Lessons In Courage Are All Around Us
by Marc Winitz
Watching the events unfold in the Middle East over the last month has resonated with me in a way I hadn’t expected it to. Sure, the images we are seeing on CNN of revolution in the streets of Tunisia and Egypt against oppressive regimes are riveting. But they also serve as a prominent reminder that we can be as strong as we want to be. It just takes courage to stand up for what we believe in. Yet that is hardly an easy step for many of us to take. Even more so when lives may be at risk.
I was blown away watching the young Egyptian Google executive, Wael Ghonim, describe with the most intense and genuine emotion why he anonymously started a FaceBook page after the events in Tunisia that lead to the mass protests in Egypt and his detention by state security for over two weeks. Although he deflects the courage label, the man is a moving study in courage or as Stephen Colbert says “balls”. It’s worth watching all three videos, simply for historical context of what is going. A perspective we don’t really see or get from the coverage by western media outlets.
And to me Mr. Ghonim’s condition and situation is such a self development example, and one worth pondering. Most of us lack courage. Even the most successful people in society don’t usually possess it. In fact some successful people aren’t courageous at all.
Some people may be natural risk takers, and that takes a level of courage. I mean risk taking in the sense of being an entrepreneur, or speaking up for unpopular positions that may be go against conventional thinking, but may also be the right thing to do.
But it can also be on a much more personal level:
- Many people lack the courage to put themselves “out there” in social situations, for example.
- Or they fail to speak up in work settings when they see the direction an employer or supervisor is going isn’t right, but saying something may put them at risk of looking bad in front of peers. Or worse losing a job.
- Or they are afraid to approach someone they are interested in romantically for fear of being rejected.
Or perhaps one of the most common examples of a lack of courage – not trying for fear of failure.
For years, I lacked the personal courage to get up in front of people and speak publicly, a problem many people face. Years of karate training got me over this and now I speak publicly in front of hundreds of people at a time. And it’s something I really enjoy doing. But this is a different kind of courage because it isn’t reckless. Other than my own fears, I had little to lose (other than throwing up on an audience) by gradually getting comfortable speaking in front of others with many chances to succeed or fail.
Yet, I have also experienced a level of reckless courage of the type demonstrators in Tahrir Square in Cairo are experiencing. I don’t mean to say I put my life on the line in a police state – because that truly is both reckless and courageous (and it’s also the right thing to do). But I have gotten in the sparring ring with competitors that were bigger, faster and better than I was (and got clocked in the process) which took some form of courage (or stupidity depending on how you look at it).
I don’t equate the type of personal courage I have described here to be at all at the level of what is happening by brave and desperate people a half a world a way that don’t have the opportunity to live in peace and freedom. But it is worth thinking about what being courageous means to us on a personal level. And it’s refreshing to see such a powerful example unfold right in front of us as an example we can all learn from.
Photo by Redwood 1
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Out Of My Comfort Zone
by Marc Winitz
Sometimes you just need to walk down a different path. To move away from your comfort zone temporarily to get a new perspective. I started Black Belt Guide at the beginning of this year as a vehicle for sharing my own thoughts and experiences of martial arts study and practice as a powerful form of personal development. There is a lot of personal development advice offered on the web. And some of it is pretty good. But a lot of it is lacking simply because those offering it don’t have a basis for really having done any of the long term work required to make change on a personal level. And by extension some of that advice just doesn’t sit well with me. Not that I know it all, I don’t. But I have found over the last year by visiting other blogs in the personal development space, something is really missing here.
Intense Learning on a Personal Level
I decided to talk a hiatus, a three month break from blogging. It’s not recommended, or particularly a good idea when you are building a blog and an audience. But I felt that while I enjoyed blogging and writing things I found to be important to me, I only wanted to do it if I had something to say. Nothing forced or unnatural. One of the other reasons I started this blog has been to learn about Web 2.0 technology and the social web. Again, not participating in it for three months may have not been the best move on one level, but I decided to channel my efforts into a new path, learning about search engine optimization (SEO), community engagement, web strategy, and working with video for social media (check out my new video).
