Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentine’s Day*

By Jessica / 28 comments »

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I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s day. It has never, ever gone my way. EVER.

2nd grade: Every girl in class got a flower but me. They ran out and my last name started with a W.

5th grade: I got 17 carnations because I was the first girl to get actual boobs. And from then on I became the most hated girl in 5th grade.

8th grade: My “boyfriend” broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day.

10th grade: I broke up with my first real boyfriend right before Valentine’s Day and he still gave me a huge teddy bear and begged for me back in the school parking lot and when I said no he cried…and then his Mother showed up and begged me to take her son back….all in front of the new guy I liked. Talk about wanting to be swallowed up by a hole in the earth.    P.S. To make matters worse he was a senior and I was a sophomore.  P.S.S. No I don’t want to talk about why I was dating such a loser.

12th grade: I got stood up. It wasn’t on purpose or anything…he was in a car accident. No really, he was. I had to go give him a ride home. But the 30 minutes of sitting in a restaurant all alone on vday waiting for your date to show up? Excruciatingly painful.

And now today, Sunday, I was just informed that I will be all alone for Valentine’s Day. Jorge apparently had a last minute work change and will be flying out to Atlanta on Monday night to avoid the shame of not having a cool gift like these for me for work. It all really sucks…because V-Day is one of the big reasons people get married. Don’t believe me? I promise getting married comes down to three big reasons, #1: having a guaranteed date for Valentine’s Day, #2 The Gifts, and #3 the whole not dying alone part.

But I digress to a more important topic than me whining about why I hate Dooms Day Valentine’s Day and how I am going to spend it with a big bottle of Merlot. I have a surprise for all my single ladies out there! His name is Ethan and he wants to take you on a date! He has cooked up a 3 course meal, promises to do the dishes, and he’s cute! AND he is a food blogger! So don’t tell me I never gave you anything, because here he is, your get out of V-Day hell card!


*I have been getting lots of emails lately lecturing me about things I am writing about or saying here on this blog. I would like to state that this blog is full of sarcasm. For example, do I really think that cynically of marriage? No. Is it funny to write like that? Yes. If you don’t think so, please don’t email me saying you don’t. I don’t care. Move onto another blog please! Smooches!

Posted In Personal Life
28 comments / leave a comment »
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28 Responses to “Valentine’s Day”

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    Haley — February 13, 2011 @ 3:20 am

    My husband has to work on Valentine’s day. For 13 hours. And he had to work this whole weekend. Oh, and he has to work 13 hour shifts for the rest of the week too.

    Lame!

    But I guess cuddling up with a big bowl of chocolate ice cream and a movie by myself won’t be all so bad.. spacer

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    Rachel @ Baked by Rachel — February 13, 2011 @ 9:24 am

    LOL I clicked over immediately from my reader after seeing the picture. It’s just another day in my book. Never really been a fan – overpriced flowers, expensive meals blah blah. I know some that love it and can’t wait for it every year though.

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    Suzy — February 13, 2011 @ 11:17 am

    I LOVE the picture! V-day has just been another day for me…my husband works tomorrow, then he’ll come home, we’ll have dinner, play with the kids and that will be it. I ‘might’ get a card. *shrugs*

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    Lindsay @ The Lean Green Bean — February 13, 2011 @ 11:20 am

    omg that first picture made me laugh out loud. i LOVE your blog and your sarcasm. keep up the good work spacer may i suggest a little anti valentine’s day party for yourself tomorrow where you sit in the dark wearing all black and get drunk?! xoxo

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    Leah (So, How's It Taste?) — February 13, 2011 @ 11:32 am

    Hilarious post! I love your musings!

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      Leah (So, How's It Taste?) replied: — February 13th, 2011 @ 11:34 am

      Oh and the shoes, fabulous, and Ethan, very cute, so thank you! lol

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    Nicole Maki — February 13, 2011 @ 11:43 am

    That has got to be the greatest picture EVER!

    I love your sarcasm and your wit. Don’t let the other goofballs get you down. There are always lecturers… and they suck spacer

    Any chance I could share the pic you posted on my blog? I’ll credit back to you of course (cause I’m not a jerk!)

    perky nihilist at g mail dot com

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    Lisa (Dishes of Mrs. Fish) — February 13, 2011 @ 11:44 am

    My husband is out of town in Atlanta too. I’m not super pumped for the day either. I’m going to coach Girls on the Run that day, and hang out with my dog. Not bad, but not really the first married Valentine’s Day I had dreamed up in my head. spacer

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    Ethan — February 13, 2011 @ 11:56 am

    Hi Jess,
    you’re right, it doesn’t sound like you’ve had much luck with Valentine’s day, but I love your attempt at having a sense of humor about it all. I too haven’t had the best Feb. 14′s in the past, so that’s why I decided to write what I wrote…you know that whole positive thinking stuff!
    Thanks for including me in your Valentine’s Day post. If I could make someone smile, then I’ve already done my job:)
    I’m giving out flowers in reverse alphabetical order just for you:) Happy Valentine’s Day!

