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Let’s Focus on the Positive

My biggest fear for Madison since we began this adventure of Sensory Processing Disorder is that people/kids would notice her differences and make her feel bad. When she was younger it was pretty easy to explain some of her behaviors. If I got the look that questioned why I have not removed my child from the room or the roll of the eyes implying I was “too easy” on my child, it was fine. I would just let people assume it was me, being a bad parent, and she was just acting “that” way because I allowed it. As important it is for me to appear to be and in fact be a good parent, I would rather have myself judged than have someone judge her.spacer

A little over a year ago I noticed that Madison had some kind of obstruction on her face that resembled a mole or pimple. I treated it as such but nothing seemed to make it disappear. I knew if I could just find the right stuff it would go away because at times it seemed to get better. Then we went through the process of trying to see if it was related to something she ate. I then mentioned it at a doctor’s appointment and we were given a referral to the dermatologist. Through out these months I was shocked at how many adults would see her and ask me, in front of her, “What is that on her face?” Once I got over the shock of the rudeness, I stated it was a blemish. For some reason, people seemed fascinated with it and would offer various diagnoses and cures. Just so the ridiculousness of this is truly understood, the blemish was no bigger than a mini M&M. She started to get very upset about the blemish and began to wear her hair down so it fell in her face. I couldn’t believe my four year old was so hurt/bothered by comments from others that she felt she had to cover it up. I didn’t mind people asking or being curious but there is a way to do it. Most of my friends and people we know asked me what it was but not in front of Madison.

I bet you are wondering what it turned out to be. It is some type of cist that I can not pronounce or spell, and it was benign. She did need to have it removed and after a few months you can hardly tell it was there. No one who ever questioned what it was has shared that they have noticed it is no longer on her face.

Two reasons I shared that with you. The first, we as a society need to stop focusing on the negative and focus on the positive things. We are surrounded by horrible happenings all the time. It is on the news when we wake up, the radio in the car; you receive it when you log on to email, yahoo, phone or computer. When most people share current events it is about something bad that has happened. Is it because if we feel if we take note of the bad events and feel bad for others, then maybe it won’t happen to us? I know it is easier to find the negative topics but we have to try to find more positive things so we can stay more positive. One of the best stories I heard over the holidays that made me feel really good about us as a society, was all those everyday people who paid off strangers lay away bills. That was amazing beyond words.

The other reason is that Madison will start kindergarten in September and I am not sure how she will do and how others will react to her. We have had a great preschool that have been so understanding, and accommodating. In Virginia, we go to Kindergarten all day and by the time she does the bus she will have been up and going and beyond over stimulated for a minimum of nine hours. Whew!

I have my letter all ready and know what I am going to say to the teacher but I still fear for her. If adults can be so critical about a blemish on the face how are kindergarteners going to react when they perceive her to be overacting to a situation?

I know I will always worry about her and fear for her, just as I do my other kids. I just wish I didn’t have to. This is when I am truly thankful that she has the personality she has, no matter how crazy it drives me!

AMY BORNHOFT lives in Virginia with her husband, son, and twins (boy and girl). She works for Soulcial Solutions, developing new business and Child Development Resource Center, raising awareness and funds. She also facilitates a support/resource group through Parent Connections at the Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation. She would like for readers to identify with her families experiences and realize they are not alone. She also hopes parents will open up about the positive and negative impact Sensory Processing Disorder has on their lives.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 18th, 2012 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “Let’s Focus on the Positive”

  1. spacer Jodi says:
    January 18, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Maddy is such a beauty – inside and out! I know how much you worry for her, and I know that SPD will force her (and all of you) to tackle some issues that others may not have to deal with, and I wish that weren’t true. But I like to focus on the positive as you said, and I know that Maddy has a strong, smart, proud mamma who always has her back; a dad that adores her; brothers that will always protect her as best as they can (and who have learned so much about compassion and being sentitive to others because of Maddy); and family and friends who love her dearly. Combined with that Maddy personality? Well, she is sure to be a shining star in everything she attempts!!

  2. spacer Jen @ TheUnProcessed Kitchen says:
    January 20, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Your daughter is absolutely lovely! My son, who has SPD, did ok in Kindergarten because at our school it was only half a day. First grade was rough, and we had a lot of discipline problems. I spent a LOT of time at the school, not necessarily with him but just being present makes a difference. I know this doesn’t sound great, but I’m just telling you the truth. If the teachers and administrators know you and you gently educate them on SPD (I’m assuming they are like many schools that don’t really ‘get it’) it will make a difference in how they react to her. You have my email now – please reach out if you need any help and I will try my best!

  3. spacer Nicole says:
    January 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I am new to this stuff. My son’s doctor told me about his concerns with my then 7 year old son’s behaviors and how the are similar to children with SPD. I had been under the assumption, all those years, that my son was just being difficult. Even after his make-shift “diagnosis”, I had no information other than the doctor telling me to continue to expose my son to ther things that make him uncomfortable in order to desensitize him. It took a friend of mine, who has two children with SPD, to realize that my son truly has a unique way of viewing what most of us consider normal sensory scenarios. I guess my reason for responding to this is that my son has been reacting to things “oddly” his entire life and he does not have any short comings because of it.

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