Available Now
spacer
spacer spacer  Email spacer  Print
Dec 1, 2011
12:43 PM
MomSpeak

The Color Complex

By Rachée Fagg
spacer

The Bee

Driving from my sister's house, The Bee was telling me about her time hanging with her girlfriends. "Mommy! M-- got into it with a kid who called her fat. She called him fat back and then the boy turned to me and said that I was Black."

At this point I gripped the steering wheel tightly but kept what I hoped was a blank look on my face as she continued her story but inside I seethed. Really, in this day and age, there are still people, young people at that, using race as an insult? I muttered about ignorant folk, but aloud I asked what she said back to him and she replied that she looked the boy in his eye and said to him, you know you're Black too. The boy replied, 'Nah uhn' and then he had nothing else to say. When I asked her how she felt about what he said, she shrugged and said that his words didn't matter and then asked if she could use the computer when we got home.

My daughter is a beautiful chocolate color, her skin is smooth, flawless and perfect. She reminds me of Beverly Peele — regal, exquisite. But for some crumb snatcher to dare insult her and attempt to make her skin color a negative really pisses me off. Color is such an issue. My Twitter timeline is all atwitter about the girls from videos (please God, don't let The Bee think she needs to be one of those), the women on television, the way we are represented on television and heck, even I mentioned something about skin color. It's there, it’s a thing and I was so confident and a tad naive that it wasn't going to be our thing.

It is so sad that all of The Bee's awesome qualities can be dismissed with a glance at her skin.

When The Bee was a baby I remember people studying her ears to see “what color she would be” and advising me to keep her out of the sun. As she got older, people would see the two of us together and would remark, “She must look like her dad.” (She did and at times does, but what the ham fat?). Even now when we run into people who have heard me speak about The Bee they look at her, then me, and remark about how she doesn't look like me. I've even had one person study us and say, "Oh, her dad must be dark." ('kay?) Now I often worry about how she will be perceived. Like many families, my family represents many shades of “black.” Growing up I can remember it being an issue for some, but I always felt that my skin color was nothing more than a palette for getting dressed.

When I speak to other parents about this issue it seems to be something that comes up often. There are stories about their kids wishing they were blonde (Barbie's flowing mane is the envy of many), had longer hair, were lighter...darker? A friend worried about how to break the news to her daughter that her hair would never look like Tiana from Disney's Princess and the Frog.

It is so sad that all of The Bee's awesome qualities can be dismissed with a glance at her skin. It seems even worse that it can be at the doing of someone that looks like her. The Bee seems happy, doesn't express to me a desire to look differently and I am hopeful she is getting good esteem, but I still want to find that little crumb cruncher and slap some sense into him. Or hug him.

spacer I will continue to make sure my kid is still a good person inside and out, but for now we are getting our sunscreen (cause Black folks get cancer too) and continuing to head to the outdoors.

Rachée Fagg is a Delaware County, PA mom. Check out her blog, Say It Rah-shay.

Add your comment:
  • Log In

Create an account, or please log in if you have an account.




Forgot your password?
Verification Question. (This is so we know you are a human and not a spam robot.)

What is 10 + 9 ? 

Advertisement

About This Blog

Outstanding Delaware Valley mom bloggers share insights about their kids or themselves, family experiences or ways they handled parenting situations. Their items — often reposted from their blogs — reflect everyday experiences that anyone can relate to rather than political viewpoints or belief systems.

If you are an established Philadelphia-area, South Jersey or Delaware mom blogger and would like to participate in MomSpeak, e-mail editor@metrokids.com.

MomSpeak Contributors

Trish Adkins, Yoke
Stephanie Anderson,
     Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom
Jennifer Auer, Jersey Family Fun
Hillary Chybinski, My Scraps
Jessica Cohen, Look Who Found the Marbles
EJ Curran, Four Little Monsters
Darla DeMorrow, The Pregnant Entrepreneur
Rachée Fagg, Say It Rah-Shay
Stephanie Glover, A Grande Life
Erin Flynn Jay, Flynn Media
Brandi Jeter, Mama Knows It All
Kelly Jopson-Brown, The Turnip Farmer
Marion Kase, Helicopter-Caterpillar
Lisa Lightner, A Day in Our Shoes
Jeanine Ludwikowski, Mommy Entourage
Jeanne McCullough, Mom Hearts Pinot
Trina O'Boyle, O’Boy! Organic
Julia Meyers Pron, Just Precious
M.B. Sanok, JerseyMomsBlog
Jo-Lynne Shane, Musings of a Housewife
Paige Wolf, Spit That Out!

More on this topic »Mom Matters

spacer

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!(without stepping on others)

Here’s how to speak up assertively and successfully when you find yourself too often putting aside your own interests.

By Heidi Smith Luedtke, PhD

More on this topic »Mom's Health

spacer

Overcome These 5 Exercise Hurdles

Here are common reasons why we balk at putting on walking shoes and stocking the fridge with fruits and veggies.

By Kathy Sena

More on this topic »Ask Momma

spacer

Flashcards and Pusher Parents

Ask Momma tees off on parents who don't let their kids be kids.

By Jeanne Martin

Popular Articles

  1. MetroKids Super Camp Fair Photos
  2. New Autism Label Would Eliminate Asperger Syndrome and PDD-NOS
  3. Make it a Meaningful Monday
  4. First Look: Van Gogh at the Philadelphia Museum of Art
  5. 5 Reasons To Go to the Super Camp Fair
  6. Mommy's Not Guilty Anymore
  7. Dinosaurs on Display
  8. 5 Kids' Health Issues To Watch in 2012
  9. Cuddly Characters
  10. Language Camp: World-Class Fun
gipoco.com is neither affiliated with the authors of this page nor responsible for its contents. This is a safe-cache copy of the original web site.