I have spent a lot of my spare time over the last three months understanding these areas and I think they will have a direct impact on the new direction of my blog.
Being of Like Minds Stunts Growth
Honestly, I was lost for the first six months writing this blog. The content I generated was good as I received very positive feedback from a lot of people about what I was saying. I wanted the blog to grow so I commented on other peoples blogs hoping to drive traffic from “like minded” communities. The problem is that I wasn’t particularly crazy about a lot (not all) of the blogs I visited. Commenting became a chore. And I didn’t agree with the idea that I had to be part of a particular community (e.g. the self development community) for this blog to be effective. I have a lot of interests and read a lot of blogs, but they are not all self development. And I don’t see it as necessary to read other personal or self development blogs for this one to be successful (unless I really want to read them).
Step Away So You Can Re-Engage
I viewed this as hitting a wall from a martial arts training perspective so I decided to stop doing what I was doing (which was sort of working) and to go off on another path. Just like in a dojo setting, when something isn’t working how you want it to, sometimes the best approach is simply to step away from what you are working on, train on something else for awhile and then go back at a later point and re-engage. It’s actually the same idea in combat (or sparring). If you keep getting scored on in the ring by your opponent’s round house kick (which means he/she can get to you before you can close the distance to make a kick effective) you need to try another strategy, to see another opening. That’s what I have done by taking a break with this blog.
On a go forward basis, I plan to do the following on Black Belt Guide:
- Only post when I have something I want to say that I think is important. The quantity of posts is not particularly important to me;
- Post on a wider variety topics. While this blog is devoted to personal development, it’s also my personal blog. I may post on technology, travel, cooking, charity, green living, all the things that interest me – I’ll just do it from a Black Belt Guide perspective.
Initially my idea was to write on the core topics that martial artists develop through training over long periods of time. Things like discipline, motivation and teaching. I am not walking away from that, I am just going the broaden the topics I want to write about.
Thanks for Your Patience
If you have been a reader of my blog, I appreciate the time you have spent to come by and spend a few minutes to read what I write. I am sure my audience has dwindled since I took a break without explanation, but I felt it more important to disconnect from the social web and go look at other methods and ideas, and develop some new skills I can apply to this blog to make it more effective and meaningful for me personally.
Photo by divemasterking2000
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You Are A Teacher
by Marc Winitz
One of the most appealing parts to being a black belt and training in any martial art is the ability to make a difference in peoples lives. Over the course of our lives we have many interactions with teachers. But being a teacher does not have to require being in a school room, although I have certainly had influential school room experiences. At the end of the day a teacher is someone that makes a difference in your life. After years of training and becoming a teacher I began to realize that they are many “teachers” in the world. Not all teachers are created equally and some offer more wisdom than others. However, most people have something to offer that is teachable even in small doses.
Small Ways to Make a Big Difference
I recently read an e-book by a personal development blogger named Raam Dev. Raam decided to leave his corporate life behind and is traveling the world to explore for himself issues of poverty and cultural evolution while learning the challenges that most people face outside of first world countries. This is also a personal journey as he blogs about his personal evolution. His recently completed e-book brings together thoughts and opinions from other bloggers across the globe and you can download it here. The book provides small pearls of wisdom, some readily useful, others that may or may not make a difference to a specific reader. But for me it also points to the fact that there are many types of teachers, regardless of their position in life, training or formal credentials. And that is worth exploring.
Meritocracy Matters but so does Aged Wisdom
In Japan the term “sensei” is used to refer to a teacher. As age is equated with wisdom (and not always merit or accomplishment we see in Western culture) the term literally translates to “one who has gone before”. This simply honors the tradition that someone else has more life experience based on chronological age. Something we have pretty much forgetten in our current society. In a karate dojo your length of time in training is your “chronological age” so someone that is 16 years old but has trained for one year can offer a level of wisdom and knowledge to someone who is in their 40’s but brand new to training.
Yet we live in age and culture where progress and accomplishment are deeply valued. So much so that we equate success with wisdom. And while there is some truth to this idea, it’s not the entire picture.
