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How to Turn Your Daughters (Back) Into Witches

When I posted a call for potential guest posters, and Angie from Bare Roots Studio sent me an email, I was overjoyed. Long ago, I fell in love with the writing she does on her own blog – it’s just so raw and insightful – and wickedly witty. If, after you read her touching thoughts on the loss (and hopeful resurgence) of her daughters’ inherent natural tendencies and you want to read more, definitely check her out. Especially this post.

(Oh! She also sells the most incredible signs – of which I have a Japanese teacup proudly in my living room now – at her Etsy store.)

How to Turn Your Daughters (Back) Into Witches

These are my daughters. The older one is on the left, younger on right. Aren’t they lovely?

 

Ah yes. It gives me no pleasure – despite what you may have heard – to grind them up into one of my potions.

Stake-Burning (not steak-burning)

Traditionally witches were those folks, mostly poor &/or older women, who just didn’t fit in with their medieval neighbors. Their crimes included healing with herbs, having pets & helping birth babies. Oh, & “enchantment.”

Naturally, they needed to be killed. No need to stir up controversy in this post by suggesting otherwise.

I do submit, however, that little girls may be born witches. In a sweet, weirdo kind of way.

Girls Gone Wild

In my own girlhood, I ran shirtless & dirty around the woods at the top of my street like some sort of not-cute forest waif. At home I melted crayons in the driveway. The resulting liquid was especially powerful mixed with hydrogen peroxide & my dad’s Aqua Velva. (Just in case you try it, be warned that this concoction, poured hastily down the sink when Mom pulls up, will harden & stick. Best to lock the bathroom door at that point.)

So my own girls came by their witchiness honestly. The oldest slid down arroyos & ran from what I assured her & hoped was true were imaginary rattlesnakes & mountain lions. She baked grass n’mud casseroles on warm boulders & sang “American Woman” at the top of her little lungs. Later she told wonderful invented stories to the neighbor kids.

Scooping out sections of earth to make “recliners” was my youngest’s thing. Fairy houses made of twigs & feathers & rocks was another. She also made a hair care product from spit. Then she discovered my stapler. How many pieces of her own clothing she cut up & stapled into interesting new doll fashions may never be fully known, but I still sometimes run across evidence stuffed in odd places like the rafters, or gutters.

My creative little geniuses. And then, each in her turn, they stopped.

They became consumers instead.

Betrayal

Recently my oldest daughter came home for the holidays. She had forgotten her oral hygiene products. Glancing through the medicine cabinet she asked, “What’s in all these glass jars? We can’t even get Tom’s anymore?”

Then: “Mom! So it’s really true you’re brushing your teeth with a stick now?”

The youngest intoned, “It has come to this.”

Decades of being the sole crunchy in my own family bestows a certain immunity to such remarks. What does get to me, however, is hearing my oldest daughter referring liberally to Chick-Fil-A, Crystal Light, Cover Girl.

This is how they kill me, you know. They kill me slowly & exquisitely well, my children. My youngest whispers “Forever 21” & “formaldehyde nail polish” just to curdle my skin.

Like a witch defiantly watching the townspeople until the flames melt her eyeballs, I take this silently, but not submissively.

Synthetic Sorcery

And I draw the line at the Pink perfume my oldest left behind. In this house we refer to Victoria’s Secret as Victoria’s Butthole & that’s the way it’s going to stay, dammit.

So, though my youngest desperately wanted to keep this piece of her sister’s artificial essence, I made her give the bottle away to one of her friends.

I refuse to feel guilty about this. Its nasty components will leach into the water supply eventually anyway. And the friends’ parents could care less what their daughters spray on. For years I’ve been waiting on a sparkly pink product line for girls & women called, simply, Cancer.

Bubbling Cauldrons

Admittedly, I was not always this fierce. In adolescence & early womanhood I lost ability to craft myself, too.

Pretty soon I was tame as a boiled egg, eating snack-sized Doritos, opening fresh cakes of L’Oreal eye shadow & feeling nourished by both, at least temporarily.

All my native wildness had boiled away. I tried to get it back through mean boys & cigarettes, among other things, but those are no more soulful than Urban Outfitters.

