I feel like I should tell you something.
I don’t do it all. I can’t. I simply can’t. And…neither can you.
I assume you can’t. I assume that’s what your emails mean when you ask how I do it all.
I just want to make sure I’m not putting off a false impression. You know, bloggers can do that. They are like phenomenal wedding photographers, making life appear almost more beautiful than it really is. Carefully crafting the angles so things appear to be clean and crisp and well edited and impeccably styled.
my very real and unstyled kitchen.
Here is the list of what I don’t do:
I don’t buy organic. I know, right? How can I not? I don’t know. It seems overwhelming and I don’t know where to begin. It seems like an all or nothing deal, and I’m not ready to do it all. I grocery shop in 1 hour from door to door with my 3 kids. It needs to be fast, simple, and mostly no-brainer for me to get it done. Maybe someday I’ll tackle the whole “best” way to do things.
My kids wear simple and inexpensive clothes. They have jeans (shorts in the summer) and long-sleeve t-shirts (short sleeve in the summer). Any top can be worn with any bottom. They are not the stylish kids clothes I assumed my kids would wear…you know, before I had kids.
My house is NOT spotless. I prioritize some things higher than a spotless house. It is picked up (mostly), but not extraordinarily clean. The baseboards remain undusted more often than not. The windows need washing. The floors could stand to be swept (Nester tells me crumbs on the floor make her feel at home–such grace, that woman!). If I ever make superfluous money, it will go to a professional housecleaner.
My hair is in a bun or ponytail 9 times out of 10. I am not good at doing hair. I don’t spend a lot of time doing my hair. I don’t care, generally, about my hair. I want it out of my face and I want it to take less than 2 minutes to do. Looking overly cute in under 2 minutes is probably expecting too much.
I don’t get down on the floor and play much with my kids. I’ve always struggled with this as a mom (and that means most likely some of you have, too). How do stay-at-home moms actually play with their kids all day? Don’t Legos and monster trucks and cars get old? Instead, we do a craft or run an errand or read. Mostly, though, I encourage them to play together (and they ARE the best of friends) or I encourage them to find their own fun.
I wouldn’t make Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman or other personal finance gurus particularly proud. We are not debt free. We own 2 homes, due to relocation, and rent one of those homes to another family. We don’t have a billion month emergency fund. We are trying to make good decisions with 3 young boys, 1 new-ish big kid job, and a fledgling part-time whatever Tiny Twig is (a tiny empire??).
not an abnormal scene for our motley crew
There is so much grace in motherhood and womanhood. There are so many ways to be–and an equal number of ways not to be. Just because something is important to me–getting out an doing life with my boys, regardless of the hassle–it may not be important to you. Just because something is important to you–eating organic and amazingly pure food–it may not be important to me. You may be an impeccable housekeeper by nature, but you may not like to plan dinner. All is grace. All is grace. Hear me say, you ARE enough. You don’t have to do it all.
Now, surely you don’t have it all together either? Want to let us know what you don’t do? Please, please…let us know in the comments. Let’s have a lively conversation, a breath of fresh-air, and a LOT of grace in the comments. Women don’t/can’t/won’t ever be able to do it all.
…and…check back tomorrow for the exciting flipside to this post.
121 Comments on "i don’t do it all"
Well, there it is. It’s the classic give-and-take. You CAN’T do it all, and if you focus a lot on one area, something’s got to give somewhere else. I try to do a little of everything, without doing a whole lot of any one thing. I like things to be picked up, but I also need them to be somewhat clean too. One of the things I rarely do? Mop the kitchen floor. I hate mopping floors. I feel quite sure I wouldn’t mind it as much if it stayed clean for longer than 36 hours. But, alas, it does not. I’m also very bad at dusting our upstairs. We have a wee tiny little house and the dust simply has no where to spread out. It just doesn’t stay dust-free all that long, and mostly what we do is sleep up there.
One of the things I’m trying to get better at is balancing my time between my business and playing with the kids (and homeschooling them). It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the what-can-I-do-to-make-this-business-better mentality, and forget that God has given us these kiddos to raise and love on and they’re going to be around for a long time, this other stuff is so much more temporary and fleeting.
Thanks for sharing!
yes. this. our little people are only little for so long. i find that each family has their own unique way of interacting and making life feel good. i’m more of a spectator (mom! watch this! watch this replay {they reenact a monster truck crash or a karate move}!) than a boy-play participant. i think it is all about the push-n-pull, eh? :)
It’s hard for me to sit and play too. I’m glad I’m not the only one, that’s for sure! Although, I do struggle with feeling selfish at times. I’m not a “go” type of person, so my kids don’t get out a whole lot. PS. I also quit clipping coupons.
