Why It Must Hurt Before Anything Else Happens

January 17, 2012 · 46 comments

spacer

Is the pain getting too much?

*NOTE: Before I get into today’s guest post, I wanted to direct you towards a guest post of mine that has recently been published over at Ken Wert’s place, Meant To Be Happy. I hope you enjoy!*

This is a guest post by Jake O’Callaghan

Pain As The Barrier

I couldn’t think about it. I just had to do it. For 20 minutes I lifted my leg for 10 seconds, rested 15 seconds, then did it again. Electric shocks went through my knee the entire time.

It was painful. I had been through knee surgery just a few weeks before. My knee wouldn’t work, but I was making it work.

2 weeks before, I was lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. There were times when the pain got to be too much, and I cried. It was after a few days of this that I gave up. I didn’t want to do anything anymore.

When I got to physical therapy, the therapist gave me some advice. “Use it.” I thought he was crazy. Use it? I emphasized that the pain was a 10 out of 10. But he insisted.

The next day I got out of bed and walked without crutches. It was the most pain I ever faced. But I didn’t cry. In fact, I felt better. Instead of laying passively feeling sorry for myself, I was doing something.

I kept it up and for every hour I worked, the pain went down. It was a sigh of relief to everyone.

Comfort Leads To Pain

Instead of cowering from pain, I embraced it. Instead of taking the easy path, I went the hard way.

And that’s what made it feel better in the long run. The more I worked hard in the short-term, the better I felt. If I babied it on the other hand, the pain didn’t go down, it increased.

Through surgery I learned an important lesson:  being comfortable is nice and easy in the short run, but it leads to pain in the long run.

This – I think – is the process that happens to many adults. They start out feeling optimistic. They dream and feel passion. But as life goes by and as the pain and failure becomes more and more, they just give up. They become passive. They lie in bed, passively treading through life.

Pain Leads To Happiness

How does one fight this fate? By making changes. By trying new things and facing pain. And by understanding that this path can be painful, especially in the beginning.

But compared to the alternative, it’s nothing. You may avoid short-term pain, but you will feel it long-term. You will suffer regret that you didn’t take the pain to gain long-term satisfaction.

No one wants to face pain. So it’s understandable that I didn’t want to do it either. But I finally gave in and did, and facing the pain made me stronger. Eventually, it also made me happy.

Eating that cake is easy and nice now. Skipping physical therapy is nice now. But both lead to pain both physically and mentally in the long-run, and this is often worse.

Most people don’t understand this important aspect of change. That things often hurt before they get better. Ask a person who dropped 30 pounds. Ask an ex-smoker. The thing is, the most important changes are often the hardest. They hurt – no one says they don’t.

But it’s short-term pain. It may hurt to do leg raises when your knee can barely move. It may hurt to quit your life-sucking job or leave the relationship that’s holding you back. But the long term effects of not doing this things hurts much, much more.

So start today. You don’t need to make a major change right now. You don’t need to run a marathon. You just need to make the effort to make change. You can make a tiny change.

And you can start on a large or hard change slowly. What’s important is that you make the effort to change, and that you keep it up for the long run.

I have to do daily physical therapy for over 6 months (starting 2 days after surgery). It’s a long time. But I can keep it up, and I know you can keep up your change, no matter how hard or how long it takes.

And remember that you have permission. You have it from me, and you have it from others. Get up. Create a life that’s great, that’s beautiful, that changes the world. I know you can do it.

Jake O’Callaghan is passionate about teaching and helping people change. Slowchange is his blog on making simple, lasting change. zenteen is a blog he created to help teens simplify and deal with the crazy teenage life.

 

Image courtesy of Revelife

Buffer

{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }

spacer Tammy January 17, 2012

So true! When I was recovering from knee surgery (my mid-aged body did not appreciate my competitive dance training regiment!), I found that from time to time I would have waves of pain. OMG it was bad. My instinct was to recoil and try to resist it. Doing so made it worse. Once I finally gave into it and just allowed it to happen. It hurt less and inspired me to move more!

I also have found how this also applies in real life. So often I don’t realize that I am in pain. Most of my big changes in life have been after I had a sudden flash of how painful my situation actually was. I used that pain to inspire me to get off the couch (sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally) and get moving.

I hope your recovery goes well and that your inspiration carries with you through all aspects of your life.
Tammy recently posted..Different Times Equal Different People

Reply

spacer Jake O'Callaghan January 18, 2012

Tammy I greatly appreciate your compassion.

It seems you didn’t need this article at all. You’ve learned through experience that it is often more painful to avoid pain.
Jake O’Callaghan recently posted..Your awesome future self

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Tammy, sorry for the late reply,

Giving in is something that doesn’t come naturally when we’re so used to resisting and putting up a fight, but when we do finally accept that what we’re experiencing it, and embrace it even to a degree, we are able to transcend it and move on with our situation. Once we move forward, we stand a better chance of resolving it.

