Slightly Off Kilter

There’s been a lot of discussion in my circles about the Anti-Obesity Ad Campaign in GA  by the Strong4Life organization… (and trust me when I say that far more “important” bloggers have discussed this issue, so visit their posts to learn more – specifically Mamavation and AspiringMama) and honestly I’ve avoided talking about it.  But… I have a thought… an opinion… and guess what?  I’m gonna share it for what it’s worth….(shocking… I know)

It seems that this campagin has sparked a heated debate because most of the people I hear from are in one of two camps. The first camp is the “Suck-it-up-Tough-Love” camp.  The Second is the “Shame-doesn’t-solve-anything” camp.

I’m firmly ensconced in the second.  FIRMLY.  but I hadn’t really identified why that was…. until now.

When I first read about it, I knew it rubbed me the wrong way and struck a cord so deep that it was uncomfortable… REALLY uncomfortable.  It was almost a trigger as I flashed back to High school (which at this point seems like an eternity ago) when I first looked in the mirror and saw a fat girl… mostly because my high school dance team director told me I was too fat to dance…

I’m gonna let that sink in for a minute.  Really?  Too fat to dance?  I assure you, I wasn’t.  I. WAS. GORGEOUS. (ok, still am but you know what I mean… and I’m humble too) I wasn’t a stick figure… even in high school “the girls” were predominant… I stood 5′ 7″ and had all the curves I have now in smaller proportions.  And high school in the early 90′s also meant a HEALTHY dose of Aqua Net most days (what?  Don’t judge) and I’m sure that along with all the make up we wore had to weigh something… but I digress…

I want to say that I hovered somewhere around the 140-150 mark back then – a VERY respectable weight but was told I was too fat to dance.  All because someone somewhere had a “magic chart” of what I “should” weigh… (don’t get me back on my “should” soapbox).  The worst part was that I believed her.

Dancing was my life.  It was all I ever wanted to do… and here in Texas, where football is a religion, all the “cool girls” were either on the dance team or cheerleaders… and I have no ability to do back handsprings, so…. But the same woman who would bring in donuts and breakfast tacos periodically for us to enjoy, was telling me I was fat.  And then… in time… I became the fat girl she saw…

But I digress…again…

I’ve been on this path of “self-re-discovery” as of late and if you know me AT ALL, you know I’m an overly analytical person ANYWAY so I had to really look at why the ad campaign bothered me.

What I realized… is that in my experience… Weight is a symptom.  And… it RARELY tells the whole story. So we are attacking a symptom without getting to the root of the issue.

There are a number of reasons why someone might be overweight.

It could be environmental - over eating, eating the wrong kinds of foods – fried, junk, fast food…

It could be a lack of activity – too much time sitting in school, playing video games, etc…

It could be emotional/mental - eating to dull the pain, filling an internal void, hiding behind a thick wall so no one sees them, feeling worthless, feeling unloved, etc…

It could be medical - there are some conditions that attribute to weight gain.

You get my point, right?

For me… IT was ALWAYS emotional.  My mother STILL is an amazing cook and taught me the right foods to eat.  I grew up eating tons of vegetables and fish and poultry with Red meat on occasion.  Soda was a treat and not something we had every day. Yep, she’s pretty perfect… So when I was eating with her, I was eating right.  but then… when I was alone… there were the secret trips to the pantry where I would silence the pain I felt from other issues I’m not here to discuss at this juncture and smother them with food.  Anything I could get my hands on.  And I didn’t know why I would do that, but the empty containers I’d hide under my bed were a HUGE flashing neon sign that there was a problem.  Not a problem that I recognized until fairly recently of course, but a problem.  My mom had her hands full with my brother (again, not something I’m here to discuss right now) and had no reference for the issues I was dealing with.  I don’t blame her – Hell!  It took me 30-some-odd years to figure it out myself!

I guess what I’m saying is that before we start finger pointing… and laying blame – either on the kids or on the parents – why aren’t we trying to figure out the REAL problem… not the symptom.

If you had debilitating back pain, would you be ok if your doctor handed you some asprin and said – “There you go!  That will fix the problem!”?  I hope not.  I hope you would ask WHY?!?!?!  Why does my back hurt and what do we do to treat the REAL problem…

The same is true for overweight kids…and adults…and me.

