Conflict with Divorce

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Her Side of the Story

The child support is late…AGAIN! Every month we deal with this! My ex-husband does not care about our kids, only himself. Many of the household bills are late and my paycheck can’t be stretched any further. Because he doesn’t listen to my pleas for making the payments on time, I must use my lawyer and a judge to force him to do the right thing. The stress that he causes me is unbearable and then it gets all over our children. What a selfish, useless man!

His Side of the Story

My hours were cut at work…AGAIN! My job choices were limited and I took what I thought would be “the one.” My goals are to provide for my children and still have enough left over to pay the rent. My ex-wife will surely have me in court for the umpteenth time over this. Why can’t she see that I am trying my hardest? My parenting time is already minimal and I am scared she will convince the courts to take the children away from me completely.

In society today, this is a familiar tale of divorced couples with children. Upon making the decision to end the relationship, they choose the traditional litigation route in reaction to fear, anger and a desire for retribution. Emotions run high and opportunities for misunderstandings are frequent. Couples inadvertently turn to their attorneys for support. The legal problem solver then begins to function as a therapist. Most attorneys are not trained to handle the emotional impact of divorce on their clients. The result is an inordinate amount of billed hours discussing feelings as opposed to legal details. As a Conflict Coach for divorced couples with children, I help the couple to collaborate by keeping the family at the center, especially the needs of the children.

More About Conflict

Conflict between divorced couples is not always dealt with constructively and amicably, but rather used as an opportunity to attack. Unnecessary additional problems arise which causes avoidance or emotional escalation. It has been said that there are two types of disagreements: ones with problems that can be solved and others that lead to gridlock. A Conflict Coach can help couples get through both scenarios. With a safe environment to communicate and be heard in, couples can reach resolution. When in gridlock, the objective is to discover the core difference that is causing the conflict and teach them how to live with it, while still honoring and respecting each other.

Change Your Story. Change Your Life.

Excerpts in this writing references work done by Dr. John Gottman, the nation’s foremost researcher in marriage and parenting and co-founder of The Gottman Relationship Institute. For more information, visit: www.gottman.com
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