Saint Raymentine’s Day

You could win all of this shit tonight. Ron will select a winner after the show so you better stick around!

For sale. Comes with wooden frame. It is a billion dollars.

More on this later. Jules is my new protege. Meet her tonight.

Time to show us your VAMP STAMPS!

TONIGHT DON’T FORGET WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO!

IT IS TO HERE!

9PM BOVINE SEX CLUB!

I want to dance to a florence song now.

See ya tonight! Don’t forget I have a silver shimmy outfit I’ll be wearing with this cape.

I PUT A SPELL ON YOU COS YOU’RE MINE WOOOOAH YAAAAAAH!

FUCK’N PUMPED!

Raymbotainment TONIGHT

TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT CE SOIR!

I’m not in this one but my absinf and champagne are! What a fun and cray reunion.

It’s been a long week and it’s not over yet.

Am I eating this pizza or is it eating me?

I was amused by my Santa Claus likeness here.

Loving this set. Wearing it for a dance.

Confronted by these Simply You jewels upon arrival in our VIPLEASE section. I love my new necklaces and whatever else I threw in to my purse. Kidding! Reg got away with the earrings I chose.

Love a heart lovelies.

Harsh eyebag there White. Not much sleep this week plus eating garbage and whatever you guys think I look like shit, mehhhhh. This is what hurt feelings does, tires me right out.

Please no more burlesque oh whatever Stella you love it.

Photo bomb. Didn’t get many pictures in this dress I hope I don’t look stupid in the ones Kate was taking.

One of my props from last night, might have to buy another one. Well I want to get bigger ones, any tips?

Love BD. Big open quiet space (with music but it can never penetrate my thoughts) good for thinking. My routine hair appts are a god send and guess what, my next visit I’ll be going darker. You can all sigh a huge collective sigh of relief now. Don’t ask me about it yet I am too busy with other things to waste more time talking about it. Keeping blond but doing some multi-tonal roots things I don’t know how to explain it but it’s Shawna’s fault aahha.

I’ll go back and forth about it every day until it happens of course. My hair just needs more life. I love it don’t get me wrong but, it just seems to offend people too much when it’s pure platinum, people can’t get the fuck over it. We’re going to make it look even better.

It’s going to be difficult saying bye to this though.

Maddie missed her flight to South America so she got her hair done, small world BD is also her salon and I indirectly got them a client for the day. See I am good for something. We hung out two nights prior and I was like hey dooods this is a continuation of the party haha. Those pics will also be featured in this post that is taking me a long time to write because your hero had a big night last night (what else is new?) actually I stay in more than I go out which is probably why I go on like an escaped zoo animal wild and great decision making! UPDATE: I will have to blog the rest later I have to get a move on to the recording studio. I’m a hip hop singer now! HAHAHAHA.

The amount of pics I took in this shirt has made it so I can’t wear it again for a long time. I wish there was a 365 outfits club that you can get rid of things and get new things in their stead so that my shirt can get spread around then comes back to me? This idea sucks nevermind I think women are hoarders of their clothing collections. THAT’S MY SCARF I INVENTED THAT SCARF! Business idea failure.

It was fun meeting Kat at starbucks and doing this in the line up area as no other places were available but we weren’t in line we were using the line up bar as, a bar? Everyone kept lining up behind Katrina and it was infuriating trying to have a conversation with 400 yuppies clearing their throats and repeating, “we aren’t in line.” Seriously LOOK at what is in my hand, it’s a tea, why would I be in line again, facing the opposite direction and having a conversation ugggggh.

Smooth legs day!

Smooth move Strombo day too!

Just when you think you’ve had enough of someone, they have a twin! Kidding, Michael is awesome and so is his brother and I kept hallucinating one for the other as the night grew long and then I had to interrupt life and comment on it.

Please Come to this or “you are dead to me” “We are through” “I will pay you back in some secret bitchy way I haven’t decided yet” “I will never help you with your event/product/link/whatever” thanks. Ron will be wearing a top hat A TOP HAT, PEOPLE! Jamba juice samples, heart shaped shasha cookies, and a magic pony prize to give away to the best romantical dressed person!

I will never stop being Asian. NEVER!

Jules all sorts of awesome.

Raymi everyone looks retarded here in their own special way!

Rebecca I love that scratch in the mirror that look like a horn mustache.

Raymi and you are singing in a little boy choir too rebecca

Rebecca hilarious! I was just about to say that…seriously, I can’t stop laughing!