Find the Why and you FIX the problem.  You break the cycle.

Teach them.  Empower them.  Help them find their own worth.  Introduce new activities that they may find a knack for.  Re-vamp the school lunches that they are eating.  Touch their hearts and souls… because at the end of the day, pointing fingers doesn’t solve anything… I learned that from my dance instructor… Her finger pointing and blame and attempts to shame me had the reverse effect…and I fear that these ads will be the same.

Hello Everyone

It’s Monday. And after an A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. week/weekend filled with fun, friends (new and old), good conversation, wine, Painting, Dinners, and wine… plenty of wine…. I’m STILL on cloud nine.

Seriously.

Although, I was a bit nervous to step on the scale this morning… (especially with all the wine) and yet – I’m down another 1/2 a lb! WOO HOO!!!!!!

Ok, so truth… in all of my adventures, I’ve TOTALLY let my workouts suffer… *slap on the hand* but luckily for me, tonight is a BIG night. TWO new Moms will begin the Mamavation Bootcamp and will be announced at tonight’s twitter party. I’m so proud of all who applied for taking the step to change their lives for the better and I hope you will join me in supporting them on this journey!

Even more, I’m excited – not only for the two women who will be selected this evening, but… I’m more excited for the kick in the ass that this campaign will bring to myself and the other gals who will serve as Mentors this campaign because in true Mamavation fashion, we are DIVING in and committed to the same workout routines as the new Moms. Planks and Burpees and Steps OH MY! I’m glad for the kick in the ass and can’t wait to get this party started!  Joining me as Mentors this campaign are Megan (@nccarterfamily), Megan (@mnmspecial), Kelly (@eclecticmommy), Andrea (@notimemom) and Shannon (@aries_mommy).  Yep – six of us will be busting tail right along with you ladies!  AND – I invite anyone else willing to join in on the fun

In Other Mamavation News… if you haven’t heard about it, we are re-vamping the Leadership roles again.  Interested in playing a bigger role?  Fill out the form!  Deadline is Jan 30th so go – Do it.  Do it Now.

hmmm… what else?

Am I missing anything?

I guess that’s about it…
 
Can’t think of anything else I need to update here…

oh yeah… I may or may not have met someone pretty fantastic.
 
That’s all folks!  Have a GREAT week

Continuing with the project Alysa (@inspiredRD) started – the #365Thanks Project – (in case you missed it and want to jump on in and join in the fun)

You can read back on Week 1 , Week 2, Week 3 if you need a triple dose of Gratitude

This week’s recap -

Jan 20 – I’m thankful for Science Fairs and the joy and pride my youngest felt that day. (he placed 2nd and is STILL beaming with pride)

Jan 21- I’m thankful for relaxing weekends with no prescribed “To Do List”

Jan 22 – I’m thankful for boys who like to help around the house.  (We finally put all the Christmas Decorations up in the attic.  Don’t Judge Me.)

 Jan 23- I’m thankful for a good news report on a “friend” who is on a pretty amazing journey.  You should check out Team Hannah and Pete Cohen.  Both are R.E.M.A.R.K.A.B.L.E.  Seriously.

Jan 24- I’m thankful for Big Sexy Hairspray.  Drink date after work and a rainy day does NOT make for a good hair day… but with the proper preparation (and a healthy does of hair spray) my confidence and hair were definitely uplifted.

Jan 25- I’m thankful for an opportunity to FINALLY check out Painting with a Twist (more on that next week) with some super fun gals!  And I was able to awaken my inner Artist.

and today – Jan 26th – I’m thankful for sunny days – regardless of the weather.  Granted, it IS sunny outside, but I know (from too much personal experience) that attitude is so freakin important.

Recently, my days have ranged from cloudy and gloomy to bright and sunny… and I’m not talking about what you see on the weather channel.  Attitude is one of the most “accessories” we can put on.  It is Powerful beyond measure…

However, there is good news and bad news about Attitude…

Good News:

You control your outlook… You control your demeanor… You control your Attitude

Bad News:

You control your outlook… You control your demeanor… You control your Attitude

That’s right… in a bad mood?  Only YOU have the power to change that.  That means you can’t blame anyone else.  You have to take control and decide how you want to see the world and those within it.   I know.  It’s easier to blame others…
“He was mean to me and Caused me to be in a bad mood…  ”

“I was in a great mood until she did THAT…”

“I would be happy if only….”