To free myself I made a pact with the Dark Side: Nevermore would I return to the easy parking & bright lights of The Mall. I would haunt the thrift stores, the blank page & my own garden instead. I would delight in sky & book, cookpot & the companionship of fellow witches, including the male ones.

Deeper & deeper I go into the dark domestic arts as I age. For instance: Lately I’ve been harvesting my pee & excess shower water to feed my indoor plants. They love it. They whisper very complimentary things.

Also I made dish soap. It does not contain pee.

Magic Production

So now I grind up my daughters’ fingernails, hair from their brushes, pour in their wicked humor. I cast my spell.

 

 

May my oldest finish that pearl painting she created from thin air, simply because she wanted a painting of pearls, & make many more. Though she’s graduated from grass n’mud casseroles now, may she continue cooking, preferably with organic ingredients. May she at least consider essential oils.

May my youngest’s trade of a sewing machine for my stapler be permanent. May she stop saying her Buddha drawing isn’t good enough. May she actually practice her guitar.

May they always play in the mud, knowing also they can fly. If they’re in the mood.

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Homemade Ginger Beer: The Happy Birthday Drink

I wrote this when I was 36 years old.

By the time you read it, I will be 37. In mere hours, I will have aged an entire year.

It’s high time we start marking our passing of time not in years, but in minutes. The passing, then, will be less significant – less of a badge to wear, whether it’s honor or shame, depending on your outlook.

Numbers become significantly less important the higher they are. Take the  national debt for instance; 15 trillion means nothing to you, really, does it? It’s just a crazy big number to which you might attach anger, but really it means nothing to your brain.

Instead of 37 years old, maybe I’ll be 324, 335 hours old. (Holy frick! THAT is old.) Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.

To mark my new year-that’s-really-only-a-few-hours-when-you-think-about-it, I wanted to make a cocktail that was a little bit crunchy, and a lot a bit fun. So I tried ginger beer (to which I will add rum and lime juice, and it will be the ubiquitous Dark & Stormy).

 

 

This. This FAR exceeded my expectations – both in quality and in spiciness. It lives somewhere between the worlds of tantalizing-tongue-tickler and blow-your-face-off-mama-hot. It might be a little closer to the latter.

Letting it sit, though, for just a few hours really mellowed it out a lot, so if you don’t want your ginger beer/ale too strong, cut the ginger down a little, but not too much.

Before I show you how I made this, I want to make two very important points:

• This recipe is slightly alcoholic (VERY slightly) only because of the short fermentation time – just enough to give it a fizz. Based on my completely unscientific judgment, I’d say it’s even less alcoholic than kombucha.
• While, throughout the post, you’ll see this being stored in glass bottles, I don’t recommend you do this unless you’re being very, very, very careful about it. The fermentation process causes CO2 buildup, which – in time – is too much for the glass to handle (and could cause the glass to break and cause a huge mess and/or injuries). Other than for picture-taking, I’m keeping my lids cracked slightly to let the gas escape. It’s better to use a plastic bottle, which allows room for the pressure to build a little (which you’ll want to let escape if you see the plastic bulging). This is one of the very few times I’ve been bummed about not having any plastic bottles in the house.
• This is DELICIOUS. This is also three points.

An Honest-to-Goodness Homemade Ginger Beer Recipe

If you go out in search of ginger beer or ale recipes on the internet, you’ll see two different kinds. One is similar to this (only occasionally different steps) and one is an instant gratification version that mostly just involves making a ginger simple syrup and adding club soda to it.

I pretty much followed this recipe to the letter. The only difference was that I used a little less ginger than the recipe called for, so its intensity shocked the holy batman out of me.

And to be completely frank, I used his only because it was the Dark & Stormy recipe after the initial ginger beer instructions that had me jumping up and down.

Okay. Now for the fun part.

 

Yes. I forgot to list lemon on that picture. The ginger beer must’ve gotten to my head while I was editing pictures. Please squint a little and see if you can imagine the word lemon in that list. There you go.

Step 1: Grate, Grind, or Finely Chop 2-ish Cups of Ginger

Several people have mentioned to me lately (on yesterday’s post, too) that often there’s no reason to peel ginger. This seemed like one of those times in which there was no reason.