Whether we realize it or not, all of us are teachers whether we want that responsibility or not.
Teachers Are Everywhere, Just Look For Them
Whether or not you intend to make a difference in someone else’s life chance are that you have more influence than you realize. In effect, you own pearls of wisdom are valuable. So, what types of people qualify as teachers? Here are the obvious ones:
- Parents - In my mind parents are the ultimate teachers. Simply because they hold so much influence in the development of their children from their attitudes about respect and manners to work ethics and values.
- Coaches - Perhaps the easiest group to classify as a teacher outside a formal classroom, coaches (sports or professional/business/life) are focused on formation and advancement of the individual around a specific set of goals. Coaches typically drive towards personal accountability and are the closest to a “sensei” that I can associate with.
- Work Colleagues – Certainly a boss or supervisor can be a teacher simply because you can learn from a superior if they are competent. Yet our peers in the work force are also candidates to be classified as “teacher”. Sometimes we simply need to look at them in a different light to see this and not rule out someone’s contribution or thoughts simply because of their position relative to our own.
- Religious Leaders – Whether you seek the counsel of a rabbi, pastor, imam or some other credible spiritual advisor, religious leaders are very much teachers simply because they usually impose self examination as part of their work (usually).
- Friends - Trust matters in teaching and often we grant more leeway to our friends as teachers than we realize. This occurs simply because we are more receptive to the social proof of others, especially people we already trust. Whether or not a friend’s comments or thoughts are really useful is a personal matter but there can be no doubting we learn, sometimes eagerly, from friends, even if we don’t intend to see them that way. And this is simply because we are willing to try something that a friend suggests.
- Siblings - Ever had an older brother or sister? ‘Nuf said.
- Bloggers - The fact that someone writes their opinions doesn’t make them a teacher. However, many people that blog very much fall into “sensei” role simply because of the social element of social media and the attached social proof. In addition, we usually assign more value to what is written (because it is on paper, even electronically) than what is spoken. Some of my favorite “electronic senseis” include social media expert Mark Schaeffer who writes the top social media marketing blog Businesses Grow, and venture capitalist and top business blogger Mark Suster (who writes an interesting piece on social proof in investing here) at Both Sides of the Table, and the travel (and by extension business) empire oriented Chris Guillebeau who pens The Art of Non Conformity. In varying ways all of these bloggers (who are also savvy business people) make a difference in peoples lives in very public and pronounced ways.
You Are a Teacher
Whether or not you realize it you are most likely a teacher. The scale of what you teach and the contribution of what you offer may vary greatly from others. But even your smallest actions do make a difference whether you see it or not. A simple e-book reminded me of this. You do not need to be a sensei to understand and use this to your advantage for your own good or the good of others.
Thanks for training with me.
Photo credit courtesy of dalydose.
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Less Talking, More Doing
by Marc Winitz
I was in a meeting the other day that seemed to go on forever. Never mind the fact that I have inherent dislike for unfocused efforts that are time sucks. What I find really difficult are people that talk for the sake of talking without any action that follows. In the meeting I was in the person made a specific point that was valid. But then they made it again, only a different way. They complained about the situation. Then they remade their point. Again.
An Avalanche of Disruption
There are plenty of reasons to “explore” topics or even have conversations that go in an unfocused way so long as all parties agree that the session to be that way. However, most meetings, or meetups, aren’t mean’t to be like this. And I see this “exploration” spilling over into individual non-action which is the point of this post. Often times, even when we think we are focused we can easily get distracted. There is a lot of “talking” going on in the form of disruption including:
- Urgent but not important calls or emails by others (someone else’s crisis)
- No prioritization on the most important thing that you have get done (no discipline)
- Someone taking (or talking) your time away without asking permission for it (no limits)
- Unfocused use of social media and the internet (easy distraction)
In short, a lot of chatter goes on and comes from many directions, and you are in the center of it. Some of it is dumped upon you by others, and some self inflicted. In martial arts training any small distraction is termed a “suki” and literally translates to “a space between objects”. What it really means is that the mind is temporarily distracted from what it’s focus is. In combat that’s fatal. In feudal Japan a samurai faced his opponent with complete concentration not allowing the smallest distraction to disrupt their mental acuity. Being cut down (or in half) in an instant was the price for not paying attention. I see the parallel in our modern lives all the time (although not as dramatic but nearly as fatal as a time suck).