Yeah… I know.  Easier… but not right.  We are not victims – we are in control of our lives and everything about it.   We create our own destiny and if we don’t like something, we have the power to change it… and it ALWAYS starts with Attitude.  It’s Empowering and Scary all at the same time.

I’m not going to say I’m always in a happy sunny mood… Those who REALLY know me know better.  I’ll admit that sometimes I CHOOSE to wallow a bit in the dark and gloomy places – for a bit.  And then, when I’m done with my pity party, I put on my big-girl panties and turn it around.  Ok… I am making it sound easier than it is.  I start small by doing some little thing to lift my spirits – make plans with an old friend… make plans with a new friend … Do a new manicure… Pump Up The Jam(s) (children of the 80′s sing along now)… Take a hot bubble bath while reading a trashy romance novel… do some yoga…. get my sweat on…. go for a drive…. clean out a closet… tackle a new project… Ok, you get the idea.  My point is to do something – even something small to move your focus from whatever was dragging you down and get back to focusing on the positive in your world.

Don’t think there is a single positive thing in your world?  Stop whatever you are doing… Close your eyes… Take a deep breath…. hold it for 5 seconds…. Exhale.  Guess what?  You are breathing and if nothing else, that means you are here to fight another day so CELEBRATE!

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and gratifying experiences ever.  At least in my opinion.  It’s also one of the hardest at times.  There’s no instruction manual.  I mean, there are tons of people who have published their opinions but there’s no one right way to be a parent…is there?  And, being humans means that even when we do what is “right” the outcome may still surprise us.  It’s not like playing in the kitchen… I mean, I know, without a shadow of a doubt that if I put cream in my mixer and whip it enough it turns into whipped cream.  Too long and it turns to butter.  It’s happened exactly the same way time and time again so I take it as fact.  But when it comes to my kids… every day is an adventure.  The boy who once LOVED spinach, may suddenly decide to gag when presented with a spinach salad.  The boy who yesterday was shy and afraid, today may become fearless.  NOTHING can be taken as fact.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about my role as mom…Been discussing it with friends – new and old friends – and am convinced that I have the answer… for me.  (it may not be the answer for you and that’s ok too)  My job as mom is to

LOVE them.

Every part of them.  I don’t always have to like their actions, but I ALWAYS love them. And perhaps even more importantly, make sure they FEEL loved so that they may always remember to love themselves.

PROTECT them.

From others… from themselves… from regret.  That means that sometimes I AM meanest mommy on the block and other times I stand idly by while they make bad decisions and scrape their knees so that they can learn for themselves what is and isn’t a good idea…within reason

TEACH them.

I’m raising gentlemen.  Pure and simple.  I’m sharing with them the lost art of chivalry and already my boys are accustomed to opening doors and being polite.  They will know how to have respect for themselves as well as others in their life.  Their future wives will someday thank me.

Why am I babbling about this?  Simple.  Lately 2 things have been thrown in my face and have offended me to my core.  I’m angry.  I’m BEYOND angry.  And both situations offend my beliefs as a parent.  The first was from a friend on facebook and I will get to that in a second.  The second is the Controversial Georgia Anti-Obesity Ad Campaign.  I’m not going to get on my soap box here – you can read about that over at Owning Pink where I first heard about it from the gorgeous and talented AspiringMama.  It was also written about over at Mamavation – a group dedicated to fighting obesity one FAMILY at a time.  You don’t need my words for the outrage – make your own judgements as you see fit.

No, I’m writing because, like I said, something I saw on facebook REALLY struck a nerve.  A dear friend of mine (and I didn’t ask her permission so no names will be used – thanks for understanding) whom I’ve known for the better part of 25+ years (my math may be off… it feels like FOREVER and I’m a better person because of her) has an amazing, talented, gorgeous daughter.  Said daughter also had a boyfriend.  (OMG are we really old enough for our kids to start dating?) What inflamed me was hearing that the boyfriend’s mother told him he should “Break up with her because she is a slut.”

have you picked up your jaw yet?

