How to Be a Dad

INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Is there a word for the opposite of “educational”? That’s what these are. These diagrams illustrate why caffeine and insomnia don’t mix well.

Skid Marks: When to Wash ‘Em, When to Toss ‘Em

Posted by Andy on February 8th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

…it happens. It’s a fact of life. I wish we could say this chart was only for parents doing mountains of their kid’s or teen’s laundry, but we have to admit it… this chart is for everyone. Younger and older, male and female. It’s true. …it happens. And not just to little kids’ tighty-whities after an atomic wedgy. It’s not just about g-strings, either. Because even parachute-pant-style boxers are not safe.

Watch: Spicemance Tips for Valentine’s Day VIDEO

Anyone who does laundry has been confronted with one level or another on this Skid Marks chart, and may have had to ask themselves: wash it or toss it?

With this handy-dandy Instructional Diagram, we hope people doing a skid mark evaluation can spend less time turning a pair of soiled underwear around in their hands, and come to a swifter more certain decision. We also hope to prevent them from coming to the wrong overly-optimistic choice, and contaminating an entire wash-load of clothes. You’re welcome.

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Baby Sleep Positions: “The Roundhouse Kick”

Posted by Andy on February 1st, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

The nighttime abuse we take as parents is a testament to how much we love heading to bed with the baby on board. Co-sleeping is special or at least necessary for some, but a lot of people don’t know that it can also occasionally be a good way to get a bloody nose or an impressive black eye. You don’t need a kick to head to figure this one out, but it would help to illustrate the point.

Because I get such a kick (pun intended) out of all the joke Chuck Norris expressions on the interwebs, I have to add that if the baby depicted in this Instructional Diagram were actually a baby version of Chuck Norris, instead of waking up abruptly, this roundhouse kick to the head would have put him to sleep forever. Ha ha! Okay sorry, I’m done.

My wife and I have loved having our little one in bed with us. Despite all the punches and kicks and scratches we’ve received from our little sleep-fighting lad. Hmmmmm… That makes me think of something: remember, parents, sleep safely with your baby. I’m not just talking about your baby, I mean you as well! Maybe if you slept with a helmet that has a face-shield? It might not be as uncomfortable as you’d think! Maybe.

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See All Of Our Sleep Positions At least the ones we’ve illustrated so far.
 

Facebook Fist Bump (FBFB)

Posted by Andy on January 24th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

You may feel foolish at first, but you’ll probably smile or burst out laughing. You’ll see. YOU’RE FIST BUMPING US (or each other) THROUGH THE INTERNET! And we think that’s almost as rad as teleportation. Except not as useful, probably.

The Fist Bump

Click to enlarge

 
It’s easy. The FBFB can be done on any screen, so you really don’t have any excuse not do it! (But be gentle!)

Whatever your thoughts are about this interactive gesture, it’s undeniable that it’s here to stay. Until it gets old and dated and is then replaced with something else, of course. But for now…

A fist bump says, “Hey! _____ is amazing, right? Yes. We both agree that _____ is indeed amazing.” All in one convenient, economical motion. Winking can say the same thing, maybe. But winking can also wind you up in other meanings and messes. A fist bump is clear, easy and is also more hygienic and energy-saving than a high-five.

Why???

A fist bump can also simply say, “Hey, rad friend!” That’s where this interactive Instructional Diagram comes into play. It’s our way of saying, “You’re rad. Thanks!” It’s also our way of giving you the chance to use it and say the same thing to someone you think is amazing. People need to hear they’re amazing more. Plus fist bumping through the Internet is super crazy fun! C’mon, try it! No one has to know!

SEND US YOUR PHOTO!

Send us a photo of you fist bumping our FBFB and we’ll feature our favorites on our Facebook Page! Email: fbfb@howtobeadad.com To see the photos we’ve posted CLICK HERE!

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Charlie & Andy

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Name that Superhero Diaper Pail!

Posted by Andy on January 19th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the image to enlarge ]

Everyone poops. Even superheroes. Though, having been a bit of a collector in my youth, I can tell you it’s not something that you’ll ever see depicted in the colorful storyboard format of a comic book or its blockbuster movie adaptation. “Hey, Alfred! Can you hand me a roll of bat-wipe? I’m out. The curry last night must not have agreed with Robin.” Yeeeeeeah. Kind of kills the heroic image.

Honestly, now that I think about it, the idea of practically any superhero “dropping the sidekicks off at the pool” equals instantaneous laughter for me. But we’ve taken this crazy thought process further. What if superheroes had babies? If their costumes, vehicles and lairs are as wild and amazing as they are, what would their parent-gear look like? All babies are already born with the super power of pooping, but in this Instructional Diagram we’re taking a look at what superhero diaper containment units would look like.

Can you guess which superhero these diaper pails belong to?

For the comic snobs: there’s one in here which could kind of go two ways, between two possible comic characters, but I’ll give you a hint: there are three Marvel Comics characters and three DC Comics characters here.

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You Will Laugh
Picture any superhero dealing with any of these and if you don’t laugh, you’re a supervillain.

Speaking of Poop
Who likes chocolate!?!