So I just washed it off, tossed several broken bits into my small food processor, and let it do it’s job. It was PERFECT. And so much faster than peeling and chopping.

 

 

I kept tossing in little pieces of washed ginger and measuring until I reached nearly 2 cups – not quite. Again, if you don’t want super spicy ginger ale, I wouldn’t recommend using this much ginger. A cup and a half would more than suffice.

After that, you put the ginger in the bottom of your container.

Step 2: Add 2 Cups of Organic, Unrefined Sugar

Unfortunately, I don’t see a way to make this without sugar, because it’s the sugar that the yeast eats. The good news is, the yeast will eat the sugar and convert it, so there’s not even remotely 2 cups of sugar left when you’re done.

 

 

There’s actually not much left to go now, believe it or not. If I remember right, this whole process (minus the 24 hour wait time) took about 15 minutes.

Step 3: Add 2 Quarts of Boiling, Filtered Water

I don’t really know what else to add to this step’s instructions.

“Add water” is pretty self explanatory.

 

 

Oh yeah! There is more to add. Stir.

Stir.

The end.

Step 4: Add the Juice of Two Lemons

You guys know how to juice a lemon, right?

 

 

The secret to a quick and easy lemon juicing is to roll the lemon under the palm of your hand while using pretty firm pressure. You’ll be able to feel it soften under your skin. When it’s a little mushy, that’s when it’s time to juice.

Just cut it in half and start squishing down, over your container, with your thumb.

 

 

Because we’re going to strain all of this anyway, I didn’t even worry about the seeds that plopped in. They can stay. For now.

Step 5: Stir Again and then Wait About An Hour Before You Add 1 tsp Yeast

You don’t want to add the yeast when it’s piping hot, or else you’ll damage all the yeasty goodness. Wait until it’s tepid to the touch.

For me, this took about an hour.

 

 

Now you just dump your yeast in and give it another good stir and cover it lightly. You could even just cover it with plastic wrap, if you don’t want to store this in a plastic jug.

Of note, the yeast I used is actually a beer yeast called Brettanomyces. I only used it because I had it left over from a year ago (while trying to make apple cider vinegar) and wondered if it was still any good. OH MY, it was.

But you can use any kind of active yeast. Even the kind that comes in the little packets that you bake your bread with. The type of yeast you use will change the taste slightly, but for all intents and purposes, there’s no reason not to just use good old bread-baking yeast.

Step 6: Wait 24 Hours, Strain, and Enjoy!

There are several other recipes that suggest a longer brewing time, which you can certainly do. But the longer you brew it, the more alcoholic it’s going to be (and I hear that if you let the alcohol content on this get too high, it can cause some wicked hangovers).

I let mine go for exactly 24 hours, and it neither tastes nor feels alcoholic. In addition, my house is really cold – and the warmer it is, the faster it’ll brew. What I’m saying is: If you don’t want any noticeable alcohol content, don’t let this ferment for more than 24 hours.

I got ahead of myself, though.

After 24 hours, strain everything out using a cheesecloth or a coffee filter. Make sure you don’t see any more yeasties floating around.

Then, you just store it in the fridge, which stops the fermentation process, and you drink it with a nice helping of cold, cold ice.

 

If, for some reason, it’s too gingery for you, just add a little water to wet it down a bit – or even a little club soda to give it more of a fizzy kick.

Here’s the entire recipe, for your printing pleasure:

 

If you want to go about this a completely different way, don’t forget about water kefir!

 

And now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go have fun.

19,460,104 minutes worth of pent-up fun.

That’s what I’m about to have.

Mwah!

 

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5 Fresh Ways to Use Ginger in Homemade Beauty

During the winter season, my house is never empty of ginger. It’s a must-have for cough and cold season, as well as any tummy upsets that might sneak up. Also, it’s delicious. And spicy.

Spicylicious.

It looks like toes, though. Don’t you think?

 

 

I’d never noticed that until today. But it definitely looks like toes. So today, we’re going to use fresh ginger in five beauty recipes/ideas – starting with your toes.

