Beautiful and Profound Paradoxes, 2
“There really is humor in everything.” ~ Tim Driver
Have you ever noticed…
that there are huge paradoxes…
in so many situations…
that we are afforded in this life?
For example…
what we fear most…
can often…
in the end…
not only afford us tremendous peace…
but also give us greater strength…
deeper understanding…
and a higher resolve.
There can also be…
great opportunities….
hidden as rewards…
when you choose to power through…
as opposed to practicing avoidance.
These observations were reality…
where cleaning my brother’s things…
from his house…
were concerned.
While I had 3 of my boys along…
I knew I needed more help.
Spencer Ruf…
was an individual…
my brother, Tim…
mentioned often.
Yet, until Tim’s passing…
we had never personally met.
Spencer played football for Tim…
and was on the Newport team…
that won the state championship.
Now with a young family of his own…
he sought me out…
after Tim’s memorial…
and asked if there was anything at all…
he could do to help.
While I felt that this was…
an incredibly kind gesture…
I was overwhelmed with similar offers.
Spencer didn’t let it drop.
He contacted me regularly…
asking how I was…
what he could do…
and reiterated…
that it would be a privilege…
to be included…
through some task…
or menial act.
An act that for him…
demonstrated…
respect, love and gratitude…
for the things…
he feels my brother has done for him.
In fact…
he sent me an incredible e-mail…
detailing those things…
that perhaps…
at some point…
he will allow me to share.
It is powerful and beautiful.
I trusted my brother implicitly.
If anything were to happen…
to Hero Hubby and myself…
he was to receive full guardianship…
of our children.
I have always known…
since the onset…
of these horrific events…
that if my brother trusted someone…
then I could, too.
As I was mulling this seemingly arduous task…
over in my head yet again…
Spencer was there…
reinforcing…
that it would be both an honor…
and privilege.
I took him up on it.
While this was…
only Snowmaggedon, Day #2…
as we got started…
it most definitely…
began coming down…
with purpose and intent.
As I crept toward the house…
both physically and emotionally…
I received a text.
“Out in front of the house.
(In case you are inside.)”
I wasn’t.
When I called in response…
he asked if I would like him…
to go ahead and get started.
It struck me…
that he was ready, willing…
and clearly able…
to walk through…
whatever we were going to find…
and he was going to do…
whatever it took…
to be strong and helpful…
while doing it.
When I arrived…
he was already sorting boxes…
and laying things out.
My brother didn’t disappoint.
Always a minimalist…
he had very little…
for us to go through.
In fact…
most Americans…
would’ve looked at what was there…
and never guessed…
that it was supposed…
to represent 46 years…
of someone’s life.
Tim, from boyhood…
had earnestly been…
about others.
He had this almost inborn…
sense of obligation towards…
his fellow man…
from the time I could remember.
It definitely showed now.
In retrospect…
I can tell you…
that a definite measure…
of how well…
an individual knew or knows another…
is clearly observed…
by working alongside them…
in a situation such as this!
I chose well.
Spencer knew Tim intimately.
But more importantly…
he prioritized…
categorized…
and even anticipated…
what we would find next…
with an accuracy…
that made me more than comfortable.
Isn’t it funny…
in a sad sort of way…
how we measure accomplishment…
whether unintentionally or not…
through tangible means?
Behold but a tiny smattering…
of football videos.
There. were. MANY!
And yet…
I was struck by how inadequately…
they represented…
my brother’s coaching legacy…
the hours invested…
the faith exhibited…
the care, concern and love given.
That…
simply can’t be measured.
Just the day before…
I stood in a vast pavilion…
honoring that legacy…
in a different sport.
And yet…
how often do each of us despair…
when tangible results…
aren’t evident…
where seemingly endless efforts…
are concerned?
Son #3: “Check this out, Mom!
Two incredible classics in literature…
with a DVD entitled ‘The Best of the 3 Stooges’…
sandwiched in between!”
Once the initial ice was broken…
Spencer and I chimed in with him…
laughing hysterically at treasures we would find…
that so clearly represented his mantra of humor in all things.