Raymi do you like priests

Rebecca no, they like me

Jules bahahaha, you guys are cracking me up

Raymi crack is whack!

Raymi jules is our new baby girl. then when im forty she can take care of me like grey gardens.

Rebecca I love that you are wearing your little red knit bonnet tied in a bow around you neck Raymi.

Raymi im glad i didnt lose it last night. i have so many goodies in my huge bag. im also glad everyone who liked this pic is in another thread and not this one hahaha

I always get a cute tone finish that washes out after two shampoos.

Lois got me this shirt. I point to the model and say look guys I’m a model now and EVERYBODY FALLS FOR IT HOW STUPID! I come clean don’t worry. Notice how everyone is platinum now? Yeah sorry for that ahaha.

So blurry. Yes all life moments ruined by blackberry blur filter THANKS FOR NOTHING.

Nice hat there friend pillow.

Bad take out sush. I never learn. I was suffering for my art (the size 2 dress). To be continued. RAYMBOTAINMENT BYE BYE!

I am finally a butterfly

Yeeeeah I can’t keep surprises hehehh.

Late for the ball as uje.

One nervous cocktail and we’re peelin’ oot of here.

I have nipple pasties on just in case .

So fun to dance with!

You’re just like an angel your skin makes me cry

If the song and the outfit are right, it pretty much just makes itself. You can underplay.

Ahhhhhhhhh so relieved I’ve just narrowed my songs down to three definites, with the 3rd being an extra. I can’t wait to practice when teach gets home and record. He is my reluctant dance coach.

Oh you know just anotha day a hat from Bulgaria at 9 in the morning (insomnia last night so I wanted to sleep til 10:30) blasted me out of bed from a canada postman I had to put an entire outfit on with garth glasses just to answer the door. Stephy is the best. You can wear it like this too but how did you get your writing on a card that was mailed from Bulgaria? I’m wearing it out tonight. I am going to have three majorly weird and bizarre accessories like a swedish euro Bulgarian Red riding hood emu feathered wizard je ne sais I don’t know what le fuck but it will be good. I just tried my cape on in the mirror in the daylight, holy moly casseroli! Ps. not to draw attention to it but that’s not a bulge (completely hahaha), the craftsmanship of these drawers are redonk and I was juicier when I bought them. Lols hate that term so much it’s so funny espesh if you go juice-ay-ur in diva sing-song voice.

If I had more self esteem today I’d wear this beneath my dress and actually now that I mention it, totally matches. Hmmmmm. I did sit ups I took these (it’s sit ups night) and I am about to pop my vampula monthly as well and close up to mirror I look bigger, amazon. Only defending myself in advance, someone will call me fat. That’s how it is. I do not look fat in this in real life and I don’t care what you think I’m 120lbs and in a few days will be less. THE END.

Crappy photo but I love this outfit. I need to buy an actual tickle trunk. If someone wants to make me one (IT HAS TO BE EXACTLY LIKE MR. DRESS UP’S) I would gladly put it in my tickle trunk room. Wow small world that I already called my room that it’s like I am peewee herman arrested developmented or something.

Picked dress up yesterday. Relief it fits.

It’s a wee dress so I don’t think this boustierre will fit beneath. Here’s a love messageI sent out on FB to guests. Maybe I will go in to erotic fiction writing?

Dear Vamps, Save yourselves for Saturday Night, but practice your sassy sides tonight, have a glass of red wine tomorrow, take’r ease and ease in to Saturday where I will MOST DEFINITELY put a spell on you in my secret underground sexy Vamphouse layer with scads of gents and gentleladies single mixing a-boot! And my VIPLEASE players Club escorts who will sexually assault at will. Vampentine’s came early this year. I have a bleeding heart for you ♥ come see.

R. T Minx Esq.

Another horrible picture. Was zonked by this point last night.

I should have looked at the corsets, my mind was set on angel wings though but they were all not what I wanted and everyone decided for me not to do it and just lead me to my cape.

Hope the rods don’t hit the ceiling in here. I can practise on the landing upstairs, super high ceilings then on the deck in the summer aaaaaaah .

Fished out the last small. Score.

We saw dancers in Miami with these on the stage at that place, I’ll get pictures. They were mesmerizing and hypnotizing to look at. I will master these. I’ve already got some seahorse egyptian druid ruler priestess shit laid down pat. Enclosing myself like a sleeping bat. Twirl spirals. Super fun. The rods come in a snooker pool cue suitcase type thing too HAHAHA. So I walk in and set up my “equipment” like a pro. THAT COULD BE PART OF THE STRIPTEASE. Set up. Ooh. La la.