As an aside, I have to share something that my favorite herbalist told me, many years ago. She said, “If you look at a vegetable, herb, nut, or flower, and see a body part, that’s probably the body part that it’s good for.” So walnuts? Good for your brain. Lungwort (which looks like lung tissue), great for your lungs. And ginger? Must be the toes!

Right now, I have an incredible excess of ginger, thanks to both unconscious shopping moments where I thought I should add to the 3 pounds I already have. So I’ve started my first batch of ginger ale (which hopefully, fingers crossed, will turn out well enough tomorrow to blog it) – but I HAD to find other uses for it to share with you.

5 Ways to Use Fresh Ginger in Your Beauty Routine

First, it must be pointed out that because we’re working with fresh ginger, these things aren’t going to keep as long as you’d probably hope. In fact, most of these, you should use immediately.

And I have two great ginger tips for you before we get started:

• To peel ginger, just use the side of a spoon. This is a pretty well-known tip, but it must be mentioned. You don’t need a fancy peeler to peel the skin from the ginger – in fact, I often feel that my peeler is too thorough when I use it on ginger. Just tilt your spoon to the side and use the edge to scrape down the ginger. The top layer should peel off easily and quickly.
• Peeled ginger keeps very well for months in the fridge, if you submerge it in a high-quality, high proof alcohol. Just peel the ginger and break it into manageable pieces and then pour vodka or vermouth or even sherry (though vodka is best). If you’re planning on using it to cook with, the alcohol will just cook right off when you do. And, bonus: You’ll have ginger-infused vodka to make a new, fancy martini with.

Now. Beauty. Skin. Your health. Starting with the toes.

Mustard-Ginger Detoxifying and Destressing Foot Soak

A long-famed traditional home remedy for aches, colds, chills, and general fatigue and sickness, mustard foot baths are the bomb for the days or nights where you just don’t feel up to snuff.

 

 

Add a little fresh ground ginger in with it, and you’ve got yourself a foot bath that will help warm you, relax the muscles in your feet, and detoxify your system straight through the soles.

You don’t need a fancy foot bath like I have (in fact, I wouldn’t have it if it weren’t for someone literally making me take it – it’s a little frivolous, to be sure). Just fill your bathtub (or another large foot-sized basin) up with very warm water and add your ingredients.

Of note, hot water “deactivates” mustard, making it milder and not as potent. So it’s best to do your mustard-ginger foot baths in warm water, not piping hot.

 

 

Fresh Ginger for Hypopigmented Scars (or White Scars)

Hypopigmented scars or skin has lost its pigmentation – and is either white or a much lighter color than your actual skin tone. Incredibly enough, ginger will fix this issue.

 

I first read about this phenomenon in one of my natural beauty books, but I took to the internet to find out if anyone had any practical experience with ginger actually helping to return the skin to its natural color.

And yes. Yes, there is plentiful anecdotal evidence that ginger actually significantly reduces the appearance of hypopigmented skin.  Here’s a blog dedicated to it as well as a forum – if you want to read more.

In the meantime, here’s how you do it: Each day (or even twice a day) cut a VERY small sliver of fresh ginger and dab it on the hypopigmented areas. Don’t wash off. Just leave the juice there. According to the forums I’ve read, most people see a slight improvement within a week or two, and within a few months, their scars are nearly completely back to normal color. The important thing is, do this every day. Without fail.

Rejuvenating Ginger-Lemon Body Scrub

One of ginger’s most notable qualities is its invigorating, fresh, and spicy feeling. Add it with a bit of lemon zest in a sugar scrub, and you have a body scrub that will warm you up and wake you up at the same time.

 

And here’s a secret for you: Ginger is highly-regarded as one of nature’s best cellulite reducers, so if you do this regularly, you may see a difference in the bumps! (And ginger essential oil is a staple in my Nutty Butt Butter.)

 

Romantic, Warming Ginger-Rose Massage Oil

Well, Valentine’s Day IS coming up. And if you start a batch of this now, you should be good to go by the big day. I can’t think of a better gift for your significant other … that you can BOTH enjoy (regardless of who’s doing the massaging).