Notes from students that made you laugh, cry…
and contemplate the obvious influence.
Copious football and basketball plays…
diagrammed on everything from notepads to napkins.
Precious pictures…
of children belonging to both family and friends.
Shoes.
Lots of athletic shoes.
When we took breaks…
we would set one another up…
with jokes…
using things we found…
all in the spirit of even more laughter.
I came across his “Teacher of the Year” medal…
which I never until that moment…
knew he had received.
One of his Masters diplomas…
was in a box…
still in the postal service mailer!
Meanwhile…
it was really starting to snow!
“Spencer, you should probably go.”
“I’m great…
and we’re not finished yet.”
Seemingly small things…
that were developed on the 50…
the 20…
the 10…
in practice…
drills…
and adversity…
showed clearly…
in Spencer…
the individual my brother…
had poured himself into.
Dedication…
devotion…
resolve…
relationship…
and teamwork.
And just as quickly…
it was nearly over.
Two hours…
and 45 minutes…
start to finish that day.
“Oh.my.WORD!
This is hideous.
No, scary!”
Spencer had come across this:
The first ever “Angry Bird”…
posing as my grandmother’s antique pitcher.
We agreed everyone’s grandma had owned one…
while the boys roared.
My mother is most relieved…
to have it back…
and we’re left wondering how Tim got it.
In the end…
this was the sum total…
of what I shipped home.
What I left…
was a new personal lifelong friend.
There’s a situation in the Bible…
where the disciples of Jesus…
are having a very heated discussion.
They finally broke down…
and asked Him flat out…
who would be the greatest in His kingdom.
Over 2,000 years later…
I respectfully submit…
that mankind still struggles with Jesus’s answer.
“If you would be great…
than learn to be the servant of all.”
Now there’s a paradox…
by anyone’s standard…
in today’s world.
My brother both mastered…
and owned it.
Imagine what the world would be like…
if we all did.
“Smart Donkey”
Have you ever noticed…
that at times…
God simply knows…
when you need a rest…
and perhaps aren’t quite smart enough…
to realize this truth yourself?
I’m going a smidge out of order here…
saving the heavier lessons and thoughts…
for Friday.
Either way…
there’s snow involved.
Lots and lots and lots of it!
I’m talking…
“Hello, Seattle…
home-of-my-childhood…
I-love-your-new-look…
lots of it!”
Here’s Snow Day #2…
complete with outfitting…
and gear…
compliments of our dear friends…
Cathy and Dave Brown.
Cathy’s dad ran the Salvation Army Camp…
in Malibu…
for 30+ years.
She came to work for Hero Hubby’s dad one summer…
where I was working as well…
in Washington.
We roomed together…
and have pretty much been BFFs since.
Her knowledge and passion of and for…
the game of football…
is honestly unrivaled…
in any other woman I have ever met.
This made she and my brother…
(who was like another brother to her)…
BFFs during the season.
And into the playoffs.
And on Superbowl Sunday.
And during the training season.
And draft season.
You get the often grotesque picture.
From most women’s points of view…
it simply isn’t pretty.
This is Dave…
who is also wonderful.
And in this particular shot…
he is thrilled with his near-daily…
but-most-certainly weekly…
deliveries from Amazon.
On Snow Day #2…
this was still possible…
in spite of the fact that his particular BOEING plant…
was shut down…
and he was working from home.
Behold the children:
They get along famously.
With one biological cousin visiting…
and my own who are adopted as family…
it was like a huge, spontaneous vacation.
Couple that with dozens of families…
who were out sledding…
snowballing…
and having fun…
on a hill nicknamed…
“The Widowmaker”…
not pictured here…
because it was simply too steep…
and day #2 of Snowmaggedon…
was a hit.
They played for hours…
while the 3 smarter…
and wiser “Old People”…
walked home.
Okay…
after I stopped to take a picture of my own feet…
which were without feeling for nearly 15 minutes…
by the time I reached my destination.
It.was.cold.
Which proved to be nothing…
but a “warm up”…
for Snow day #3.
It began…
(and continued, by the way)…
with a major power outage.
For over 30,000 people to be exact.
