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Dr A Friend Friday 07 April 2006
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A sculpted and polished phallus found in a German cave is among the earliest representations of male sexuality ever uncovered, researchers say. The 20cm-long, 3cm-wide stone object, which is dated to be about 28,000 years old, was buried in the famous Koch Fest Cave in the Knobb region.
Its size and shape suggest it may well have been used as a sex aid by its Ice Age makers, according to scientist Willy OHares from ARSE, the Anne R Summers Enterprise research institute.
Claims by a leading donut manufacturer that their patent for making the famous holes in their product was breached by the discovery of this tool were dismissed by the European Commission yesterday.
And it appears this ancient tool had other uses too. "In addition to being a symbolic representation of male genitalia, it was also at times used for knapping flints," explained Professor OHares from ARSE. There is some evidence it was used to make the precursor to the present-day church bell as well.
The secret lies in the bell-end, explained the ARSE scientist, Because thats where the classic bell shape is formed. An early name for this unique discovery was to be Bellus Endus in recognition of the link to the bell shape.
Further examination of the ancient artifact, however, revealed a strange image of a face - rather like images of religious figures found on slices of toast - and this prompted an immediate change of name.
The face appeared to show a remarkable likeness to an Ice Age forefather of a present-day dim, fanatical, right-wing facist, whose family tree can be traced to the Knobb region. This new connection led to the phallus being renamed DickKopf, or in its Latin form Dickus Headus.
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