Beware of “The Pontificator”
On the training floor teachers keep students moving through continuous training exercises. When a drill is taught a group of students performs a technique and then he recieves feedback in form of criticism, as I have written about here. The purpose of the feedback is to provide a quick check in by others that can assess your technique and help make corrections. A critique should last 10-20 seconds. But often times the “pontificator” emerges going into explicit, often excruciating detail about what you did wrong, what you should improve, how you should do this or that, etc…We frown on that level of detail and often terse and loud comments of “less talking, more doing” are barked from a senior belt walking around the floor.
External Conversations
Most people talk simply to hear themselves as a form of personal validation. I see a lot of talking and not much doing. Talking in this context takes many forms as I defined in the bulleted list above. There is no one remedy for dealing with this however the following framework can help bring needed focus:
- Confirm in your mind that what another party is asking of you is worth your time. If not tell them you cannot get to their issue, or at least not in the current moment.
- If you are already in the conversation and can’t easily get out then you need to stop their talk track. Find a graceful way to interrupt or inject yourself into the conversation (pontificators don’t stop talking so you have to stop them).
- Briefly summarize their point. This provides them the validation they are seeking and allows you to re-direct the conversation in a way that let’s you move to the next topic.
- If appropriate, look for an action step (what should be done next) and use this in your summary of the immediate issue as a way to move to the next step.
Mike Myatt at one of my favorite leadership blogs, N2Growth, makes a great point on the sanctity of brevity in communicating with other people and it is worth a read.
Calm Your Mind and Find Your Flow
There is also a lot of “talking” that happens even if no one else is in the room. I have written extensively here and here about how our minds can easily get distracted (internal talking) and how to quickly re-focus. It bears stating that it takes real effort to keep yourself focused and your mind clear. There is no quick fix or 10 point list on how to do this. Even after decades of training I still struggle with staying focused and I am constantly working at it. For internal distractions here is simple framework for less talking and more doing:
- Often times external distractions really are just an excuse we create because we can’t think through a problem or issue. We think about anything except the issue at hand. This is “talking to yourself” only here you are the pontificator.
- The first step is just to recognize you are doing this and then bring yourself back to the problem you are working through.
- For mentally intensive activities such as writing, creating or problem solving we are typically most focused when we get into a “flow” state.
- It’s easier to be in a flow state when you are working on something you like doing. It’s when you are not that mental disruption occurs more frequently.
- In situtions when I cannot get into a flow, I try to break a problem down into smaller parts and focus on each part more fully so I have a greater chance of success in solving just a part of the problem.
- This provides a better opportunity for being in a peak performance mode. Aim to get yourself into this type of state if possible.
- There is usually a direct physical correlation as to why we can’t concentrate mentally. The most important connection is a mind and body unity that has to occur. Zen training this is often referred to as “moving meditation”.
- A simple way to do this is simply to quietly breathe for a moment, focusing on the breaths you take (which is a form of meditation). Often times just breathing and focusing on the effort calms your mind and your body down.
- Most people with no exposure to Martial Arts or Eastern practices will write this off as “flakey”. It’s not and it works. I do this all the time in business settings including high stakes negotiations and presentations to large groups.
Remember those samurai above facing down a sword that is going to cut them in half? There practicing moving meditation to survive. Less taking and more doing please.
Thanks for training with me.
Photo credit courtesy of db*Photography.
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Personal Freedom To Make A Stand
by Marc Winitz
I wouldn’t call myself a “flag waver” but I am patriotic. Grateful to live in a great country with tremendous opportunity and much more fairness than it is generally afforded. One of the reasons I write this blog is to “give back” through a digital form of teaching. My karate master, a Canadian, appreciated the opportunity being a US citizen provided to him and impressed that on all of his students, along with the importance of teaching others. That caused me to reflect on what it means to be free on a personal level as we celebrate July 4th in the United States. It’s interesting how we take certain rights for granted – liberty, free speech, the right to assemble. It’s easy to forget the trappings of a free society when freedom is everywhere.
