Ten Facts About Vaginas You Didn't Know

by Pete Puma

So, I'm at The Riphouse Gym, trainin' this cunt-doctor, and we're talkin' about cunts cause cunts are what he knows the most about since he studied cunts in college so he could become a cunt-doctor or whatever.  He starts tellin' me all this shit I didn't know about hottie-gashes, and since just rememberin' where the keys to my awesome low-rider Civic are is like hard work for me, I asked him to write the shit down so I could carry it around and impress bitches at parties or whatever.

Muscle-Dude Merit Badges

By Pete Puma

To Butch and me, a "scout" is usually the dude who checks a party for fuckable chicks before the rest of us go in.  But there's another meaning, douches.  See, there're boy scouts, eagle scouts, and Indian scouts, ya dig?  The first two are the ones that old gay dudes fuck in tents in the middle of the night out in the woods.  The other one cuts the tops of heads off white dudes, I think, which sounds pretty bad-ass, but that's a subject for another article or whatever.

Celebrity Spirit Animals

by Pete Puma

There's a new dude at The Rip House these days.  Turns out, this dude, who goes by"Chief Salmon Fingers," is from some place called the mid-west or some shit.  Now, the only fuckers we know from the mid-west are like humungous blobs of blubbery diarrhea who think that sittin' their lard-asses down on a big couch and eatin' Cheetos all day is bein' "into sports" or some shit.  Not this dude though.  Chief Salmon Fingers is like a huge fuckin' monadnock.  This asshole could beat the livin' shit outta a bear or whatever.

10 Facts You Didn't Know About Weightlifting

By Pete Puma and Butch Suede

There's a shitload of misinformativeness goin' 'round about weightliftin' these days, and Butch and I gotta set some crap straight...and maybe show off a little, flauntin' how much we know about pumpin' iron and whatever.