They overcooked his steak so he got it free. Wednesdays is 2 for $50 date night and bottles of wine are $5 off. Guess we have a new Wednesday routine. They give you a voucher for a free app when they mess up your order, it’s a bit rich and unnecessary yet wholly one reason why I love suburban chain restaurants for normies, they baby and dote on you like the giant lazy self indulgent slob that I am and the waitresses are FORCED to be chatty and nice to you. It’s an actual vacation. That is how low my vacation standards are I will take anything at this point.

The chianti was meh, I told her it was great. I can be a people pleaser too. I wanted something more “open” and fucked if I know what that means. I don’t like metallic tinny after-effect from reds. This had a bit of that, no openness to breach it. I know I play dumb but I know my shit. That other $35 bottle of Spanish (something or other, confusing name) would have been more open but I pussed out. This bottle went down smooth and fast suffice it to say. I gave our waitress a vamps flyer she seemed super keen but instantly forgot once we were on our way out and me from ladies and asked her for toothpicks, she stared at me like I was a distant ghost. I was crushed. I will let ANYTHING break my heart I truly will.

Rent Frock Repeat’s newest arrival. This is a size zero.

Your dress comes with Hollywood pimpin’ ammo. Dress tape, spray for stank I believe other goodies I haven’t had a chance to look at yet. These girls are dream dolls that’s for sure.

Burlesquercise begins right after I hit publish.

And once again I am wearing stupid socks.

XOXOX. I was talking to the dress! j/k kisses for you too Kristy, see you tonight maybes?

Paper heart lanterns and light up rings!!!!!

Shrimp Diane. Get it extra spicy like me! If snot is not running down my face like in the Yukon then it isn’t spicy enough.

Now that I know this self function I don’t need anyone anymore! Too bad it’s crap-o-quality. Excusez moi sil vous plait, but I must take a crapeux ou est le sal de bains? I JUST SPELLED THAT FROM MEMORY!

I could play a babysitter in a movie. DREAM GIG. Fakeysitting.

Movies bein’ filmed all over the place and we followed this van from down in the parking garage. I was on the phone about a gig I have next week playing video games. More and more my life is turning into Tom Hanks in BIG. DREAM LIFE.

Okay Joes I gotsta go!

Blogdrawal

Ready for some cray shit?

I bought this drag caribana seahorse cape winged thing in pink. THAT I am keeping a secret until the show. I’ll put up the video of me twirling this one though, it’s like an interpretive (loser) version of Batman. Who will also be at my burlesque show fyi. Yes the Yong Dundas Square Batman. Last show had Tommy Hollywood. Who pulls out all the stunts for ya? This post is just a head’s up to the late night superfans that I’ll brb with more if you were planning on internerding up late a bit longer IT WILL BE WORTH IT.

Still fits. Very snug though ahah. Green tea all day tomorrow then. If I faint on stage I will remember to fall forward and you can crowd surf me in to the winner’s arms. Bring a lot of money! Love a Heart facebook Event. 8PM At the Hideout 484 Queen St W. Our dates are sponsored too so it’s kind of like a free date essentially (except I expect to go for more than the date is worth, I better or I will be staring at you with hatred all night long haha kidding kind of sort of not really).

I got all the dancers red light up rings because I treat burlesque like my senior kindergarden birthday party THE BEST ONE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! Next time maybe loot bags. The stage is going to look phenom. I went cuckoo but whatevs man, good investment. My cape comes with 4 metal rod inserts to float and twirl around with and the guy said to look on youtube for tutorials. How does he know my secret dance secrets??? PPS. Jamba Juice will be there with smoothies. Red ones. OMFG.

DON’T GO TOO FAR NOW!

*If I get sleepy I get to change my mind and blog in the morning so it’s only a half bamboozle. I did a lot today.

Will blog for makeup

Today I have a giveaway guys! Guys who are girls that I call guys because ya down like me. Normally I tell people where to go when they try to get me to have a giveaway on my blog for whatever product it is that I don’t care about, but not this stuff. Vasanti hooks your home girl up (I have a jar of their expensive eye cream too) so I am returning the favour on le blog so this isn’t exactly a blogvertorial it’s my life and I will jump through fire if I have to in order to stay in the beauty merch promised land.