School was definitely out of the question…
including both public and private universities.
Finals week was theoretically in session…
but definitely postponed for high schoolers.
And we were one of the lucky losers.
Of power, that is.
Have I mentioned it was cold?
And the Hero Hubby was now officially stranded in San Francisco…
hoping for a flight…
so he could join us…
with over 80 currently canceled.
Have you ever noticed…
how very little of our current way…
of American life…
is conducive to the family?
Dr. Oliver DeMille…
once gave an extremely…
thought provoking lecture…
on the tribal/agrarian model of life.
This model involves doing less stuff…
at the right time…
in order to bolster true results.
Our calendar is designed around…
the fundamental needs of the marketplace.
If you look at tribal cultures…
significance begins at sundown.
This is the time for rest…
and the most important part…
of the day.
In evenings…
people would bond.
Currently in our culture…
we just “flip on the lights”…
so that we can continue the work day.
We can produce entertainment and recreation…
that often distracts us from bonding.
We can also be somewhat uncomfortable…
until we really get going at this nearly lost art.
But today…
we didn’t have much of a choice.
Throw another log on the fireplace…
hunker down under blankets…
and let poor Zoe in!
Son #3…
“Mom, Aunt Cathy wants us to play Smart Donkey.
Will you join us?”
Upon returning downstairs…
to the one room with heat…
coming from the fireplace…
this is what I found.
And slight correction…
we were preparing to play…
this game:
Son #3 whispered to me…
“I didn’t want to say the, you know, word.”
Cathy was the “boss of the planet”…
which was good…
as she and I tend to take turns…
in our friendship acting in that role.
She ditched the board…
and you had to shout out your answer…
as she read the trivia…
from 1 of the 4 decks.
She mostly stuck with “Who Am I?”
Home educators..
always sweat…
during these types of random…
spontaneous events.
What if our kids are “Dumb Donkeys”…
rather than “Smart Ones?”
Gulp.
Cathy: “I am an entertainer.
I was born in California in 1946.
I was in the movie The Witches of Eastwick.
I am also the high priestess of glam rock.
Me: “CHER!”
Cathy: “Geez, I wondered what was taking you so long.”
The kids think we’re both weird.
C: “I am a T.V. character.
Carroll Spinney plays me.
My voice was copied from that of a Bronx cabbie.
I am green.”
Me: “OSCAR THE GROUCH!”
The kids are pretty incredulous…
as am I.
I’m beginning to see a sad, sorry pattern here.
C: “I am a British statesman and author.
My father was British and my mother was American.
I won a Nobel Prize in Literature.”
Son #3: “WINSTON CHURCHILL!”
C: “I am a singer and songwriter.
I was born in Michigan in 1950.
I was one of the first performers to use electronic music.
I recorded “Fingertips,” my first big hit, at age 12.
I went on to win over 20 Grammys.”
Son #5: “STEVIE WONDER!”
What the heck?!?
C: “I am a 20th century world leader.
I studied law at University College in London.
I became a member of the London Vegetarian Society.
My experiences in South Africa influenced my career.
Disobedience landed me in jail.
Son #4: “GANDHI!”
Clearly…
Leadership Education validates its tenets…
through the illustration of this game!
Who educated these children?!
They did.
I would like to go on record…
for the fact that I came in second place…
and no, all of my questions were not related…
to pop culture after all…
but thank you.
The winner?
Son #3.
Yes, that “Idiot’s Guide to Cigars” toting…
Jane Eyre hating kid!
Lots of tough questions…
and at least 5 shouts…
of “DR. KING!”…
from my “nephew” Chad…
finally produced…
the card he was looking for!
Many hours later…
and still no power in sight…
we excavated the rental…
and went in search of a restaurant with power!
Yes, we were rear ended on the way…
and later it took #3, Chad and myself…
two hours to retrieve Hero Hubby…
from a 15 hour travel adventure.
But in the end…
we were a stronger tribe…
and much smarter, far more rested donkeys…
even if we weren’t warmer ones…
since the house was a balmy…
49 degrees inside…
when the power returned!
See you Friday,