Fatherhood Programs

Fatherhood programs can not only help your school or institution connect better with men but also create some lasting benefits for all people involved. Here are four things to know about what fatherhood programs or presentations can do for your group.

1. You will empower men to be more active in their families.
Times have changed and men must no longer limit themselves to just the roles of just 9-5 workers who have no genuine contact with their kids. However, for many men there is still a divide between wanting to spend more time with their kids and knowing how to be active with their children. When you build programs that help men be better dads, you teach men how to move from being just a parent to an involved daddy.

2. You will create a more stable home environment for the children in your schools.
A parent who knows how to parent and nurture their children will have more chances to build a stronger home for their kids. When you teach men how to embrace fatherhood, you teach men to be present and responsive to their kids. Like a foundation in a building, this investment in the unseen support structure of fathering pays off. Knowledge creates power. This empowering of dads creates strong family foundations.

3. Dads will start to volunteer and participate more in your other offerings.
Here is the thing that many program coordinators aren’t aware of: many men are uncomfortable in school settings. Women dominate most educational settings and it can be intimidating for some men to enter into these political structures. By offering fatherhood programs that help men understand their roles with their children, you are signaling that you are a “man friendly” institution and the you are doing everything you can to acknowledge and accept their gifts of time and presence.

4. Programs taught by men for other men model good parenting behavior.
As your programs grow and you can begin to train and utilize men as presenters and instructors, you will be providing a role-model of strong fathers. Although female instructors are very capable to teach essential concepts, younger and new fathers will especially benefit from having male mentors in training positions. There’s an old adage that says “iron sharpens iron,” and this is especially true in helping men become good parents.

Although fatherhood programs in your school or program will initially seem to be for the good of the men themselves, you will find that your entire community will gain from the time and resources spent on teaching men to be good dads

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The author, Sean Buvala, has been storytelling and teaching fathering groups for more than 25 years. As well, he’s the author of “DaddyTeller: How to be A Hero to Your Kids.” He offers programs for fathers across the U.S. and Canada. You can learn more at www.fatherhoodprograms.net. You can also see many free training videos at his site at www.daddyteller.com

In my fatherhood programs and conversations, dads always comment that they are amazed what their sons have learned from them “when I never even talked about that.” Fathers, while you might think you only teach your son when you are talking to him, he is watching you and learning from your actions from a very early age. He’s learning these 10 things from you whether you think you are teaching or not.

1. How to learn.
For many boys, dad is the role model to follow for education. If dad talks positively about education and continues to pursue his own learning, then the son will see this as important. If the dad disdains learning, the son will, too. While there are many factors that play into school success for a boy, dad’s attitude toward formal learning is a foundational aspect.

2. How to treat women.
How a boy’s dad acts toward and talks about women will directly influence the son’s view of women. This applies to both the right and wrong way to behave. A man who treats women with respect will create a son who knows the right way to behave with women in the future.

3. How to play fair.
There are gracious ways to win and lose at both games and business. A dad who is living out some old issues and “must win” in every situation will create a son who will mimic that same behavior. This starts very early in life, with angry boys starting in the sandbox.

4. How to control anger.
Dealing with anger is probably the one thing that unites men on this planet across all categories. That angry boy mentioned in number 3 above needs his dad to step in and take control. While it is certainly normal that all men get angry, does your son see you remain in control of the angry actions you take?

5. How to treat others.
When you encounter the homeless on the street, how do you react? Do you treat the homeless with the same respect you show to your coworkers? People are people and your son learns about equality from you.

6. How to make a decision.
Does your son see you ask questions, weigh options and talk with others? Or, does he only see you rush headlong into the unknown? Which do you want him to do when he is older?

7. How to take risks.
On the other hand, do you always play it safe? While home should be a place for comfort and security, the world will sometimes require your son to “bet it all.” When he thinks of you, will he recall a man afraid of choice or one who takes calculated risks?

8. How to make priorities.
“My kid never spends time with his family.” He learns that behavior from dad. If you have put your work before your family, then in those adolescent years ahead, he will not make time for you.

