Lessons From Cyber-Pet Ownership
If you read Monday’s post, you know that when William and Vivian asked for a pet, I lied. It my brand of parenting: say something I’m bound to regret.
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson, however, handled this question (and all other questions, I suspect) much better. She even managed to get some cyber-gore.
I am incredibly honoured that Renée is guest posting here today. When random number generator declared her the winner of the guest blog I gave away for my 200th post, I did my happy dance. She is a fantastic writer, teacher, and friend. She blogs at Lessons from Teachers and Twits. And she is a dynamo. Enjoy this post, and then go subscribe to Renée’s blog HERE.
*
When Monkey turned 8-years old, he started asking for a pet. To read about our epic fail on this front, click here. Seriously, I can’t explain it again, except to say, we don’t have a dog or a cat. Or a fish or a gerbil or a guinea pig.
That said, we’re all okay.
Things have been going along just fine in our hair-free, dander-free, fin and feather-free house. So fine, in fact, that Hubby and I recently gave Monkey permission to purchase his first computer game, Minecraft. Our gift was the gift of permission, but Monkey still had to pay for the game with his own stash.
So now Monkey wakes up every morning to play his new game.
Currently he’s aimlessly running around a cyber-landscape trying to avoid creepers, arrow-wielding skeletons, zombies and spiders while simultaneously building amazing structures and cultivating cacti.
Don’t ask.
Although, if you have an 11-year-old son, chances are you know exactly what I am talking about.
And I am so very sorry.
Anyway, the other morning I came downstairs, and Monkey was positively exuberant.
“Mom!” he shouted from his place in front of the computer in a voice way too loud for 7:30 AM. “I have a wolf!”
As it turns out, Monkey was all geeked up about a cyber-wolf that had wandered into his territory. When Monkey offered it a bone, a red collar magically appeared around Wolf’s neck, indicating that Wolf had been tamed and that Monkey was his master. Apparently, a puff of hearts simultaneously shot out of Wolf’s body and hovered in the sky for a few moments. Monkey led Wolf back to the cyber-structure he had built, and they were happy.
But we all know, happiness is short-lived — especially in computer games.
About 30 minutes later, after he had used up his daily-recommended allowance of computer time – (thank you, Steve Jobs for making Parental Controls even this twit can manage) — Monkey wandered into the kitchen looking a little sullen.
“Wolf’s gone.”
“What happened?” I asked, trying to appear concerned while munching on toast.
Monkey shrugged. “I must’ve left the door open. I guess he got out.”
“Sorry buddy,” I said, then asked brightly, “Wanna practice your piano?”
That was insensitive; after all, Monkey was grieving.
The next morning I came downstairs and Monkey was at it again.
“Mom!” my child screeched in a decibel that cyber-wolves quite possibly could hear if they had real ears instead of virtual-ones. “Wolf came back!”
“Awesome!” I said, feigning interest because seriously who gives a crap about a cyber-wolf? “So he’s yours again?”
“No,” said Monkey. “It was awful.”
Whaaat? I was confused. Too much coming and going too early in the morning.
“Wolf came back, and I thought he was tame because he had that red collar on, so I went over to him. He tried to maul me!” Monkey gesticulated wildly and then lunged. “I had to slice his head off.”
So much carnage and all before 7:30 AM.
Monkey shrugged. “I guess I’m really not meant to have a pet. In real life or on the Internet,” Monkey said with a little smile.
And you know what? I’m cool with that. Monkeys probably shouldn’t have pets.
What pet did you always wish for but never got?
Tell your friends:
- StumbleUpon
- More
53 Responses to Lessons From Cyber-Pet Ownership
Pingback: I’m in Manitoba Visiting Ironic Mom, Eh! « Lessons From Teachers and Twits
First of all, congrats on Monkey learning responsible pet ownership on his own without actually having to own a pet or clean up random piles of liquid spewed from animal openings. If nothing else, he will be more aware if he ever does get a real pet–unless it’s a wolf. Then I would be worried.
My mom is like Dr. Doolittle so we always had animals growing up–rabbits, birds, dogs, cats, horses–but now we’re down to a dog (well, my mom’s dog.) I’ll never have kids, so animals are my thing
I would love a pygmy goat. We’ve never actually had one of our own due to zoning issues, but I love them! Be glad Monkey doesn’t want a goat…
Hi Abby:
If Monkey knew pygmy goats were an option, it might revive the pet discussion. As for me, I was out at “spew.”
How hard is it to learn the Canadian language? Has a moose tried to eat you?
Did you know the name for the province of Manitoba comes from either the Ojibwa word “manito-bah” or the Cree “manito-wapow,” meaning “strait of the spirit”? At least, that is what my research says.
So far I have avoided the moose on the loose.
Oh, I get it. You’re not actually in Canada. Just virtually. Took me a few minutes. Very clever.
When I was a small child I wanted a dog because the kids on television always wanted dogs. In retrospect I’m glad my parents refused. I’m definitely more of a cat person. Congrats on winning the guest post, Renee. Monkey has proven that video games can teach us things about ourselves. I don’t think I had that much introspection at that age. Probably because my parents wouldn’t let me get video games. I should tell them this.
Hi Mark! I held out on all pets, but then it just seemed cruel to not allow him to play one video game.
He. Is. So. Addicted.
Your parents were smart folks.
“I had to slice his head off.”
Bbaaaaahhhaaaa!! Oh, I love it, love it!