Thanks for commenting spacer

Reply

spacer Bryan January 18, 2012

Great post Jake, and welcome to UnlocktheDoor. How true – comfort is dangerous, and if we’re not careful, we get dependent on others to make us happy. And then we get lazy, and at some point, some of that miserable laziness MUST cause us to move or die. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

And hello, Stu! Hope you’re well!
Bryan recently posted..Have You Kept Your Resolution? Here are 4 Ways to Create Lasting Change

Reply

spacer Jake O'Callaghan January 18, 2012

Bryan I have seen that laziness creep slowly and steadily especially as we age (children care little for comfort). I find many people prefer comfort to living – as you said, resulting in immaterial death.

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Bryan, how are you? Sorry for the late response,

Comfort is good to a degree when we need it to rest, once too much of a good thing can lead to us becoming fat and lazy from it. Balancing pain and pleasure keeps us well.

Take care my friend spacer

Reply

spacer Josh Sarz January 18, 2012

In comfort, we won’t find anything to push us to become better. Although comfort is a great thing, it could cause you to become stagnant. Good job jake.
Josh Sarz recently posted..How Other People’s Writing Shaped My Life

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Josh, sorry for the late reply,

You’re right, comfort is good for resting, but it doesn’t improve us. We only improve when we push through our current limits, to then stretch onto greater limits. If we don’t do this, we fail to grow and so our appetite withers, whilst our frustration grows.

Thanks for stopping by my friend spacer

Reply

spacer Maria January 18, 2012

I think that there is another aspect to the change problem: our hyperactive culture with all of its distractions can make change difficult. In my opinion, you have to act, but you have to also select the right actions. It is very easy to be busy without really moving forward. I think that that is a pitfall of our modern age that I thought deserved mentioning.

Congratulations on your recovery.

Reply

spacer Jake O'Callaghan January 18, 2012

I completely agree. So often we try to be busy doing trivial things. I can tell you from experience, to create something or do something important doesn’t take up a whole day, just an hour or two of daily work.

I used to be busy wasting time. Now I wake up and do something worthwhile. It’s great that you brought up this point.
Jake O’Callaghan recently posted..Your awesome future self

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Maria, sorry for the late response,

I agree that we have to slow down sometimes in order to see where we are – it’s similar to driving. We can’t see where we are if we’re moving too fast. In order to reflect on our life and learn more about our current location on our journeys, we have to stop and look around, and look inside of us.

Take care spacer

Reply

spacer Dalai Lina January 18, 2012

This is a great article, Jake. I think we underestimate our “pain” tolerance and fear going through it. We also underestimate our capacity for happiness on the other side.

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Lina, sorry for the late response,

I like your last sentence – we DO underestimate the potential for happiness on the other side. The barrier of pain just seems too ugly.

Thanks for stopping by!

Reply

spacer Dalai Lina January 26, 2012

Of course! Always a pleasure.
Dalai Lina recently posted..Here’s and extra thought for you…

Reply

spacer Kari January 18, 2012

This is a great lesson. If you want anything in life then you have to step out of your comfort zone. This includes everything from people looking to find love all the way to success in business. You have to push through the fear and pain and get excited about what is at the other end.

Lot’s of talk about building habits and achieving goals in the New Year, and this post fits in perfectly!
Kari recently posted..Chakra Cleansing – The Solar Plexus

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Kari, sorry for the late reply,

Getting excited about what the future may hold is something not many of us do that often, the preoccupation often lies with getting through the stresses of the day. Not much happiness can be found there.

Thanks for commenting!

Reply

spacer Craig McBreen January 19, 2012

Hi Jake,

And welcome to Unlock the Door. Congrats on the post. Whenever I’ve embraced discomfort and felt a little bit of pain, well those were the times I achieved the most and the times I remember the most.

Complacency is dangerous no doubt. It’s so easy to get in a comfortable rut, and that’s exactly what it is. Comfort leads to stagnation, so get out, get uncomfortable and experience life.
Craig McBreen recently posted..Want to be insanely creative?

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Craig, sorry for the late reply,

Thanks for welcoming Jake here, it’s been wonderful to feature a wise and intriguing post. Jake has been through pain to write this post, and it’s the better for the richness of his experiences!

Take care my friend spacer

Reply

spacer Angela Artemis/Poweredbyintuition January 19, 2012

Jake,
What a great post! You are so right to point out that taking the easy way out now will come back to cause pain later. Take your lumps now so that your future path is wide and open to joy!
Thank you,
Angela
Angela Artemis/Poweredbyintuition recently posted..7 Tips to Finding Your Breakthrough Idea

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Angela, sorry for the late reply,

The easy way out always looks enticing from where we stand, but who’s to say it’s the best path in the long run? Sometimes the path of thorns will bear the most fruit.

Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for inviting me into Blogger’s Alliance. I promise I’ll return in full force soon spacer

Reply

spacer Hajra January 19, 2012

Hey Jake,

Welcome to UTD! And you bring in such wisdom in the first post! Congratulations on the recovery not only physically but also on spirits. My father is going through a serious knee trouble and the pain is making him go through such terrible physical and emotional pain that it is painful even to see him go through it, It makes me irritable, very depressed at time and sometimes it brings about this huge amount of guilt of not having taken care of himself in the first place (which is a huge mis-assumption, he was and is very active and particular about his physical health) but the physical pain makes me lose hope and stay positive.

I will definitely make him read this. It will send some positive feelings through him.

Thank you!
Hajra recently posted..Will they call you over for a bloggers party?

Reply

spacer Jake O'Callaghan January 21, 2012

I’m glad the post has impacted you. I wish the best for you and your father.
Jake O’Callaghan recently posted..Your awesome future self

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Hajra, sorry for the late response,

I hope your father is recovering well? I’m confident this post will have some form of good effect on him if he reads it, there’s healing in reading!

Take care Hajra, and best wishes for you and your family spacer

Reply

spacer Hajra January 25, 2012

Hey Stu,

You were busy! I saw the updates spacer

My dad is much better now, thank you very much! He did enjoy the post a lot and is trying for the change! Thanks once again!
Hajra recently posted..Will they call you over for a bloggers party?

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Thanks, glad you understand!

And that’s great to hear Hajra, let’s hope your Dad gets back to his fighting self spacer

Reply

spacer Cathy | Treatment Talk January 19, 2012

Hi Jake,

Wonderful post about how to take it slow which will benefit you in the long. When we take things one step at a time, we get better results. Take care.
Cathy | Treatment Talk recently posted..How to Find Your Way Through Fear

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Cathy, sorry for the late reply,

One thing at a time always yields a long-lasting set of results, possibly because we take the time to work through the procedure fully, embracing each step. In any case, your words ring true.

Thanks for commenting!

Reply

spacer Hiten January 20, 2012

I loved this post Jake. Really well written mate!

The biggest lesson I take from your post is the short term satisfaction one gains from avoiding pain will create more pain in the long term. This is very powerful.
Hiten recently posted..Stuttering Hub connects with 2achieveyourgoals.com

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Hiten, sorry for the late response,

I’m happy that you have been able to take such a lesson from this, Jake wrote wonderfully well on the richness within pain.

Take care, and thanks for commenting spacer

Reply

spacer Paige | simple mindfulness January 21, 2012

The examples throughout our lives are endless. It’s always the same:

short term pain = long term gain
and the inverse:
short term gain = long term pain.

In my opinion, the pain of getting out of our comfort zones and doing what’s somewhat painful is always worth it.
Paige | simple mindfulness recently posted..How to Create Your Best Year Ever – One Conscious Choice at a Time

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Paige, sorry for the late response,

The principle is true for the majority of instances – if we choose short-term satisfaction, we must experience a long-term pain at some point, and vice-versa. This could be called the circle of life, but it usually plays out well.

Thanks for stopping by!

Reply

spacer Farrell January 21, 2012

I hope you will be able to recover fully and walk without the crutches. Your post is really inspiring. People should learn how to look on the positive side whenever they are in pain. There are many amazing stories that are similar to yours and i am happy you guys are able to persevere.
Farrell recently posted..The Year to Improve Eyesight

Reply

spacer Stu January 25, 2012

Hi Farrell, sorry for the late reply,

People like Jake are very inspirational in that they show that if they can go through the pain to come out on the other side with riches, then anyone else can do the same. This is the reason why I was attracted to Jake’s post.

Thanks for stopping by spacer

Reply

spacer Jonathan Gaurano January 24, 2012

I disagree with you. I understand where you’re coming from, but I guess the foundation of how you view ‘change’ and how I view ‘change’ is totally different. The reason why I’m using the word ‘change’ is because this is what you considered pain would bring you. Pain would bring you happiness, because through pain you’re able to change, and then inevitably become ‘better.’

Two things that struck a chord: “Instead of cowering from pain, I embraced it. Instead of taking the easy path, I went the hard way.”

Congratulations, you went the hard way. The hard path, the hard way, isn’t necessarily the ‘right way’ about going about your life. Why would you to embrace something that hurts you? You can defiantly understand what causes you pain (or your weakness) – but why would you want to embrace something that hurts you? Isn’t this why you got surgery so you could get out of this pain that you were in?

I think embracing things that feel good, embracing the lifestyle of change – a change for better health, love, and happiness – is good. Yes, I totally understand that passivity (being comfortable) is a weakness. But, weakness and pain are two different things.

One should never embrace the pain that life throws at them. This is coming from a boy whose been abused, a boy who fights with taking medication everyday to live… I know what pain is – and I think embracing into your life is a horrible way to live your life.

You should understand (not embrace) the pain/weaknesses in your life and then do all you can to rid them from your life.

For example, in Gamblers Anonymous (or any anonymous group) – people find comfortable and easy st

gipoco.com is neither affiliated with the authors of this page nor responsible for its contents. This is a safe-cache copy of the original web site.