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    CindyMac — February 13, 2011 @ 12:13 pm

    What fun would life be with NO sarcasm? Pretty boring way to go if you ask me….

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    Sam LaM — February 13, 2011 @ 12:49 pm

    Boyfriend is out of town for work. He’s been gone a week and will be gone for another seven-ish weeks. Not only is he out of town, but we only really have email and once or twice a week phone calls.
    BUT, the big reason I hate Valentine’s Day is because my birthday is only three days before it, which means that the wallet of whatever man I’m with that year gets the shaft. I stopped celebrating 9 years ago and have never looked back.

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    ErinsFoodFiles — February 13, 2011 @ 1:08 pm

    More readers = more haters. spacer You must be doing something right!

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    Melissa Bakes — February 13, 2011 @ 1:49 pm

    I agree with you and I love your writing style so keep up the sarcasm! spacer

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    Joanne — February 13, 2011 @ 2:05 pm

    Personally, I love the sarcasm. Keep it up.

    Secondly, I am not so pleased with V-Day either. It seems prejudiced against me. I plan on pretending that it doesn’t exist.

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    Evan Thomas — February 13, 2011 @ 2:07 pm

    You’re a very funny and talented writer; I’ve been able to tell that only from reading for the past month or so. I’ve been fortunate not to have such bad like for Valentine’s Day. Also haven’t had much good luck but from the sounds of these experiences no luck is good luck.

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    Sharlene — February 13, 2011 @ 2:24 pm

    This is hysterical. Never change.

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    Maria @ The Fitted Apron — February 13, 2011 @ 6:47 pm

    I hate sarcasm (eye roll)! spacer

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    Megan — February 13, 2011 @ 10:34 pm

    I LOVE reading your posts. I’m just as sarcastic and it’s, dare I say, refreshing to see someone else that’s just as much. Don’t change one bit! Hilariously entertaining. If people don’t know you’re joking then wow. And if people feel the need to complain about what you’re writing on YOUR blog, then bigger wow.

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    Eliana — February 13, 2011 @ 11:00 pm

    Don’t change anything about the way you blog girl. I love it!

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    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book — February 14, 2011 @ 12:02 am

    Quite honestly I think Valentines Day is just a money making scheme. spacer Mandy

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    White Chocolate Clementine Cookies » The Novice Chef Blog — February 14, 2011 @ 12:04 am

    [...] know it’s Valentine’s Day. But in case you missed it, you won’t be seeing any of that cupid crap here. Instead today I thought we could talk about [...]

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    Karen Harris — February 14, 2011 @ 9:44 am

    I like your blog, sarcasm and all. Don’t change a word, there are some of us out here who have a sense of humor. I called my beloved relatives in South Texas babies because of their reaction to their 20 degree weather and got a snarky comment on my blog. Imagine what she would have said if I would have called them what I wanted to!

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    Melba — February 14, 2011 @ 10:14 am

    I LOVE it! I will bookmark your site: )

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    Just Jen — February 14, 2011 @ 1:27 pm

    I get your humor and I love it! I’ve been with my husband almost 6 years (married for almost 2) and I’ve NEVER really cared for Valentine’s day. Not one person can explain to me why I should suddenly feel extra-lovey-dove towards my mate on 2/14 than any other day? Unless it is the day that you met your mate, I don’t get it.

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    Anna Johnston — February 14, 2011 @ 5:36 pm

    Awwhhh, poor “us”. My guy had a business trip too. Had a giggle or two about V Day’s of past with ya kid. Your going to have some stories to tell one day…, I’m imaging a play….. hilarious spacer

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    Adilah — February 20, 2011 @ 6:31 pm

    Love love love your blog! im a subscriber and I totally agree about V-day being sucky.

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    Jessica — June 15, 2011 @ 2:39 am

    Girl, Dont you remember whats his name( Bobby I think ) breaking up with me on vday. LOL! and lets be clear I have spent the last 2 vdays alone, just goes to show marriage does not solve the never being alone on vday theory! and dont ask why I didnt see this months ago, but I love it and all the sarcasm you can dish out! Plus the goodies I get to make! <3 you!

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    Diana — October 20, 2011 @ 4:53 pm

    LMAO I love you….screw v-day….mine never go right either!

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