Let’s get the obvious out of the way first.  The girl in the scenario has kissed this boy but nothing else.  There are no racy pictures or questionable emails/texts/etc.  So first and foremost, this sweet girl is NOT a slut.  BUT that aside, Are you freakin SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?! What MOTHER says that to their CHILD?  (don’t even get me started on the fact that the mother pretended to be friends with my friend and WOW… two-faced much?)

I haven’t hit the dating pool yet with my boys… In fact I may have breathed an audible sigh of relief  when my mom asked the eldest if there were any girls he liked and he responded with “Nana, I’m too busy for girls.  I have school and band, and swim team and kick start.  There will be time for girls later.”  But I don’t care how much I disliked a young lady, I would never dare to resort to derogatory name calling!  Ok, I might when I’m out with MY girlfriends and have had a drink or two too many but NOT to my KIDS!

I’m really not a fan of name calling in any context but this mother is setting the example that you don’t have to respect others.  She’s definitely not respecting her son by telling him who he should and should not “date” (seriously people, we are talking about MIDDLE SCHOOL).  She’s not expressing love with those hateful words.  And she’s not teaching him to make his own decisions. And I’m sure she’s not alone.  I’m saddened by this whole scenerio.  And what do I say to my friend?  for once I’m at a loss for words.  Do any of you have thoughts on this subject?

In the meantime, all I can do is focus on my boys and continue to love them…teach them… and respect them.

I’ve been writing this blog for the last year and a half or so… and over that time I’ve been really struggling with what is my “brand”  I went to my first blogging conference last year and while an amazing experience, I had NO CLUE how to answer the constant question “What’s your Blog About?”

I don’t know… I just write.  so this year I thought – I need some direction… and I had a brilliant idea to come up with a “reason” to write posts for each day… Mondays are spoken for with Mamavation Monday – and THAT has never changed over the course of the last year and a half but Tuesday-Sunday?  I’m lost.  I blame my undiagnosed ADHD (note: I’m not poking fun or making light of anyone who ACTUALLY has ADHD and apologize in advance if I’ve offended).  I came up with some brilliant ideas (and I use the term brilliant VERY Loosely.  VERY.) but it still doesn’t feel right.

Then I went back to the name of my blog – Slightly Off Kilter.  I picked the name for a reason-because it describes me perfectly.  I’m a little off.  I’m not one who can easily be described by typical stereo-types.  And neither can my blog.  When I worked with Rita over at Blog Genie I had some very specific ideas about what I wanted this blog to look like… I wanted it a bit dark and mysterious because if you think you KNOW me, you are mistaken – there’s definitely more to me than meets the eye.  I wanted those lovely hummingbirds you see when you hover over the menu above because people tend to underestimate their strength based on their size.  That’s me too – and even I underestimate my own strength at times.  I wanted the inclusion of dragonflies because in Native American Culture, the dragonfly symbolizes Change and Change in perspective or character… also quite fitting.  My point is that everything about my blog symbolizes either who I am… or who I’d like to be.

So, I’m back to the random.  I’m not going to hold myself hostage to trying to fit in with anyone else’s idea of a “proper blog”… instead I’ve given myself the freedom to write about whatever moves me whenever it moves me.  You might find tidbits of parenting.  Perhaps a craft or two.  Maybe a recipe or a review of some new gadget or gizmo that I’ve fallen in love with.  I reserve the right to stand on my soapbox if something sparks a reaction and I anticipate more “deep thoughts” types of posts where I try to REALLY figure out who the heck I am.

After all, the blogs I read the most are messy and random…just like life…just like me. So once again, I’m embracing my “off-kilter-ness” and am confused why I ever strayed.

Continuing with the project Alysa (@inspiredRD) started – the #365Thanks Project – (in case you missed it and want to jump on in and join in the fun)

You can read back on Week 1 and Week 2 if you need a triple dose of Gratitude

This week’s recap -

Jan 13 – I’m thankful I finally had enough time to upgrade my iphone to the newest operating system… which subsequently ended the random re-boots… coincidence?  I think not.  Guess there really is a reason for updates, ya’ think?

