Sharon Silver

Family » Parenting » Proactive Parenting

6 Ways to Prevent Sibling Rivalry

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by Sharon Silver on February 8, 2012 · 0 comments


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spacer When siblings fight, everyone in the family is affected. When a parent hears, “Give it to me!” “Get away from me!” or “No, m-i-n-e!” their first reaction is to yell, “Stop it!” or “How many times have I told you!”

Many parents with more than one child have told me: “They fight terribly. . .They will play happily for ten minutes and then the fighting begins again.” Sound familiar?

Kids fight for many reasons. Just like everything else in childhood, the underlying reason kids fight is that they need to learn something.

 

What Can Kids Possibly Learn from Fighting?

 If you were to look at a family tree you’d see that siblings are listed on the same arm of the tree. That means they are of equal status when it comes to the rules in a family. But the sibling relationship is bigger than that. It’s actually a child’s first opportunity to learn about and prepare for long-term relationships. Read More

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Family » Parenting » Proactive Parenting

How to End Power Struggles Over Food and Sleep

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by Sharon Silver on February 1, 2012 · 6 comments


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How many times have you been in a power struggle with your child over food or sleep?

One big reason parents get trapped into these types of power struggles is because we think we “should” have the power to decide what, when and how much our child eats, and how, when and where our child should sleep. After all, we’ve been making those decisions since they were born.

But as I’ve said before, “A parent’s job is to slowly release a child to him or her self, bit by bit.” Doing that is a long slow p-r-o-c-e-s-s that begins around age 2 when a child is making their first bid for independence. The truth is, trying to control “all” food and sleep issues will only end up trapping you in power struggles.

The key to ending the struggles is to give your child “some” control — without relinquishing “total” control. 

How do you do that? You begin by being honest about what you can and can’t control, and change course when you find yourself forcing the issue.

Ending Struggles Over Food

You know you can’t force your child to eat something if they don’t want to. They’ll just shut their mouth, spit it out or throw up. However, there are ways to make things a bit easier and help stop power struggles on your end. Read More

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Family » Parenting » Proactive Parenting

How to Deal with Back Talk

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by Sharon Silver on January 25, 2012 · 15 comments


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 spacer Don’t you dare talk to me that way! 

When a child is being verbally disrespectful, or as we called it in our home, “emotionally biting” someone, a parent’s defensive wall goes up and she screams right back! Most parents who are having loud, ugly words screamed at them would react. The question is, “is there another option?” Yes, there is.

First, let me say that I firmly believe that parents should not be disrespected, or have to endure any kind of emotional rudeness, but it does happen. Once it happens a parent feels like there’s only one thing to do to stop it: punish! I want to offer another way, one that not only stops the rude and disrespectful behavior in its tracks, but also teaches. Read More

Family » Parenting » Proactive Parenting

8 Ways to Make Video Games Palatable

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by Sharon Silver on January 18, 2012 · 9 comments


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spacer Every kid begs for video games. Parents hear the plea over and over again until they’re so worn down they knuckle under and buy one. But as soon as you buy the game, the real trouble begins: junior sits down and won’t get up. And when he does, he’s aggressive, screaming, “But the game isn’t finished!” At that point you wonder, “What have I done?!”

Electronics are part of your daily life, too. You’re reading this online, I just hung up from my cell phone, most of your Christmas gifts were probably bought online to avoid the crowds, and soon you’ll be hopping over to Facebook to see how the holidays went for your “friends.”

Like it or not our children will need to know how to use electronics and computers in order to be successful in this world.

Did you know that the underlying principal for every video game is…wait for it…math, problem solving, and strategic thinking? Those are the skills your child is using and expanding as they play video games. Read More

Family » Parenting » Proactive Parenting

How To Stop Dumping Your Stress Onto Your Kids

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by Sharon Silver on January 11, 2012 · 9 comments


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spacer Now that the holidays are over and you’re back in the swing of things has the stress of life returned? Are rushed days triggering short fuses again? Is the joy of the holidays still with you or are you working hard, feeling frustrated, sad, tired and maybe angry? Has the stress begun to leak on to the kids again? If so, read on.

Who Has Time to Relax?

Many experts and articles suggest you take time for yourself, do some breathing, find your passion, have a date night, or add some “me time” to your day. Those are all great ideas; I’ve suggested many of them myself.

Even though those are all great ideas, I find I never use them. Why? Those suggestions all require that I do something. I don’t know about you, but when I come home frustrated, angry, sad or tired, I don’t have an ounce of energy left in me to do one more thing—I’m spent and ready to pounce! This week’s tip is very simple, very heartfelt, and reduces parental stress! Read More

Family » Parenting » Proactive Parenting

My Resolution: Getting Better Behavior Without Yelling

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by Sharon Silver on January 4, 2012 · 21 comments


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spacer Have you ever said this to a friend or felt this way about your spouse? “Every time he (dad) or she (mom) has to deal with the kids he/she ends up getting into a power struggle or argument with the kids. There’s always a threat involved, “if you don’t…then you won’t. The kids react badly to the veiled threat and refuse to do whatever is being asked of them. Why can’t she just say, “After you do this…then you can…?”

Every parent has days when they’ve yelled so much they’re at the end of their rope. Those are the days when you want to run away, and we’ve all been there. Before you pack your bags, let me share one possible reason why you’re being forced to yell, and suggest a way to change things. Read More

Family » Parenting » Proactive Parenting

Getting Kids to Cooperate Without Repeating Yourself

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by Sharon Silver on December 28, 2011 · 31 comments


31 Comments

spacer So many parents wonder, Does parenting mean needing to either yell or repeat myself in order to get my child’s attention?

Here’s my question. Is it possible that your children perceive your repetitions as warnings, that we all know will lead to an ultimatum, rather than as instructions to stop right away?

Each parent, child and family is different. That means that no one scenario I describe will address exactly what’s going on in your house, but see if this one comes close:

A child does something wrong or annoying and Dad says, “Stop it!” Then Dad goes back to reading the newspaper. The child doesn’t stop. Mom chimes in and says, “Stop it now!” Then Mom goes back to making breakfast. The child still doesn’t stop.

The parents continue saying, “Stop it!” two or three more times, adding in dashes of “I mean it!” and “I’m not kidding!” And still, the child doesn’t stop. Read More

Family » Parenting » Proactive Parenting

What to Tell Your Kids When They Ask if Santa’s Real

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by Sharon Silver on December 21, 2011 · 12 comments


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spacer Note: this is the 3rd and final part of a 3 part Holiday Parenting series. Links to previous posts are at the end of this post.

Santa is everywhere you look during the holiday season, and that can be confusing for children. Seeing so many Santas inevitably brings up the question, “Is Santa real? And if Santa is real, which Santa is real?” No parent wants to lie to his or her child. And no parent wants to burst the magical bubble that makes the holiday season so precious.

Some parents refrain from telling their kids the Santa myth because they don’t want to lie.

Where do you stand? How do you explain Santa to your children? Read More

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