Thank you for posting about this game because I have two boys who would like a dog. Well, one wants a dog, the other wants to be allowed to play video games – this kills two..erm, dogs with one stone.
Leanne’s Number Generator was wise to have plucked your name out – I love your humour (note the previously Canadian spelling here, just for you) and the way you paint pictures with words. Well done, Mama!
Welcome to Canada, by the way. Fancy a visit to Ontario some day? xo
Hey Bellymonster!
Are you really in Ontario? Why, that’s a hop, skip and a jump from here! It’s right on the way to IKEA! We shall have to discuss this further!
All I can say is keep them kiddies away from pets and video games for as long as possible. Seriously.
I love this story. And the lessons in it are useful at my house – having to battle the pet thing already. With a three year old.
Hi MamaB:
Three-year olds are powerful because they are so stinkin’ cute. Just know YOU will be the one to do everything. Everything. If you know that (and want to be that person), you will be the best momma in the whole world. I wasn’t built for pets AND dogs. Hubby’s allergies did not help. Neither did his golf game.
Ah Minecraft. My guys just introduced me recently as well. We killed zombies and built sweet houses. I wasn’t around if a wolf came though. Fun post!
So I take it you are not addicted the way Monkey is. It’s all he wants to do.
Wonder if Monkey could take care of our rabbit for us. I’d be all for it getting lopped. Good story, Ren-eh.
Monkey would go Glenn Close with the bunny. He’s watched too much Top Chef to let a perfectly good bunny go to waste.
My sons, 15 and 10, play Minecraft. It’s weird, but cool. Different creatures wander in, or “spawn,” and suddenly there’s a black sheep baa-ing around the place. My 10 yr old has a sweet set up, with movable bookcases revealing hidden rooms, a pen for his pet wolf, glass floors, the works. It’s part creative, part addictive. Fun post, Renee!
Hi K.B.:
So you have two little addicts, I take it. My son plays with friends on things called “servers,” so they can play together. They shriek like girls.
“Omigosh, I hear something. Do you hear it?”
“I don’t hear… Wait, I do. I hear something!”
“You’re standing on a creeper! He’s right underneath you!”
“Ohmygosh! Can you get it? Can you, huh huh? Can you get it?”
It goes on like that for hours.
But you already know that, right?
I always wanted a hedgehog as a pet. Heck, who am I kidding I still do. I have no idea what to call him/her though. Mr. Prickles? Hedgey?
Eric:
Come in my backyard. You can watch the one that is eating all of our tomatoes. He’s really great.
Excellent guest post Renee! I hope Monkey never has to slice the head off of a real anything. Lopping heads off of Zombies is a personal favorite of mine so, I get where Monkey is at with that. Gotta defend yourself. We’ll be here for you when the real zombie infestation occurs.
I thought I always wanted a horse. Not so much because there is always somewhere I can go to ride and shovel manure should the need arise. Now my real true animal yearning leans toward Angora Rabbits. Almost doable, and yes it is fiber related.
Heather:
Of course you want a pet that would produce yarn for you. THAT is positively brilliant. I can picture your Angora Rabbit hooked up to some strange contraption so as its hair grew, you could knit scarves and sweaters and socks.
Me, I was a horse-girl. I loved riding horses, but they didn’t come in our house. They stayed in a barn. And we had to drive to get there. My parents totally knew what they were doing.
I have a 12 and 14 year-old.
I know Minecraft.
Intimately.
(i know. so. lucky.)
Whatever you do, don’t get a long-haired guinea pig.
This has nothing to do with Minecraft. It’s just good pet advice from an owner who knows better.
Now.
How many babies did HE have?
And how bad was the smell?
And how much screeeeeing?
See, I understand.
I’ve had a plethora of pets: lizards that ate each other, gerbils that escaped and died behind the fridge, a guinea pig that committed suicide( don’t ask), fish that lasted three days, and a big, dumb sheepdog that had the audacity to die at my grandmother’s while I was on vacation! All I ever wanted was a pet that didn’t croak on me before its time! I now have two lovely cats who cause me to dust and vacuum daily, but the trade off seems to be worth it!
Adorable post, as always, Renee! I hope a new wolf wanders into Monkey’s virtual woods and decides to stay for the long haul!
Sprinkles! Are you psychic? As a matter of fact a new wolf has entered Monkey’s territory and he learned you have to make them “sit” and “stay” before you go out of the house. So maybe this wolf will be around for a while. If Wolf 2.0 gets aggressive, well, clearly Monkey doesn’t seem to have a problem with the “off with his head!” part of the show.
I’m glad he recovered so well. I’ve never had to slice the head off a pet, but when I was about 7 I had a dog who loved to pull my braids. She thought they were ropes and she wanted to play tug of war. Needless to say, I came home from school one day, and she was gone.
Hi Journeytoephiphany:
You don’t sound all broken up about the whole pet thing. Fabulous braids before dawgies, eh? Parents do have a way of making things vaporize. It’s a super-power.
O M G. Too funny – the poor little mauling cyber-wolf!
When I was a kid, I always wanted a cat. We had NO PETS at our house, except for the occasional incursion of goldfish (which would mysteriously be gone after a period of several months, one day after school… Mom always said they died, but I suspect they got flushed “just because.”). I wanted a cat so badly I decided to become one, meowing at anyone who would pay attention to me.
Our cat recently joined the big litter box in the sky – and we’re having serious cat-withdrawals, here. Husband says the next cat must be orange, so our options ar