Vasanti Cosmetics now play a vital role in this life and I refuse to (cannot! will not! must not!) go back to my old makeup now that I’ve flown on the other side of the beauty product curtain, a step down would be a sad panda move. Also, my concealer has a 5 star rating.

I was trying hard to be a beauty product (hand) model but also am wicked lazy and didn’t want to leave my perch so I placed the items carefully to cover up all my nail polish marks and stains on the table. Creative!

Inside the red box is my new best friend (actually my third tube of best friend) known as the Liquid Cover Up Oil-Free Foundation and Concealer and it is the best magical wand I own (yes because I am a wizard with other wands, obvi) and I paint it ALL OVER MY FACE like a warrior titan who turns into a camera-ready blog starlette instantly. I’m pretty light during winter so I am using V1 right meow. I may bump it up to V2 come summer time but the V1 Still gives me colour as compared to my pigmentless never-going-out-in-the-day skin tone, it’s like I just GTL in Seaside Heights.

So I am giving away one of these babies and the winner can choose their own skin tone (again, obvi) and we’ll throw in Vasanti’s newest product called BrightenUp! – Enzymatic Face Rejuvenator. Teacher and I tried it last night and I was mesmerized by how the Microderm crystals felt on my face, the texture is very fine sand, not scrapey or sharp but soft and delicate along with the foaming white doo-dad cream elixir I was in face heaven. It gave my skin a kick, woke me right up and I yelled to Teacher to come and wash his face with this stuff NOW.

Dermatologist-grade Microderm Crystals at 25%, work to stimulate and exfoliate your skin to help smooth and reduce the appearance of fine lines, scars and blemishes. Many dermatologists use these same crystals for their microdermabrasion treatments.

You leave it on for 2-3 minutes for the enhanced enzyme action. Which we did. It retails for $34 so this is quite the little Raymbo Bright gift yeah? My concealer goes for $23. I will be your boyfriend this Valentine’s Day and hook you up kay?

I just saw there’s a V0 concealer available even. Woah. Here are the specs on the concealer/foundation (sometimes I don’t even put anything else on my face afterward).

Incredible coverage, featherlight finish and radiant glow in a one-of-a-kind liquid foundation. Providing coverage only where you need it for the most natural looking finish, this advanced formulation blends into skin without a trace. Evens out skintone while disguising undereye circles and camouflaging blemishes, a concealer and foundation in one! Hydrates and brightens for flawless looking skin. Works on all skin types and tones.

Can be applied all over the face or just where you want coverage (blends seamlessly into the skin)!!

Ok so do you want it?

To Win: Leave a comment with your best faux product slogan, “______ it feels good when you feel bad.” for example (a lame example). And it doesn’t have to be beauty product-oriented though if you can manage to win with a limited topic then kudos to you. You can check @VasantiCosmetic out on twitter too. Good luck Little Raymis! I’ll be watching.

ps. I know dudes also secretly wear makeup (for blemishes, scars, old age) so you don’t hesitate to enter. It will be our private and totally public secret.

This picture has nothing to do with anything other than look at ma pretty face, I’m pretty close to 29 and lookin’ fine maybe even sublime. I give partial credit to Vasanti and also to all the genes that fought the good fight to make it my way. Also, my jeans are pretty cool too.

Thanks Farah for showing me the way! xo rlw.

Nicolas Cage in a blind drinking rage!

Hold on folks cos it’s another fantastic dining with Raymeh Adventure. You will laugh, you will cry, you might even make a fist and shake it at the ceiling and go why? Why come Hello Kitty? This post is rated NC-17 except not really but in places where I tank just conjure up hugely offensive shit and leave me a garbage comment anyway, it’s what you’re good at. Kay thanks and remember, have fun!

We only sat here for a total of three minutes. Their menu is limiting and they can’t bring you stuff off the melody bar’s menu because there is an invisible force field of hot lava barring it. Teacher is not in to seafood, the majority of items you’d order were all precisely that and the others were just not appetizing, sorry, not hating just the restrictions we are dealt with. Trust me we fight a lot over food time. One because I am a controlling person and also very greedy and only I am the one who knows how to order it right or can read the items not visible to other diner’s on the menu, nope, you are wrong that idea was bad and un-delicious. Do you ever look at your friend’s plate and think I feel sorry for you, mine tastes so much better? This is why I am a foodie, it makes sense, I’m competitive, arrogant, fearless and treat every meal like a last supper even if I’m restricting I will still totally gorge my face off.