The Independence of Personal Freedom
But many people also take other liberties for granted, and I mean this on a personal level. Often we find ourselves not succeeding, or being where we want to be in life, or simply wishing we were further along than we are. All of these issues boil down to one thing. You are free to succeed if you want to as you are the only one that ultimately stands in the way of where you are and where you want to go. Sure there are obstacles all around us. Our own fears. The motivations and/or agendas of other people. The natural course of circumstance and timing. But we can control the outcome of personal success by focusing on the fact that we have personal freedom to do as we wish. So, what are those freedoms? Here are some of the important ones worth focusing on:
Opportunity
Quite literally, opportunity is everywhere. Especially in Western society, and notably in the United States. Even in harsh economic times there is opportunity for success, you just have to work a little harder to get it, or look at a particular situation differently to see it. I had a conversation the other day with the CEO of company who I have worked with previously. He shared a new business model he and his team discovered. Originally the business he entered, while profitable, wasn’t poised to grow signficantly. A lot of competition, a global credit crisis making it difficult to expand, and pricing pressures that indicated his business was becoming commoditized were all issues he was contending with. He shared with me that he was personally down for a while about the situation but knew it fell to him to find a way forward. He stepped away from his business and his fears about it and looked at the situation differently, turning the business model on it’s head. By doing this he discovered a new market and grew his business 10 fold in 2 years, a remarkable feat.
- Just because something isn’t going your way doesn’t mean you can’t change the conditions that you face;
- Step away from a situation and try to look at it from different and unexpected angles as you may see new opportunities;
- If you don’t give up, opportunities will present themselves.
The Right To Succeed
This isn’t an inalienable right but it should be. Because most of the obstaces we face aren’t serious. They may be difficult but not serious. I have very deep interest in Central Asian cultures and have followed the war in Afghanistan closely. So this is a timely discussion given that is it Independence Day in the United States. Everyday life in this part of the world is not pleasant. War is all around. Corruption is rampant leading to an “unlevel playing field” and culturally, woman are subservient. Those are difficult conditions just to survive, much less thrive in. But we are already granted the right to succeed.
I had a phone conversation the other day with a friend that has hit a rough patch in his life. His personal situation, while not easy, wasn’t ”Afghanistan” bad. He was out of a job, had fallen behind due to the recession, and the prospects for getting work didn’t look good on the surface. He had been knocked down a few times. I am a good friend to this person but I would not let them off the hook as I sensed this was a pity conversation. I let him talk and then told him that our literal freedom is directly tied to our personal freedom. We are not living in Afghanistan just trying to survive. No matter how bad our personal situation is we have the right to succeed. We just need to remember that success can be there and we need to act on it as I have written about here.
- Keep your perspective when looking at your own personal situation;
- We often have more power to change our paths than we think we do.
Make A Stand for What’s Important
Over long periods of training and teaching in the martial arts it became very clear as to who would succeed in getting to a black belt level and who wouldn’t. Accomplishment came because those that wanted to get to a particular place decided they wanted specific success. They made a mental decision and took a personal stand to accomplish their specific goal. That sounds counter-intuitive but it really isn’t because they accepted what they would have to do in order to reach that success. And most people don’t do this, and rarely does it happen on any personal development level. You have have to this little battle with yourself and internalize it in order for it to work on your behalf. I see this both in and out of a training dojo all the time and all the people I know and work with that are successful by conventional standards or make it to black belt can be summed by two principles:
- They did not accept anything less than the goal(s) they knew they wanted to achieve, and
- They worked relentlessly to get to those goals.
I know this sounds obvious but it’s true. Was luck thrown in the mix? Perhaps in some cases. But “having luck” is not enough (or a good plan). You have the freedom to determine for yourself that you will be successful. This is not happy motivational talk, it’s a true self development trait requiring a mental shift in thinking. Make a stand.
On this holiday that celebrates independence and freedom