The tivo remote was missing.  This is a huge deal to some people in my household.  It is not a big deal to me because I honestly don't know how to use the dang thing and all those shows that are recorded for me are going to sit there unwatched until the earth spins into space probably.  So we had a double whammy that shouldn't have been any trouble for me.  I mean really.  Because there it is: the device the children want in the midst of the trash heap of the living room that is filled with their crap, not mine.  Anyone with a lick of sense could figure out that the children need to clean up the room (and put stuff away) and they will find the remote.

Unfortunately, I was home.  I actually wished desperately that I had class to go to last night because that would have been way better than the reality.  Spawn is incapable of looking for anything.  When she was little, we used to make fun of her- she'd stand in the middle of her room spinning around looking at eye level saying "where is my underwear?"  I'm not making this up.  She'd look at the ceiling to find her shoes.  So here's spawn's contribution to the looking: she reported that spouse thought the remote had fallen in the trashcan and that now this $200 piece of equipment was now useless.  Yes, of course, if the remote MIGHT be in the trash why bother looking anywhere else.  (Yes, I did wonder why said spouse didn't go look in the freaking trash, but the answer to that doesn't fit here chronologically.)

Littleloudone, who used to be the best finder in the house, was having one of her days.  Possibly exacerbated by the figurative sharp stick that spawn was applying to the situation.  So I decided if the kids cleaning wasn't going to happen, that we could try a simple exchange of services.  Told LLO that I would look for the remote as soon she started practicing her drum.  (I personally thought this was win-win since it would help avoid the drama next week of getting adequate drum practice in.)  This was the worst idea you can imagine.  Fit ensued.

Then the phone call.  Do I ever hate the phone.  I made Spawn take it and speak to her dad (as I will still a pissed about the trash comment and now pretty much incapable of speech.)  He had to stay late at work.  Spawn, being a basically kind, problem-solving child decided to cook dinner.  Which is great.  Except that she wanted to make some kind of pork stir fry and LLO and I both really just wanted mac-n-cheese.  I had an appointment at school in less than an hour and Spawn really takes her time (and makes a huge mess) when she cooks.  Well, she strongly believed that we should save the mac-n-cheese for when we were in a hurry.  Because you know there is only so many boxes of Kraft mac-n-cheese at the store.  She didn't like my answer.  So upstairs she goes and starts wailing, opening the door every so often just so I know she is still upset.

And there's LLO calling me everything but mother.  And then.  Poof.  I said something about respect (no idea what, honestly) and LLO says to me (this I do remember verbatim):  You will never know how much I respect you.  And I definitely thought, yes, you are right, I never will.  Next thing I know, she practices her drum for the full 30 minutes without my saying another word.  I clean the living room.  I found all kinds of goodies in the couch including a remote (the wrong one), Spawn's missing inhaler, some kind of corkscrew device, and a whole lot of icky stuff that I left there.  I went to my meeting, came home to dinner and calm.  The second I walk in the door, LLO remembers where she dropped the remote the day before and that was that.

And we wonder why I'm nuts.

• 8:23 AM
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Ninjapsychomicrokitten is in a playful mood this morning.  She has been very helpful.  She helped me make the bed- by crawling in it (of course).  She helped me walk, but walking with me.  She helped with my dry skin, by chewing it off.  And she helped me laugh by stealing this piece of my bathrobe.

(i left the lampshade in the picture, just for fun)

Now she has escaped into the snow.   Have a nice day, small kitten.

• 8:42 AM
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for @lanney

i just have the one.  i think i was 4.  nice bowl cut, huh?  that would be the brother who is never mentioned because i don't have anything nice to say about him. 

• 10:15 PM
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it doesn't totally stink!!  i'm kinda pleased with myself. (yea, my scanner is pretty dirty)

• 6:33 PM
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Just had one of those conversations with the spawn.  I think she must be taking a drawing class at school.  Yes, I should know this for sure.  I saw her sitting upstairs in front of the mirror drawing a few minutes ago.  Then she came into my room of torture (the place where I attempt to concentrate on this boring crap I have to read- it's not really boring- and I really do complain a lot don't I?), with the self portrait.  In a frustrated tone of voice (perpetual for her this past week), she said that she needs to work on this 30 more minutes and do I have any suggestions for what she could do.  In spite of my gut reactions 1) really, you have a minimum time to spend on this piece of art? and 2) it rocks as it is- I proceeded to give her some suggestions.  Then I looked at her face which was most definitely saying that she didn't really want suggestions.  So.  Why did she ask?  I mean, really, I have been her mother for 15 years and some.  Was there some time in there that I didn't give her help when she asked for it?  I don't think so.

In fact in 1st grade I got in trouble for helping her too much.  Why she tattled on me, I do not know.  The girl has had some issues with getting stuff done.  (Another way she is completely UNLIKE her mother.  Oh, she's blond, did I say that yet?)  And honestly, her 1st grade classroom was so busy with entertaining stuff to look at that I had trouble concentrating in there.  Anyhow, so she brought schoolwork home one weekend.  Lots of it.  And 99.99% of it was coloring.  Coloring!!  Sorry to say, I don't think of coloring as schoolwork.  Don't get me wrong, I love to color.  We used to take coloring books on vacation and I would sit and color with my girlies.  And I still have a wonderful historical women coloring book from when I was a teen.  So, I have no problem with coloring.  Except when it's sent home as tardy schoolwork in vast quantities.  So I did that thing I knew better than to do.  I helped her color a page.  And she told on me and her teacher reprimanded me.  And I was embarrassed and suitably chastised and have never helped my children color their homework again.  (And Littleloudone's first grade homework was math and reading and spelling and real schoolwork, thank you very much.)

Anyhow.  Spawn is irritated with me for doing what she asked.  However, she let me take a photo of it anyhow.

It's really good, isn't it? (Even though my suggestions were valid.  just saying.)

My best IRL friend, who also happens to be a blond, (all these freaking blonds in my life) thinks spawn needs someone to talk to and has volunteered for the job.  I'm grateful, because my friend is cool, much younger than I am, and clearly generous- and what teenage girl doesn't need someone to talk to.  Anyhow.  Spawn told her (friend) that she(spawn) believes that she (spawn) is maturing and I'm going the other way.  Ladies.  Thank you so much.  I think they both miss giggling with me. 

This would have been a lot funnier if I could actually remember the funny blond things that Spawn has said today.

• 6:41 PM
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