Ahh I am hallucinating a charlie brown pig pen dust cloud above your head representing what is going on inside of it.

Do not pass go and collect $200 go directly TO JAIL. Pfft morons.

Duuuuuuuuuuhoye like my shirt? Called it!

We were very much despised sitting here and it didn’t take much. Sandy said sit wherever, there was no reserved sign on this table amongst the sea of reserved signs, all for one giant party of 22 (I counted) uptight white hipsters all wearing glasses. We would have had one less drink at the booth but their animosity needed punishment. Honestly it was super offensive watching them tattle on us, it took three people all standing there shooting dirty looks our way to decide it wasn’t worth asking us to move, just by-pass and rag on a server instead.

I know I am always the bad guy in the story of your life about me but I’m not. I have great life etiquette, I would hug a cactus even, and if I catch shittiness afoot I do something about that so I really don’t appreciate snide daggers when I am enjoying dinner out on a Saturday night after a long week of partying and sitting on my ass.

I get beef a lot, I get lustful stares often and jealousy cut eye. No it’s not that I am conceited, I know what slit eyes mean thank you and it’s not because I look ugly (old and used up looking or my outfit is cray), if one warrants a double-take whiplash and super (you think is) stealth all over squinty stare, it means you are doing it right. And if you get a version of this stare over and over and over and over and over again from various people in a room, it means you are sitting in the chosen spot and I can’t finish this joke. The point is, Teacher was getting steamed about it too and he has even less restaurant manners than I do AND is an educator with a real job not one of those fake internet jobs like the rest of us so he is a pretty good soundboard for invented paranoias I have regarding stares that come my way.

We had to keep eating because Sandy kept feeding us (delicious tequila shots) and I always had a vodka soda in my hand I think I lost five years off my life Saturday night. I think teacher and I were in a secret competition. I knew once we moved over to the bar it would be game on. Too bad karaoke has been moved to midnight (dumb move) there is no way this fish can drink or last that long.

This drink is majorly tart and sour. I asked if it was a sour drink after skimming (but not reading) the components, waitress said no. WRONG. Most Sourest EVER. Sour is a good appetite suppressant, no thanks I’m full on these sweet tarts I just drank. Acidic. I am not really a sweets fan. It’s made people want to secretly choke me when I decline dessert after (giant ones no less!) meals like honestly, more eating? If I ever show fat do you know how fast my detractors will laugh at me? When you become a blogger you hand in your being normal keys so bloggers-to-be beware. Your trash may even make the news. That’s it I am flushing everything from now on.

I thought that guy was security, I felt he ate like security, like a king like this is my domain and later I will be shoving drunk fucks out the door. I was probably wrong. I have been wrong a lot lately only thanks to the internet hatred I get everyone looks like my foe now, what’s the R+J quote, _____ can no longer tell friend from foe? For example, last night the second I arrived at 416 snack bar, very unnerved by all the attacks I received yesterday on top of some fam dramz. It definitely pours when it rains I’ll say but yeah a couple guys at the bar seemed to instantly recognize me and kept talking about me looking at me while I chatted to Liam and I was like they are SO definitely making fun of me right now. Then later on when we’re outside smoking he tries to join us and I had already pointed out to Angelo that those guys “were hating on me” it has escalated in my head now haha like they are already in the midst of tweeting mean shit @ me too but no, I was wrong. Dead wrong. Dude was straight up sweating your hero and Angelo mean girl ignored him and so everyone did and I felt bad and flattered simultaneously about it like a big secret giant jerk. I’m just too shy so I invent things. All bloggers are shy fucking losers so you have to be extra nice to us and approach us no matter how shy you think you are, you probably have a real job and therefore better social skills so don’t you dare tell me you’re more shy than I am.

I like this spot, too bad we couldn’t eat here.

This green polish is too dark, it makes me look too hard, I am too pale for the contrast so I’ll wait til summer to wear it again so the bottle needs a COMING SOON label on it. Glossy Box hooked me up with some new lacquer though, I really love it. I wonder if they sent my mom one too, mom call Nana and ask or she’s kept it for herself. Ooh they did, how precious of them. I’ll post about it later. I like getting in touch with my girly side because it makes me feel safe from mean people, like ew, I am floating in a cloud of whimsy and you are covered in vile excrement. Maybe I’ll use excrement in place of the S-word from now on. That’s something Jim Carrey would do.