Blogging can definitely make you feel like you SHOULD do it all. I try to remember what my ONE THING is and what the most important things are to my family.
Yay for not doing it all! But for doing the things you do well!
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yes, it is “what are the most important things to my family?”. each family is different. my particular husband happens to value a clean house a tiny bit more than i do…it’s a good reminder that to love him well i should put a tiny bit higher value on a clean not just picked up house.
You’re brave! :) We moms just can’t do it all. I have to agree with the playing part. I read them stories, cook or make crafts with them, occasionally play a game or something, but when it comes to imaginative play (which is most of the time) they are on their own!
i’m glad i’m not the only one. i think that was the one i was most nervous about admitting!
Loved this post!! Here’s mine….
I don’t volunteer for every activity under the sun at my daughter’s preschool like most of the other moms. I have a toddler in tow at all times so I have decided I can’t be the mom who does it all in that regard.
Thanks for sharing yours!
yes! we’re going to have to really limit the activities that our boys do outside of school and home–because i don’t want to be the family that runs all around the earth every night.
i don’t go on school field trips. don’t go to all the pta meetings. definitely don’t keep my home spotless. don’t ever finish laundry. don’t clip coupons.
don’t dethrone my to do list nearly enough.
don’t clip coupons! i don’t either! friend, you are a breath of fresh air.
ellen, i want to be just like you when i’m a mom!!!! :D
Yes, Yes and Amen!
I also skip the hairstyling 80% of the time in favor of a buns or ponytail. And I have a very simple wardrobe because shopping is not a priority for me, time-wise.
I don’t plan activities for my kids like crafts and such (well, not much–maybe once a week). For me these things are not much fun and require TONS of effort on my part, and it’s just. not. worth. it. For me.
i knew i liked you. ;)
And yet again, you speak the words right out of my own head & heart. Let’s just go ahead and admit that we are long lost twins and get it over with. You’re an incredible mother and I’m proud of your skills (or lack thereof) :)
maybe we can pretend to be each other every once in awhile so the other can take a vacation?? :) i like that plan.
This is my first time to your blog and I love it. I love your honesty in this post, especially because I feel like poop when I read some blogs and think “now why can’t I get it together and have a cute *whatever* like she does!”
I don’t clean my bathrooms and kitchen – I pay someone else to do that.
I don’t clip coupons. Or I clip them, put them in a drawer, and let them expire!!
i love that! glad to have you here. no perfection here…at least not perfection on a whole. :) i like to think i have really beautiful pockets of life and bits of time.
and i love that you start out with noble couponing intentions and then let them expire…that is something i would do.
Great post, Hayley. I feel like anytime someone else admits that they have debt and maybe don’t have a clue how to do a budget, well, they become my new best friend.
I don’t clean bathrooms nearly as often and I should.
I only vacuum when we have company coming over.
I don’t shave my legs. (Too honest?)
BTW- This post inspired me. I’m going to write up a “things I don’t do” post and link to it. The blogosphere always needs more honesty. :)
great idea! :)
atimetoeat.blogspot.com/2012/01/things-i-dont-do.html
no, i love this. :)
I don’t do crafts with my kids.
My house is almost always a disaster at least *somewhere*
I mop maybe once a month.
My hair is also in a ponytail or bun 99% of the time
My clothes are simple and I almost never accessorize my outfits because I hate shopping.
yes. my house is almost always a disaster at least TWO somewheres!
H-what a liberating moment! For you young mothers – take heart. My house was rarely spotless, crafts done very infrequently, and getting it together for work took A LOT of effort. And yet, my grown children have wonderful memories of love, hugs and happiness. And, by the way, who in the world was it that defined what we are “supposed” to be, anyway? According to my kids, and my life, right now (even though I did’t follow the guidelines) – I did just fine. Where you plant your seeds of love, there will grow your joy and happiness.
Actually…it makes more sense for me to add it to Truthful Tuesday! :)
+1
I have two kids (one 3-year-old and one 6-month-old) and am in graduate school. My husband works full time and is also taking graduate classes. We are constantly busy and are always trying to find ways to relax and let go of unrealistic expectations, while holding on to family priorities like spending quality time together every day, practicing hospitality, and finding ways to have little adventures every now and then. I definitely feel inadequate at times, particularly in the area of homemaking (I basically stink at