Jan 14- I’m thankful for the support of Leah and Mamavation who helped me to get into a pair of 16 jeans!  Single digits aren’t THAT far off!

Jan 15 – I’m thankful I found these AMAZING tiles on sale that would later frame my bathroom mirror!

Jan 16- I’m thankful for Martin Luther King Day which always remind us where were… not that long ago…

Jan 17- I’m thankful for the opportunity to “Interview” (and by interview I mean babble on and on with) the Mamavation Mom Applicants.  Seriously an AMAZING Group of women!

Jan 18- I’m blessed by spending time with new and old friends who make me laugh and smile.

and today – Jan 19th – I’m thankful that I’m a part of a fantastic group – Austin Bloggers  - where occassionally I get to meet some pretty incredible women.  Like today’s lunch…but that will be another post.

And here’s where (again, continuing what I started a few weeks ago) I tend to get all “Deep Thoughts” on my post. (Anyone else flashback to Jack Handy? Just me… oh.  Ok.  Carry on then)

This week, as I mentioned above, I got to talk on the phone with 10 AMAZING women (ok, techincally, it was this week and part of last week but whatever – you get the idea) and I was totally amazed at how different and yet the same we all are.  I found myself listening to their stories of where they’ve been and where they are and my heart went out to each and every one of them.  But then I got to thinking… (and you know how scary THAT can be)

I’ve been known to appreciate people watching.  You know how like you are hanging out at the mall or coffee shop or park and you see people and mentally, you “create” their story…?  Ok, maybe that’s just me again… bear with me while I ramble…

You see a young woman sitting across from a young guy.  He’s leaning back in his chair sipping a dark beverage… she’s leaning towards him trying to catch his gaze playing with the straw in her frappa-whatever… she’s clearly interested in him… you want to shake her and say Girlfriend – he’s just not that into you.  Move on.  Don’t grovel for his affection.  He’ll want you when you leave. {insert mother’s advice here}

Yeah… I do that a lot.  Make up stories about who people are and where they are going.  Usually based on Body Language and little else.  But when I was talking on the phone with these 10 women, I didn’t have any visual cues to go off of.  I only had their voice…their words.  and I realized how even though I generally pride myself on being a good listener, in person I may be putting too much stock in the physical cues around me.  Judging people without even realizing it.  Not exactly something to be proud of… but by being aware, it makes it easier to change.

Now that the light bulb has turned on, I notice it a lot more often.  The good news is that knowing this, I can shift gears and refocus on what my conversation partner is really saying a lot faster than before.  Unless of course it’s my boss.  Then my eyes just glaze over.**  That could totally be a Deep though by Jack Handy…

**Totally kidding.  I hear and listen to every gem my boss utters because it is important to me.

So, Here’s the Thing… I spend WAAAYYYY too much time perusing the web.  I have several networks of amazing Bloggers  that I stalk follow (and aspire to write like) and you may have missed some of the gems I’ve stumbled upon.

So I thought to myself…

“Self, Why not devote one day each week to the treasures of others?”

and then I thought to myself…

“Self, That is a brilliant idea.”

yes… I have conversations with myself.  Don’t judge.

And thus is born

It’s a small, feeble way to “give back” and share the beauty of others with you.  And things I love.  And things I am moved by.  And things that make you go hmmmm.  Click on the image to be taken to the original source… Don’t worry – it will open in a new tab/window so you can stay here for more awesomeness.

(Children of the 80s feel free to break out into song right about now)

Things that touch my heart:

Things that make me go hmmmm…

(you are still singing aren’t you?  You’re welcome)

'Most runway models meet the BMI criteria for anorexia', claims plus-size magazine in powerful comment on body image in the fashion industry

Things that make me remember

"I am so much more than my body. " ~ Body Restoration Week 1 via @prairiemama

Things that make me laugh

Things that made me think

Silver Ribbons via @aspiringmama

And while we are on the subject of thinking… I’m not ALWAYS online (although it may seem like it and yes, I’m a little too connected) …

Things that I’m reading that AREN’T on the internet

Seriously I love this book.  I started it wh