance is to having my own Etsy shop. I have a few people who have sincerely asked me about acquiring my beads and prints of some of my work- not just out of kindness, but because they have specific purposes for those things and truly want them. I give a lot away, but one of my friends told me she’d much rather *buy* them because then she would feel free to buy as much she needed and when she needed it. It would be a freedom for her to have that access to my beads. So why do I feel so blocked about sending my stuff out into the world in that way?
- I want to contribute more. I loved writing for Bliss Habits and I’d love to continue to do that. I’d also like to contribute to some sort of creative group project on a regular basis and/or contribute somewhere as an Art Historian. While I know creative team member might be out of the mix because I’m not dedicated to any style or product line, I would love to be a part of some regular creative challenge or group.
- Continue to grow spiritually and philosophically, and to regularly practice gratitude, mindfulness, meditation, and general awareness. I already signed up for Awakening Joy 2012. Even though I didn’t complete it last year, I can say with honesty that I TRULY invested myself in the lessons I learned the first three months (intention, mindfulness, and gratitude) and spent most of the year really investigating and implementing those things.
- I want to read more poetry. Actually, I want to read more, period. A book a week, and then post about it here. There are situations when I am sitting around and surfing the internet, idly watching TV, waiting for something, being a spectator, etc. and during those times, I could be reading. And I know I would enjoy that moment so much more if my nose was in a good book. So my resolution is to make an effort to keep a book in reach at all times.
- To savor. To indulge a tiny bit more. I started doing that over the holidays (a bottle of shower gel here, a new tin of tea there, a small order of art supplies every so often) and it didn’t lead into some retail-therapy-shame-spiral, so I am going to do a little bit more of it. But I also want to enjoy and regularly use the things I own and love, as well.
- To continue to stretch my wings as a gardener. A few times this year, Tom got me what I consider to be “complicated” plants- the kind that are more investments than the ones from the $1.50 range I usually pick out from myself. He knew I would NEVER buy them for myself, and not only was it thoughtful, it also showed me he had a lot of confidence in me. And I’ve REALLY enjoyed that challenge. I mean, I treat all my plants like they are $25 or $50 plants, but it was thrilling to see my hydrangea (which terrified me at first!), my little bonsai tree, and my dwarf hibiscus bush take off after I received them, repotted them, and cared for them.
- To continue to swim daily, and understand that I do it not only for the physical benefits, but also the mental benefits. There is nothing more challenging than spending two and a half hours every day as a captive audience to my thoughts. But those two and a half hours are a huge source of creative ideas, emotional breakthroughs, and the TRUTH. They are also exhausting. But in the best way.
- To be a good mom, a good partner, a good friend, a good caregiver, a good *person* in the ways that only I can.
comments
“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron
painting by Gerhard Richter
Welcome to week 35 of the Common Miracles project.
As the new year started in earnest this week, and life returned to “normal” (meaning busy, chaotic, etc.), I realized something about gratitude: gratitude absolutely has to coexist with other emotions/states of mind.
Let me explain a little…
This week, we had a few service people come through our house. It was kind of a busy week, and I was irritated not only by the fact we had to sort of stop everything to accommodate them when they arrived, but also that we were sort of stuck to their schedule (and their four-hour window of arrival time).
But on the other hand- they were coming to repair things, to help us out, to make our lives much easier. So I was very grateful for them and their skills. I wasn’t trying to find gratitude in the situation- I just felt it. I was glad they were coming and fixing things.
I don’t know why (maybe because I was swimming and I do a lot of thinking when I swim- there’s nothing *else* to do, quite honestly) but I started letting the gratitude and irritation sort of “go at it” in my head a little bit. SHOULD my gratitude be enough that it nulls out the irritation? Or is irritation the dominant force simply because negative emotions always seem stronger and a little more all-consuming?
And then, the question- always this same question- am I doing this right, this gratitude thing?
After going over it for a while, I realized that the two emotions simply needed to co-exist. That they *could* co-exist. One isn’t bigger and more powerful than the other- they are simply two very different emotions that existed inside me at the very same time. They both evolved and grew and went different ways on their own- after the service person left, the irritation faded, but the gratitude stayed.
I know this may seem very basic, but for me it was a pretty big discovery. It’s not one or the other- it’s not like if I am stuck in a not-so-great situation I have to shut down the negative response to it in order to make room for the gratitude. I like the fact that gratitude sort of carves its own little space and exists on its own, and is open to me finding it and tun