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Afghans Launch Cruise Line Death Ship for Muslims Converting to Christianity
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KABUL — Cashing in on the international frenzy to turn all cruise ships into floating killing fields, devout Afghani Muslims have launched a shipshape program many believe will be a boat load of fun and death.
Heres the promo:
Whether you are New Testament-influenced Muslim thinking about a stoning, beheading or even a simple death by firing squad, sign up now for Afghani Gulf Tours Christian love boat, Cruise to Christianity. Lets say you hit the decks and are lounging there on the towel you pulled off your head only to find yourself attracted to a blonde bimbo from Australia. Why suffer the frightful pre-death wetness after your wife throws you overboard?
Just get your cruisewear together and start mumbling Christ child. Cruise to Christianitys hemlock beverage director, Love Boat Isak, will get you straight to Dantes Inferno. Hell even do that famous finger pointing thing at you before you stop breathing.
Or lets say youre minding your own business on a typical cruise when someone leaves his cigarette burning. Who are you, something out of Blazing Saddles or that Vietnamese setting himself aflame in that notorious photo? Youre a cruising Jesus-loving Muslim, damn it, and if you need to be incinerated, youre going to do it on your own terms, i.e., singing the praises of the Easter Bunny before our First Mate, Al-Gofarr, pours gasoline on your head and strikes a match.
Feeling in an Achille Lauro-type mood and looking to be a kind of crucifix carrying version of Leon Klinghoffer? Well dont even think about succumbing to some raghead tossing you overboard in your late model wheelchair. Just roll yourself over to the Cruise to Christianity Death Office and have Captain Abdul Bin Stu Bing there plunge a Babylonian sword into your chest cavity. And guess what, your family can claim the wheelchair as a tax write off!
Finally, who can forget the ever popular Christmas Pie Induced Gastroenteritis? Why should you have to endure the nausea, vomiting and diarrhea while you immerse yourself in rosary beads and ask the eternally damning question: Jesus Christ, Doc, whos the cook here, Typhoid Mary?
Instead, when the first wave of stomach pain begins, cross yourself a couple of times and stumble on down to our own Dr. Jabbar Al-Kevorq Binsane for our special Almost Christian intravenous potion. That Gastroenteritis will be over really quickly.
Van Gross, MD
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Read these related stories:
Arabs Start Beheadings at US Ports, Seize Carnival Cruise Lines (1-Mar-06)
Arabs Cancel Newsweek Subscriptions, But Will Miss Anna Quindlens Column (25-May-05)
Arab Leaders Spell Good (3-Apr-02)
Arabs Eating Their Dates (1-Sep-04)
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