Mondays mean miscellany…and spelling/grammar policing.

by Steph on February 6, 2012

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So, going back to the good ol’ days of lists on Monday, here goes…

1. The word is “y’all,” not “ya’ll.” Think it over. Apostrophes replace missing letters in a contraction of two words. Like “don’t” for “do not.” That apostrophe takes the place of the “o” in “not.” Soooo, when you type “ya’ll” as a contraction of “you all,” what letters are you replacing? Because the “all” in “you all” is TOTALLY FUCKING COMPLETE. Unless you spell that shit with extra “a”s or “l”s, I guess. In which case, welp, I can’t help you out; you are beyond my meager, meager skill set.

2. Speaking of “can’t,” “cannot” is one word. ONE. WORD. Why? Who the fuck knows? English is a weird language; okay? You don’t want to remember that shit? Stick with “can’t.”

3. The word is “definite.” DEFINITE. There is no “a” in that word. Not a single one. This also means “indefinitely” or “definitely” have no friggin’ “a” in them, either.

4. Unless you are out doing shit with farm animals, you HEARD something. Think of it like this – you “hear” with your ears. So, you “heard” it. (My guess? [And it is just a guess since I have zero desire to research the etymology here.] It’s a bastardization of “heared.” But hell, who knows? English is a weird language, remember?) So when you type, “Yo, dawg, I herd you like grammar…”, stop. Just stop. I won’t be herded. Really, I won’t, but I LOVE to be HEARD.

5. Feel free to break whatever rules you like when it comes to writing, but please, for the love of all that is holy, UNDERSTAND the rules BEFORE you break them. ee cummings wasn’t some dolt who just didn’t get English. He carefully crafted his works to make his point, and he was very careful about how and why he broke rules. Same thing with Faulkner. The great writers broke the rules for a REASON.

Caveat: I am in no way holding myself up as the standard by which anyone should learn the rules of proper English. I’ve broken a metric shitton of rules in this post alone. What I’m saying here is if a dolt like me can manage these things, you can, too. Really.

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Tagged as: Haters gonna hate, Mondays mean miscellany, Ya'll isn't even a real word

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