Kings lost 2-1 tonight to the Florida Panthers. The offense was offensive. Anemic. Pathetic. I find it coincidental about 5 minutes after I screamed on twitter that the L.A. Kings need to activate the fucking defense (D1 specifically) because they are down 2-0, Jim Fox wouldn’t stop talking about it on the telecast. Maybe he was listening. Maybe it was obvious to everyone but the Kings. Maybe a team struggling to score goals needs to have that aggressive mentality from the DROP of the PUCK. Ugh.

Different topic.

I am not advocating. I am asking questions.

The L.A. Kings don’t want to sign Jeff Carter because he is a one-dimensional offensive forward?

So was Ilya Kovalchuk.

The L.A. Kings don’t want to take on that 10 + year, $5 million dollar + cap hit of Jeff Carter?

But they reportedly offered Ilya Kovalchuk $80 million for 15 years.

Jeff Carter is not a leader, he is not a Dean Lombardi “character” player?

Neither was Ilya Kovalchuk. Continue reading →

The Mayor has heard it.

Matt Barry has heard it.

We have heard it.

Willie Mitchell is getting an extension soon.

He is 35 this April. Spring chicken he is not.

He does have a concussion history. He has been healthy this seasons. Knock wood. If the L.A. Kings past and luck is any indicator, within a few weeks of the ink being dry on that extension, we will lose Willie to the dreaded _____ body injury. You fill in the blank.

Mitchell has a cap hit of $3.5 million. That is a lot of dough for a mid 30′s defenseman but one thing Willie Mitchell brings to the L.A. Kings defense is consistency and respect. He and that extra long stick keep crashing forwards away and clear pucks from around the crease. While nobody will mistake him for Shea Weber, Willie is the reason offensive defenseman like Drew Doughty and, more recently, Slava Voynov can take the role of the active D1.

Willie has value. How much? Continue reading →

Last time we played Florida, we won. Kevin Dineen whined. A lot.

(on the game recap…) “We thoroughly outplayed them. They were trying to run around and chase us and hack us and slash us. When you are getting outplayed as badly as they were, that’s the response. We walk out of here feeling very good about the way we played and we move forward from there.’’

(on the goaltending…) “Goaltending was a strong point at both ends of the ice. There was plenty of opportunities and their goalie [Jonathan Quick] certainly got them a couple of points and Theo [Jose Theodore] gave us every chance to win.’’

(on the physicality of the game…) “We didn’t need to get physical. All they were trying to do was cross=check and they [the referees] let a lot of things go late in the game. When you are outplaying a team by a wide margin, you stick with what was working for you and they had a real tough time handling our speed.’’

Sans the whining, he wasn’t too far off. The L.A. Kings did get outplayed for most of the game and Jonathan Quick was outstanding.

You may recall that was also the game we lost Mike Richards to a concussion. Continue reading →

Hammond recently gave us another C- interview, this time with Dean Lombardi. You may recall I hold a Doctorate in Lombardi Speak so I thought I would navigate us through.

I asked Lombardi whether the dynamics of the deadline will allow the Kings to significantly improve…

LOMBARDI: “As the season moves along, people have a better handle on which direction they want to go.

There are buyers and sellers

There’s two things that can happen. One, obviously, is a team just strictly downsizing, like we did five years ago, and just saying, `Let’s get picks.’

There are sellers who are rebuilding.

Secondly, you might have a philosophical change and just say, `It’s not a downsizing, per se, but we want a change to change the structure of our roster.’ So it’s not a rental, per se. It’s different.

There are sellers who are not rebuilding. Continue reading →

Dustin Penner. Pencakes. I should criticize him more often. What a game from the flying fridge. Hustle & heart, getting in front of the play, aggressive on the forecheck, back checking for goodness sake and burying one off a work, work, work play by Mike Richards who fed Penner the puck. I am going to enjoy this game for a couple of days but I still don’t believe he has it in him to do it on a consistent basis.

Anze Kopitar. Kopistar. Big Kop. Our young Joe Thornton. That deflection took a deft touch and kudos to Justin Williams timing his shot so well. It almost looked like a set play. Let’s see if we get that again.

Kyle Clifford. Redemption. After an aggressive but still undisciplined penalty, Cliffy made that breakaway look easy. Deke, tuck, and the patented Clifford goal celebration. Cliffy has looked like a different player under Sutter. Catch fire, Kyle. Our young Adam Graves.

But despite these three scoring the goals, the player that gets maximum love is Willie Mitchell. Continue reading →

The Kings are near the top of the league in fewest goals against. Their offense is ranked 30th.

The Lightning are near the top of the league in offense and goals scored. Their defense is ranked 30th.

Each team sucks for different reasons.

Tonight, one team will suck less.

Who will it be?