9. How to drink.
As a dad, do you pride yourself on how many alcoholic drinks you can slam down? When your boy is faced with his first encounters with alcohol, do you want him to imitate your behavior? When he is in college, will he be trying to keep up with his “old man” who drinks like a proverbial fish? Or, will your son remember his responsible dad?

10. How to drive.
As an experienced driver, there is probably a certain comfort level you have attained in your driving, perhaps even making it look like a casual experience. Your teenager will make good driving decisions based on how he sees you drive. He’s been paying attention to how you drive long before you were aware of it. What’s he going to recall: casual indifference to the road and laws or a responsible man who made adult choices?

Dad, your boy is watching you. What is he seeing?

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Sean Buvala, is the author of “DaddyTeller: How To Be a Hero to Your Kids” and a national workshop presenter and coach. Photo illustration courtesy of Fotolia.

A sample video from one of Sean Buvala’s fatherhood programs.

Yep, money is tight but that is not going to stop you from being a great dad. First off, since this isn’t 1950 any more, I don’t have to tell you how important it is for you to find time to spend being Dad with your kids and not at your kids, right? With that settled, here are some ways you can do several fun things with your kids that will cost you nothing or are otherwise very inexpensive.

1. Take a walk.

Go walking your children around the block, around the park, around your back yard if you must. You will most likely need the exercise to get rid of your growing middle and your child needs to see something besides the TV or the back of your head while they ride in your car.

2. Go to the zoo (or something like that).

Get off the expensive and mind-numbing amusement-park daddy-go-round. There are affordable places (like museums and zoos) for you to go where your child can see new things, touch a turtle, make some pictures and hear a dinosaur’s roar or the like. This is a huge learning opportunity for your kid and most of these places are very affordable to visit. Super hint: many museums have monthly or weekly free-admission days. I know this will be hard for some dads who do not like to be in places like this. News flash: This is about your kids, not you and your boring man-world. With my kids now much older, I regret not having done more of this with them when they were little.

3. Eat in an interesting place.

Sure, the in-front-of-the-TV space has become the new kitchen table. Try having more meals at the dining room table. Then, get interesting and have a picnic. Make sandwiches, grab some chips and celery sticks and go sit somewhere to eat. The park or the tables outside the mall will work just fine. You are making memories here, dad. Warning: this is for your little kids. Do this outside the mall with pre-teens and you might die from the dirty looks they will give you.

4. Tell your kid a story. No books allowed.

Yep, put down that storybook and tell your kids some stories. Look your kid in the eye and tell them stories in your own way. You will bond with them and help them with their future literacy at the same time.

5. Do some full-body finger painting.

No little child can resist finger paint. On a warm day, grab some big pieces of paper, put out the cheap finger paints and go at the art-thing with your toddler. We found a roll of cheap paper at the teaching-supply shop and watched our kid paint up her body and roll about on the paper. Now we had huge art and great memories.

6. Wash your car.

Frankly, you could wash anything with rags and suds and your toddler or preschooler would be happy. Get out buckets, sponges, plenty of dish-soap and your grubby clothes and wash your car. Or a fence. Or your front door. Or your dog. Wet-laughing will ensue.

7. Make cookies.

In the old days, you had to know how to make cookie dough before you could bake cookies. If you know how to do make dough, that is all the better. Short of making dough, you can buy pre-made buckets of cookie dough at nearly any grocery store. Buy the dough and a few inexpensive candies or sprinkles and you have baking fun. When you are waiting out the baking times, do number 4 above.

There are many more ways to spend some inexpensive time with your kid. Your time shared with a child is more important than the money you spend in that time. Dive in now as they will be giant tweens before you know it. Then, you will need a new list.

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The author, Sean Buvala, has four children ranging in age from preteen to adult. He especially likes number four in this list (storytelling) as he is the author of the fatherhood training book, “DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your Kids and Teach Them What’s Really Important by Telling Them One Simple Story at a Time.”

You can get lots of free training videos and order the book at www.daddyteller.com. Or, follow his latest articles and vids from your perch at Twitter: www.twitter.com/daddyteller