It makes me sad to say that Jarret Stoll and Dustin Penner are very close to reaching a “dead to me” status. If I am Mike Richards, I look to my left and right and wonder what the hell I did to deserve these two as my wings.

If Jarret ever wants to wear an L.A. Kings jersey beyond this season, he will get his floating and offensively challenged ass in gear. I wonder if the arthritis and/or hand injuries he had last season have taken a toll or an unspoken turn for the worst. I don’t see him even trying to get open for the shot anymore.

As for Penner, eat more pancakes. Continue reading →

Look, it’s no secret Surly & I have one sport – hockey. That’s it. We are monogamous, though more than a little sadomasochistic.

The problem with this super “bowl” thing (other than it makes me think of weed) is you can’t get away from it. It’s like an airborne virus…a boring one. Anyway, here is what I learned.

It’s actually not played by puppies.

A goal is called a touchdown, even though you don’t touch anything once you score and the idea is to stay upright.

A goal is 7 points. The final score of tonight’s game was 21-17. It’s a 3 – 2.3333 league.

There is also a “field” goal, which is less than a goal. It’s like hitting the post and getting almost half a goal. I hope Gary Bettman isn’t reading this. Don’t want to give him any ideas.

The team called the Patriots is from “New England.” I am glad the dipshits lost. Pick a State.

This is their trophy. Continue reading →

Think of the game of hockey. Easy enough.

Picture the last ten Kings games. A bipolar affair.

Imagine there were none before it and the playoffs started now. Why?

Now say we play Phoenix next game and we win. Their season is now over.

You have to wait a week for the next Kings game. It’s against San Jose. We win! Niemi had an off night but too bad, no more hockey in Northern California for 4 months.

Another week drags by and we play Detroit. Oh boy. The game goes to OT and we win on a questionable call by the referee. yippee!

No hockey now for two weeks. Crosby’s team hasn’t even seen the ice for almost a month but still, every damn radio and tv station won’t shut up about him. The Kings are all set to play the Bruins. One game, winner take all. People are excited about the game but even more so, millions set their DVRs so they don’t miss the $4 million Big Bear Mountain Ski Resort commercial. I hear it has singing dogs and monkeys masturbating.

Continue reading →

Surly called me up from wherever the fuck he is with his fiance to tell me he has a transcript of a call between Dean Lombardi and Don Meehan. So I asked him…

Me: What, from the summer? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that now?

Surly: No, dumb shit. From a couple of nights ago. I must have forgotten to take the tap off Lombardi’s phone and when I checked out the recorder and transcriber machine before I left, I found gold!

Me: You tapped his phone?

Surly: Yes…

Me: Did I know that?

Surly: Do you want this fucking thing or not?

Me: Send it over.

So, here it is boys and girls.

[phone rings]

Meehan: hello?

Lombardi: Hey jerkoff… Continue reading →

I do some of my best thinking when I’m angry. So, I was reading about the Oilers and it got me thinking…

Did you know this girl in high school? The one you would never date but her daddy was rich, she wore nice clothes, drove a real nice car, was popular and hung out with the “hot” versions of the other rich girls but she came with two major drawbacks – one she was ugly and two she thought she was all that because of her family’s money. I knew this girl in high school and her name was Edie (pronounced “EE-DEE”). More and more, I think the Edmonton Oilers are her.

Edie dated this kid. Everybody knew him and he was well liked. Not really a jock but a good athlete, had a 70′s hairstyle which we could never figure out but it worked for him, some even thought he and Edie were a good fit together and she had finally found someone compatible but for some reason, out of the blue, she dumped him. Poor guy, he cried and cried, he must have really liked her, go figure. He started dating other girls and finally landed a hot little mama from L.A. whose daddy was even more rich but who had some emotional baggage, was kind of that dumb smart girl who could never really get out of her own way and get it together but knew how to party and was fun. Anyway, back on topic, he ended up cheating on the L.A. girl and he got back together with Edie. She seemed happy. He was happy or so we thought until we heard she may dump him again…as long as we don’t have to watch the fucker cry, we don’t care. Ryan Smyth. Continue reading →

So, take this article from Friday night’s game…

Make Blues – Hurricanes.

Make score 2-1 instead of 1-0.

Add much better first period.

Add a sprinkle of average goaltending in short bursts.

And you get an L.A. Kings offense that beat an L.A. Kings team.

Why? Continue reading →

We are in Carolina. They have a 19-25-9 record and they are last in the Eastern Conference. That doesn’t mean they suck…well, they kind of suck but they’re still a good team. Hell, they have beaten the Bruins 3 times this season.

Their captain and center Eric Staal leads them in points. Their coveted left wing Tuomo Ruutu leads them in goals. Goalie Cam Ward has a goals against average of 2.80 although the fucker is in fuego the last 5 games and the Canes are 3-1-1. In other words, we are playing a bad team who is hot. Continue reading →